Ok so I'm kind of really good at procrastinating. REALLY.
The ice melts off of our roof and ever so jesus christ conveniently drips onto our front steps. After going to war with Mr. Plow Guy Bastard I've kind of sworn off the whole shoveling thing. But BONUS! the snow that we've been getting EVERY DAY for the past month settles nicely upon the ice on our steps and provides sufficient traction.
So anyways the ice and snow has been building up for a while and I've just sort of ignored it. It's not like we have old people coming to visit or anything. Anyways, this weekend it didn't snow for a blessed 3 days. Oh lord it's been nice. But the thing is that the ice keeps melting off our roof and refreezing on the steps, and without the snow I loose my "traction."
When I went out to my car on Sunday I discovered that our steps had transformed into a 2 inch thick ice rink. OOPS.
Why didn't I buy some salt at the Ghetto-Mart the other day when I saw it? Shame.
I got the bright idea of taking the biggest knife in my house and chopping at the ice instead. (i thought about putting on my saftey glasses, does that count?) I hatcheted happily away until I broke the knife. Cheap bastard. Logic would lead me to get my second biggest knife and go out and break that too. (also cheap bastard) At that point I was pissed for breaking my knives and figured I should at least take out my anger on the ice. Yeah I figured jumping up and down on it and kicking it would make me feel better AND break it up.
Right. Good Idea. So O.K. this will be the second time in a month that my neighbors have seen me fall on my ass. At least this time I added Knifes to my act. Maybe in my next installment of the Ghetto Sideshow I'll add fire.
Come to think of it I DO have a torch. I wonder if I could melt that shit off my steps?
I'm getting salt. I swear I will get salt.
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5 comments:
How about adding some of those spinning plates or a little mouse puppet? Or bowling pins to juggle? Maybe little performing poodles? The list is endless.
The knife idea? Yeah, I would've gone there, too. Seriously.
Fire's cool. But you'll probably wind up cracking the concrete underneath. Then the drips can freeze INSIDE the steps. That's always fun.
Cruiser you rock.
Williebee, it sounds like you might speak from experience?
Martha Stewart would carve the ice into a nice sculpture.
I can't stand her. She's not even good enough for me to call a hor. My parents are IN LOVE with MS and I really don't get it. She acts so stuck up!
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