Fancy Panties

Picture it: JC Pennys – 6p.m. – 3 weeks ago. Me, buying fancy schmancy new under-roos for when I go to mexico and see my man. They had a 5 for 25 deal, it was great, and I spent a good hour picking out 5 pairs (okay 6 I couldn't’t decide) of draws to cover my ass.

Anyways, you guys know about my ass situation right? We’ve covered this before (ha ha pun :PPP) It’s big, I’ve got a ghetto booty, hell a ghetto ass – it’s lovely and quite coveted by my Mexican let me tells ya.

But the thing is though, with allllll of this ass that I have, it takes a tad more fabric to cover than say you’re average super waif model, like, you know, for real. It’s always been a bit embarrassing for me to tell you the truth, I feel like a gigantor when I buy my pretty panties and I try my best to do it discreetly. I go so far as to fold them in half, stack them neatly and have just the price tag sticking out for their scanning convenience. And try and cover the view of them with my body. And make cringey faces to show my discomfort. So when Mrs. JC Penny decided to air my new purchases for all to see, it was a moment I’ll not soon forget.

She picked up each pair of cutsie panties, shook them out like you would a shirt before folding and the HELD THEM UP IN THE AAAIIIRRRR at like, head level, to inspect and admire and comment on. Uh. . . ???? And the thing is we’re not talking just regular pretty panties – no – we’re talking lacy-see-through-tiny-not-EVEN-gonna-cover-my-cheeks- panties. Okay and two THONGS as well, one thong of which a lady 2 people back in line felt the need to tell me was quite pretty. I believe it was hot pink with electric green lace. Yeah, uh, thanx.

After she held them up in the air for all to see my chosen fancys she then laid them out flat on the counter stretched out in their full sized glory for all to see that I was buying big pretty panties. I guess they could tell WHY because I was sort of carrying my ass with me at the time, but I don’t know, there’s just something about them seeing my foot of fabric laid out flat screaming “BIG OLE FRIGGIN BOOTY” that makes me cringe. Sue me, I’m a prude hor.

Mrs. JC Penny then needed to ask me if I required a gift receipt. What? They never ask me that, do I not LOOK like the type to wear hor under-roos? Did she think they were to big for me and I was giving them to someone else? Did she think that buying 6 pairs of fancy panties was too much for one regular gal and that they were for a bachelorette or something? DID SHE NOT SEE MY ASS???

Turns out she does this quite regular. I told my boss about it and my boss said that Mrs. JC Penny is always in there at night, and always does that to underpants. Who knew? Sure as hell not me.