Dear Blockbuster beotch counter lady that sux balls,
You gave me a PS2 game instead of an X-box game. I understand that retail work is lame but you were really slow yesterday and you DID sort through your little cabinet of games for like 5 minutes so really, WTF? I wouldn't be so pissed if you hadn't been such a MEGA-BEOTCH in general. You know if you hate your job that much you could go work for a road crew. You would be the perfect person to stand there and do nothing while holding the "SLOW" sign. I hope you get run over.
Dear $8.50 hair glaze that is doing absolutly NOTHING for my hair,
Ok so I should have known better than to buy you, just like the other 150 products I have under my bathroom sink but still. For that much money (oh god i'm sooo painfully cheap,) you could have at least made my hair feel smooth. But no you decided to help me look FREAKIN GREASY. EEEEEEWWWW I hate that, I am not 13 any more. GO. TO. HELL.
Dear mouse that showed up in my house yesterday,
I think I should give you fair warning that those traps with the penut butter will kill you, and I'm going to feel bad when I hear you squeak, but I'm sorry you have to go. I clean my stove after every time I cook, it's spotless, so really what the hell were you doing in there and why did I have to scream like a baby?
Dear Worthless Piece of Shit cats,
You can't even scare away a mouse? REALLY? I've never bothered to name you, little kitty and big kitty has always done us well. But untill the mouse is gone I will refer to you as Chuck Norris and Rosie Odonell. I cringe at the thought, but it's either that or stop feeding you. Get on it hors.
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Krissie gave this to me because she's an incredible smart-ass with a great sense of humor. (and likes to laugh at me for being stoopid) ;) I can't spell for shit!
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- I've come from hillbilly-ville to the city and now I'm moving to MEXICO. This is my shit. Welcome to my blog, I'm not cool but I try to be. Laugh with me or at me, S'all good, just have a nice time.
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Krissie gave this to me because she's an incredible smart-ass with a great sense of humor. (and likes to laugh at me for being stoopid) ;) I can't spell for shit!
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12 comments:
We had 3 mice that looked like miniature kangaroos in our garage once. We trapped them in a big bucket & set them free. While screaming like a baby. I feel your pain!!
I don't do bugs and God forbid I find a mouse in da house. I'd have to move - right then - and send for my stuff later on.
kp - I'm glad you set them free, that's what I used to do when I lived in the country, but I think this might be a ghetto mouse.
OMG CRUISER !! I loath bugs as well. I noticed some odd looking bugs AFTER I moved into my home to the G. EEEWW UH-UH no way, I went out and got enough bug bombs to do the entire place 3 times. I ended up doing it twice but with more than the recommended amount. I figured it would either kill everything or blow up my house. Either way the bugs would be gone and I'd be o.k.
I had a mouse in my apartment in college, and I turned into a lady from old cartoons and got up on a chair. I'm dead serious. I couldn't believe what I was doing while I was doing it, but I just didn't want it to touch me. I also screamed "Eek!" Okay that's not true, but had I been thinking that's what I would have screamed.
I'm laughing at the bug bomb story, probably because I've been there myself. I had an apartment that I shared with a cucaracha the size of Texas. I'd set off a bug bomb, turn and leave for 4 hours or whatever, only to return to the sight of him/her/it sitting on my couch with the TV remote, and licking the can of bug spray like it was Mixmaster beaters with chocolate icing. Indignant oaf. So I bought a house.
Mice suck! We had some show up in our first house when they started strip mining the trees behind our property to put in more houses.
Those little ones are bastards. They can clean the peanut butter off a trap without setting it off.
I remember once I bought one of those "humane" traps where they just go in a get stuck inside and your suppose to set them free in your neighbors yard. Well, that was all and good, except I forgot about the trap and found it a week later. So, instead of a quick and decisive snap... the little pest starved to death. So humane
Cruiser - It wouldn't die? Oh Oh OH man I'm feeling a giant shudder come on. . . oh oh GAWD.
Sgt. - I told my mexican that peanut butter was the only thing that would work, cuz that's what my mom does, and he told me to use a tortilla. Tortilla? WTF? I blew it off as one of his weird mexican beliefs, and said the only way that that would work is if we have a mexican mouse and not a white mouse.
Bastard mouse licked the PB clean, so Mr. I'm-so-damn-smart used his tortilla trick.
I hate it when he does the "I'm right and your wrong mexican jumping bean dance."
Punk ass Ghetto mouse.
LOL. I've used tortillas with peanut butter too. Basically with those little bastards, you have to wedge something into the trigger they have to work to get out.
Unless of course you have some peanut butter with a serial code "2111" on the top. Then it works fine on its own.
OMG, it's the Lindy & Sgt Show! These are some of the best comments ever. Maybe you should actually post these on the main page. Can a blog entry be just blog comments on an entry? Uh oh. I think I just blew a fuse.
Cruiser is right sgt. I'm going to have to start posting my replies to you and then reposting your comments. Your comments end up making things much more funny.
I'm sorry, but what I'm trying to say is that I'm going to use you. Yes use. Nasty, but I'm a hor, what can you expect.
SgtRedline
Recommended Dosage: 2 postings
Should never be taken with alcohol or on an empty stomach. Common side-effects of SgtRedline include mass hysteria, Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia , necrosis and in at least one documented case spontaneous combustion.
Ask your physician if SgtRedline is right for you!
My cats are extremely good at catching mice, but extremely bad about leaving livers and heads on the kitchen floor.
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