Duct Tape and Dildo's

OH my gosh you guys!! I've been gone so long AHHHHHHH it's sucked so much ASS!! And not even real ass sucking, hell, no sucking of any type for me as the Mexican is still in Mexico. So anyways, I've been working 14 -15 hour days here (holy damn) PLUS you guys PLUUUUSSSS my freakin workplace "Websense" internet blocker decided to up and block my site from view at work. BASTARDS!! HORS! FUCKERS!!

And would you believe the reason listed for the block was "Sex" ??? Sons of bitches - I've seen them block things for "profanity" where the hell is my profanity rating? Bitches. HAHAHA I've seen a few sites blocked as "tasteless" and was kind of hoping for that too, but, ah well.

So yeah, I'm reduced to having to post from my laptop but since I'm too cheap to buy internet service I have to go to Burger King and get it for free and since I'm working the 15 hours.... blah blah blah you get it. Let's move on to dildo's shall we?

It's been nearly two months since me and the bean have been together and to say I've been "tearin up" my toys is for once not an understatement.

Picture it, the ghetto, May 8th 2008, my bedroom, me, dildo. My favorite dildo to be precise, I like it cuz it's just the right size and has a decent texture. SO anyways at the end of said favorite dildo it has like a squishy filled end to hold on to, it's kind of neat. I've always got a pretty good grip on the thing and I guess after a few years of gripping and grinding the plastic just couldn't take it anymore. You guys I ripped the end of my dildo off. My TOY! My friend that is always there for me - UGH!!

It ripped the end open and some foamy stuff started falling out - HA! It looks like little pieces of old cut up mattress foam in there all odd colors and everything - huh. Ah well what ever works ya know? This hor ain't picky. I inspected the rip and honest to god you guys the first thought to come into my head was "I wish I had some packing tape." It was the END of it so that end doesn't actually touch the lady flower and they don't make this kind any more and I want my friend!!

Ok and here is the SO FREAKIN coolest thing EV-VER!! OH MY GAWD !!! I looked over the side of my bed and what did I see? WHAT DID I SEE???!!! Oh fuck there was a partial roll of duct tape laying RIGHT THERE beside my bed. Why? Hell if I know, I'm a hillbilly, I guess we're not respectable unless we have a roll in every room.

I'm not one to look a gift horse in the mouth so I did it. I ripped me off a good section of duct tape (silver and everything) and fixed up my friend. No harm done but a little foam lost, I guess I could have done a transfusion and thrown in a little something. Hey you know it would have been cool if I would have put some funny stuff and a message inside, you know, like the time capsules we all made in like 1st grade? Damn that would have been sweet. Ah well, it's all good, I have my buddy back and that's all that counts for now.

I'll be flying out again next week to go see C. again. Gonna get me some of the good shit and give my poor dild-ho a rest. :P

DIRTY WORDS and DIRTY TALK

So, "Dirty Talk." When C. was in custody for a month and a half I wrote him every day, and you know? We learned a lot about each other that we might not have any other way. Can you imagine a lot of what we wrote about had to do with sex? Well yes I guess you might think a TAD :P

One of the things that came up was Dirty Talk. When I was writing the erotica fantasy stories and sending them to him I came across a couple of phrases and words that for some reason tripped my trigger all of a sudden, and I decided to share them with him. Take "Cock" for example. I like that word, I like to write it and I like to read it. I told him it might be nice if I could say it out loud to him or him to me during a down and dirty session. That and "Fuck." I guess it's just so dirty and bad-girl that it just makes things . . . I don't know, but he liked it too.

So. I get to Mexico and we get a chance to try out some new stuff you know?

Oh dear.

The moment "Cock" came out of his mouth, sounding so foreign and goofy, it just flopped. I could almost SEE the word fall and flop around on the floor and visualize myself just standing there, and a big grin of immaturity starting to spread across my face as I began to laugh. A lot of men don't do well when you laugh at them when they're trying to be hot. I guess I wouldn't do to well either but at least he let me explain my way out. The bad part is that he didn't REALLY get it, and now it's stuck in his head, and whenever he tries to be particularly suave, he drops the "cock" bomb on me.

I guess all those letters I wrote must have really stuck, and that's nice, but damn, he's gotta stop sayin it. I wonder what the deal is though? I still like to see the word and read it or write it - but I don't want to say it and I don't want to hear it. What IS that? What in my brain says "OH YEAH!" to a word visually but NOT audibly? Is that the goofiest thing you've ever heard?

What's the stumbling block I wonder? Maybe it's like some of my more dirty and involved fantasy's. I like to get off to them, but afterwards when I come down from the high, I realize that I'd never actually DO them, sometimes - afterwards - it surprises me that I could even come up with that shit, and think it's hot. Ah well.

So? Anybody? Any words that you like to read but not say? Or maybe you like to hear someone say but just not yourself?

I got to HAVE SEEEXXXXX!!!

YAY!! I got some of that sweeet Mexcian Ass! HA!! YES!!! Oh, okay, and like, you know, we were reunited for five days and you know, like, saw each other and talked and had a good time and reconnected, blah blah, BUT WE HAD SEX!!!!

Hot Damn a lot of sex! This hor was sore when she came home. Yowwzza! Danm you guys there's not enough foreplay and astroglide in the world to keep a bitch smooth enough to not get sore after a marathon like that. Poor lil lady-flower was a tad pissed off.

Our first day back together was so strange at first - it had been so long since either of us had touched another human (intimately) -that we had to learn all over again how to hold hands, how to kiss, how to make out and so on. But the greatest thing was that first night - it was such a surprise. I expected it to be awkward or something, or *ahem* pretty quick at first *cough cough* and for us to both feel shy - but shy be damned we were back on the wagon!!

Oh OH!! And you know? I kind of figured it'd be some good shit, but I had NO IDEA just HOW good! It was like something out of a damn romance novel book, it was the freakin shit! It seemed like every nerve ending and every inch of skin on my body was super sensitized, oh man I wish I could bottle that and have it every time. And the strangest part? I usually hate my nips to be messed with, but this time was different, I guess because I was so hyper-sensitive, I don't know, but for the first time in my LIFE I actually wanted some nip play. LOL though, C. is so well trained to stay away I had to convince him to give them some extra attention.

The rest of our time was great but after that first night the super-sensitivity went away for me and my pinks went back to being pissy. Poor C. just didn't get it, I had to fight him off 'em again like before and he was like "what the heck??" :P Poor guy.

SO, what I need to know. NEEEEDDD to know, is how in the hell can I get my body to be like that every time? I'm sort of not into spending 7 weeks apart just to get one night like that, but now that I know that my body is CAPABLE of such sensation - UHHHH - there's like got to be a way to bring it out on a regular basis right? RIGHT???

Now don't get me wrong, our everyday-gettin-it-ons are pretty damned decent, but THIS SHIT was out of the damn park! I could get addicted to that like a pig on truffles laced with E.

Don't you bitches tell me to meditate or something, it's not gonna happen. But really, shit, damn! I guess I'll get another go at it in a month or so when I get to see him again *crosses fingers* Please let it be the same Please let it be the same! Maybe if it happens again next time I can do some sort of mind association trick like that dude on the t.v. that swears "I can make you thin!" (through the t.v.) He's got some trick about visualizing and pinching your fingers together, maybe I'll try something like that.

But what will I tell C? "Hey baby don't mind me, I'm visualizing, you just keep doin what you be doin down there. That's right. Mmmm Hmm, good boy"

Any ideas? Anybody have an experience like this?

Fancy Panties

Picture it: JC Pennys – 6p.m. – 3 weeks ago. Me, buying fancy schmancy new under-roos for when I go to mexico and see my man. They had a 5 for 25 deal, it was great, and I spent a good hour picking out 5 pairs (okay 6 I couldn't’t decide) of draws to cover my ass.

Anyways, you guys know about my ass situation right? We’ve covered this before (ha ha pun :PPP) It’s big, I’ve got a ghetto booty, hell a ghetto ass – it’s lovely and quite coveted by my Mexican let me tells ya.

But the thing is though, with allllll of this ass that I have, it takes a tad more fabric to cover than say you’re average super waif model, like, you know, for real. It’s always been a bit embarrassing for me to tell you the truth, I feel like a gigantor when I buy my pretty panties and I try my best to do it discreetly. I go so far as to fold them in half, stack them neatly and have just the price tag sticking out for their scanning convenience. And try and cover the view of them with my body. And make cringey faces to show my discomfort. So when Mrs. JC Penny decided to air my new purchases for all to see, it was a moment I’ll not soon forget.

She picked up each pair of cutsie panties, shook them out like you would a shirt before folding and the HELD THEM UP IN THE AAAIIIRRRR at like, head level, to inspect and admire and comment on. Uh. . . ???? And the thing is we’re not talking just regular pretty panties – no – we’re talking lacy-see-through-tiny-not-EVEN-gonna-cover-my-cheeks- panties. Okay and two THONGS as well, one thong of which a lady 2 people back in line felt the need to tell me was quite pretty. I believe it was hot pink with electric green lace. Yeah, uh, thanx.

After she held them up in the air for all to see my chosen fancys she then laid them out flat on the counter stretched out in their full sized glory for all to see that I was buying big pretty panties. I guess they could tell WHY because I was sort of carrying my ass with me at the time, but I don’t know, there’s just something about them seeing my foot of fabric laid out flat screaming “BIG OLE FRIGGIN BOOTY” that makes me cringe. Sue me, I’m a prude hor.

Mrs. JC Penny then needed to ask me if I required a gift receipt. What? They never ask me that, do I not LOOK like the type to wear hor under-roos? Did she think they were to big for me and I was giving them to someone else? Did she think that buying 6 pairs of fancy panties was too much for one regular gal and that they were for a bachelorette or something? DID SHE NOT SEE MY ASS???

Turns out she does this quite regular. I told my boss about it and my boss said that Mrs. JC Penny is always in there at night, and always does that to underpants. Who knew? Sure as hell not me.

Life Uncommon - Jewel

Don't worry mother, it'll be alright
And don't worry sister, say your prayers and sleep tight
It'll be fine lover of mine
It'll be just fine

Lend your voices only to sounds of freedom
No longer lend your strength to that which you wish to be free from
Fill your lives with love and bravery
And you shall lead a live uncommon

I've heard you anguish
I've heard your hearts cry out
We are tired, we are weary, but we aren't worn out

Set down you chains, until only faith remains
Set down you chains
And lend your voices only to sounds of freedom
No longer lend your strength to that
which you wish to be free from
Fill you lives with love and bravery
And we shall lead a life uncommon

There are plenty of people who pray for peace
But if praying were enough it would have come to be
Let your words enslave no one and the heavens will hush themselves
To hear our voices ring out clear
with sounds of freedom
sounds of freedom

Come on you unbelievers, move out of the way
there is a new army coming and we are armed with faith
To live, we must give
To live

And lend our voices only to sounds of freedom
No longer lend our strength to that which we with to be free from
Fill your lives with love and bravery
And we shall lead...

Lend our voices only to sounds of freedom
No longer lend our strength to that which we with to be free from
Fill you lives with love and bravery
And we shall lead a life uncommon

So did I link the the song like any other respectable blogger? Well no, I've got a big report to do and I'm a tad retarded anyways. But I LOVE this song, it's one of those songs with lyrics that kind of "get's you through" tough times ya know? And it's pretty too so that never hurts. :P

By the way, MY BABY IS SAFE AND IN MEXICO WITH HIS BROTHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*ahem* WHEW! Scuse me. :)

I've got to do that damn report but I'll be back, I've got a great blog to write - I got inspired to go shopping for some new special draws (panties, white folks, panites) last night and had a heck of a time, it's good shit.

C-Yall later and Thank You again for your kindness and support. (did I mention my baby is safe??? And I'm currently jumping up and down and trying not to run in circles like an over excited dog and piss on myself????)

I Like Fish and Chips Too

FOUND ON YAHOO -

Mon Mar 17, 2:53 PM ET
"An employee at a specialty shop displaying a vibrating ring. A new boutique hotel at a seaside resort in northwest England is to offer guests a sex toy minibar containing lubricating gel, massage oil, a vibrating ring and two condoms, when it opens later this year, its owner said Monday."

SOOOOoo, maybe we'll move to England if Canada doesn't work out. Hey Patti got any suggestions??? This, uh... seems like my kinda place if ya's know what I mean. :P Although I'm not sure what the deal is with only TWO condoms, but whatever, I never forget my economy pack anyways.

Okay, so not jumping off any bridges today (bi-polar much??), C. seems to think he'll be fine no matter what they do. He's a brave little beotch and manages to calm me down during our 10 minutes on the phone, I wonder if he's just brave for me because he knows I'm a pansy or if he's really that much of a trooper? Maybe I don't want to know.

I sure hope he gets shipped out today, I just want this to be over with. I've got a flight booked for the 26th through the 31st just in case it happens this tuesday OR next tuesday. (plus to fly out this thursday was going to be outrageous!! (easter) ) I can't WAIT to see him!! Well, I can wait for that, I just can't wait to know that he's SAFE, please God, safe.

Now, back to planning for what I'm going to wear......

OH OH!! And hahahahahha he doesn't want me to bring his personal "toy" with me for him because he's afraid his brother or brothers family will find it. HA!! I didn't want him to have it anyway but I was being polite. Anybody want a slightly used pocket pussy??

They transported my C. from one state to another (to the place they'll fly him out of - TOMORROW) but they lost his things in transport, well, misplaced.

His I.D.
His money
His wedding ring
His papers with his familys phone #'s
And his shoe laces.

So they'll be shipping him off to Mexico with no I.D. and no money and no phone #'s.

I called his family last night and they told me that they don't think he can make collect calls in Mexico - seriously? Can that be? What will he DO?? He's not allowed to know where they'll fly him to so his family can't just be waiting there,

And you know what he's worried about the most? His ring, bless his heart he's not worried about oh, I don't know, being in a foreign country with NOTHING and no way to contact anyone, but instead his ring and what it means to him.

I on the other hand I am shitting my pants. I called his original location that told me to call INS, who told me to call his original location, who again told me they can't help me, so I called INS again and they said that they did transport him but either his stuff was left at the original place (that won't speak to me) or was "misplaced" and told me to call where he is now. I called where he is now and got put through to the supervisor who wasn't in to answer his phone.

You know, I keep wondering at what point a person - well me - gets to the point where they break and can't take any more? Shouldn't I have got there by now? Where is my nervous breakdown? Do I get one? No, no, I don't want one, it just surprises me that I seem incapable. I'm stressed to the point of not even crying, does this mean I'm strong? What a load of crap.

I don't know, I don't know anything and no one will TELL me anything.

He's not a bad person and oh God I love him so much, why do all of these bad things have to happen? What's going to happen to my baby?! Why can't I convey through my words that I'm yelling and terrified? Oh well great here's the tears, I found em, good ole writing, it'll do it every time. Don't worry you guys, you don't have to write the "I'm so sorry's" I know this is a big mess of awkwardness and crud. I just had to write it down, one of those things I guess.

I hope to see C. in the next week - hopefully no longer than 2 weeks, and so I've decided to give up my Sex Toys until then. Celibate AND no toys! AHHHHHHHH!!!! Is it Lent?? Can these count?? That's it, I'm giving up Dildo's for lent. Can I get an AMEN!?

Remember before when I mentioned that when I went a couple of weeks with NUTHIN after being sick and him being gone - and how my penocha got all super-virginal-tight again - and it pissed me off? (pissed me off because my rabbit was too big to USE damn it!)

Weelllllll I thought it'd be a nice thing to do for C. for when we see each other and rock the shit out of each others world. That, and he'll know that I haven't been hoe-in up while he's been gone.

And I was thinking, what should I bring along for our sex fest? I know I'll be bringing and extra amount of Astroglide, a load of condoms and.... well hell I don't know. For some reason I don't think we're going to need anything to "spice it up" I figure he's got enough hot pepper built up in that little Mexican body to set water on fire, so I'm not really worried about that.

But I feel like I'm forgetting something.

Condoms - check
Astroglide - check
Tight Puu-Tang - check

What the hell am I missing here? There's something isn't there? Suggestions?

Celibate Countdown

I haven't had sex with anyone besides myself in 1 month and one week. I'm a Celibate Hor. I actually sat down and thought back to my longest dry spell before this. Geeeeeewwww I really am a tad hoe-ish, I've not been dry like this since I was 18. Being that I'm now 26 I'd say I was doing pretty good. (naaauuuuggghhhty!)

Hell it would have been since I was 17 but I made my second (sex involved) boyfriend wait 6 months before I laid it on him. He was 19 but he was a virgin, and trying to do the right thing for Jesus and all that, but eventually - I gave in.

It's been kind of crazy now that I think about it, all starting off with Joe at 17 - you'd think I'd remember so MUCH of those first encounters but for some reason I just don't. It kind of bums me out you know? I wish I could remember more of what it was like. Hell I can't even really remember if I was getting off. Too young.

After that it was M. and we were together 3 years and then broke up for 6 months. In those six months I was 20 and found me a 30 yr old and decided that he was nice. HE thought he was in heaven and was going to "Teach" me everything I needed to know about sex. Dork. He was my first multiple O guy, and that was cool. I thought he was gonna have a heart attack after # 3 though, scary really. He DID open me up to the idea of toys in the bedroom, which was nice, but can a hor get anybody ELSE to be that open?? Punks.

Eventually I came to my senses that that dude was freakin weird and OLD (hahahhaaha) and decided to go back to M. Add on another 3 years with Mr. Insane-mean-crazy and I got up the guts to run away. BUH-BYE-BEEEOOTCH!

Ahhhhhhh and then my summer of "love." Good times. I really came out and developed my full hor-dom that summer and it was great. I had my first and last stalker - too bad, he had one monster of a dick. Sad. Then P, he was ok at first but when we got it on he was so damn tiny, poor guy, oh dear it was terrible. Maybe if he had ANY skillz at ALL in the oral department or would even consider it, it wouldn't have been so bad, but he was a lame-O. Luckily he turned out to be a liar and I booted his ass. WHEW!!

Then my first and last One Night Stand. Wow, that was a tad stoopid. I don't even know how that really happened or just what the hell I was thinking - but I've never drank a yeger-bomb again. From my experience, one nighters suck. You don't know how to work each other and it's just lame. (gee and plus he could have been an AXE MURDER and I had him in my APARTMENT!! REEETARDD!!) Yeah and the morning after? Wow that really IS awkward, especially if they live in a different state, there's no reason to exchange numbers but you do anyways to make yourself feel better. Yuck.

P's best S. friend finally came to his senses and we started our strange summer fling. He taught me how to drink and taught me how to dance and one way or another ended up in ye ole sack. I think I was wearing down at that point though. I was really into this guy, I thought I could love him but he was so adamant about not wanting to be serious no matter how much he liked me back. He had to go back to school in the fall, a whole 2 hours away and that was just too much for him. Well, no that's mean, he did have some other stuff going on that WAS a pretty decent hinder. It was really strange sex for me. He had the perfect penis and when I first saw it I was thinking OH holy COW this is gonna be great! He had the right angle, allllll the right sizes ;). It was a beautiful member. And he knew how to use it you know? But for some reason my poor hor brain was wanting "more" from him, and no matter how good and how long he worked it, I never once got "off."

My apartment, his parents house, a grape vineyard, an apple orchard, his truck, the woods, and eventually his apartment at school. Alllllll sorts of sex and I never got off. I became one hell of a mistress of faking. He used to tell me that I was a girl that was looking to "settle down," "get married" and he couldn't offer me that. I tried to convince him that I was fiiiinnneeeee with our arrangement *bats lashes* (liar I just wanted to keep him) but somehow he knew. He was a really good guy, still is, but he knew that he couldn't give me what I truly needed. So, finally, he got up the guts and we broke it off. We both cried and swore to be friends, and we do still talk (drunk call :P) and that's that.

And then my C. :) My baby my Man. :) We had an interesting start but mama taught the boy what's what and he was eager to please. That's my man! YEEEEE-HAAWWWW!! Hell I kept him around just for that at first. And then of course the little buggar worked his Latin Love potion on me and stole me away from the rest of the world. Buggar had to work hard, this beotch didn't want to give up her horin ways just yet and I was still looking for S to come to his senses. :P Damn Latin Love beotch.

OKAY!! I didn't really know what I was doing today, not sure why I wrote all this down, but hey, when I'm old at least it'll all be here for me to see in case I forget. Aaaaaand you know the intimate details of my hor-history. I guess you even know my "number" now, I hope my Dad doesn't read this anymore. Geesh :P