Celibate Countdown

I haven't had sex with anyone besides myself in 1 month and one week. I'm a Celibate Hor. I actually sat down and thought back to my longest dry spell before this. Geeeeeewwww I really am a tad hoe-ish, I've not been dry like this since I was 18. Being that I'm now 26 I'd say I was doing pretty good. (naaauuuuggghhhty!)

Hell it would have been since I was 17 but I made my second (sex involved) boyfriend wait 6 months before I laid it on him. He was 19 but he was a virgin, and trying to do the right thing for Jesus and all that, but eventually - I gave in.

It's been kind of crazy now that I think about it, all starting off with Joe at 17 - you'd think I'd remember so MUCH of those first encounters but for some reason I just don't. It kind of bums me out you know? I wish I could remember more of what it was like. Hell I can't even really remember if I was getting off. Too young.

After that it was M. and we were together 3 years and then broke up for 6 months. In those six months I was 20 and found me a 30 yr old and decided that he was nice. HE thought he was in heaven and was going to "Teach" me everything I needed to know about sex. Dork. He was my first multiple O guy, and that was cool. I thought he was gonna have a heart attack after # 3 though, scary really. He DID open me up to the idea of toys in the bedroom, which was nice, but can a hor get anybody ELSE to be that open?? Punks.

Eventually I came to my senses that that dude was freakin weird and OLD (hahahhaaha) and decided to go back to M. Add on another 3 years with Mr. Insane-mean-crazy and I got up the guts to run away. BUH-BYE-BEEEOOTCH!

Ahhhhhhh and then my summer of "love." Good times. I really came out and developed my full hor-dom that summer and it was great. I had my first and last stalker - too bad, he had one monster of a dick. Sad. Then P, he was ok at first but when we got it on he was so damn tiny, poor guy, oh dear it was terrible. Maybe if he had ANY skillz at ALL in the oral department or would even consider it, it wouldn't have been so bad, but he was a lame-O. Luckily he turned out to be a liar and I booted his ass. WHEW!!

Then my first and last One Night Stand. Wow, that was a tad stoopid. I don't even know how that really happened or just what the hell I was thinking - but I've never drank a yeger-bomb again. From my experience, one nighters suck. You don't know how to work each other and it's just lame. (gee and plus he could have been an AXE MURDER and I had him in my APARTMENT!! REEETARDD!!) Yeah and the morning after? Wow that really IS awkward, especially if they live in a different state, there's no reason to exchange numbers but you do anyways to make yourself feel better. Yuck.

P's best S. friend finally came to his senses and we started our strange summer fling. He taught me how to drink and taught me how to dance and one way or another ended up in ye ole sack. I think I was wearing down at that point though. I was really into this guy, I thought I could love him but he was so adamant about not wanting to be serious no matter how much he liked me back. He had to go back to school in the fall, a whole 2 hours away and that was just too much for him. Well, no that's mean, he did have some other stuff going on that WAS a pretty decent hinder. It was really strange sex for me. He had the perfect penis and when I first saw it I was thinking OH holy COW this is gonna be great! He had the right angle, allllll the right sizes ;). It was a beautiful member. And he knew how to use it you know? But for some reason my poor hor brain was wanting "more" from him, and no matter how good and how long he worked it, I never once got "off."

My apartment, his parents house, a grape vineyard, an apple orchard, his truck, the woods, and eventually his apartment at school. Alllllll sorts of sex and I never got off. I became one hell of a mistress of faking. He used to tell me that I was a girl that was looking to "settle down," "get married" and he couldn't offer me that. I tried to convince him that I was fiiiinnneeeee with our arrangement *bats lashes* (liar I just wanted to keep him) but somehow he knew. He was a really good guy, still is, but he knew that he couldn't give me what I truly needed. So, finally, he got up the guts and we broke it off. We both cried and swore to be friends, and we do still talk (drunk call :P) and that's that.

And then my C. :) My baby my Man. :) We had an interesting start but mama taught the boy what's what and he was eager to please. That's my man! YEEEEE-HAAWWWW!! Hell I kept him around just for that at first. And then of course the little buggar worked his Latin Love potion on me and stole me away from the rest of the world. Buggar had to work hard, this beotch didn't want to give up her horin ways just yet and I was still looking for S to come to his senses. :P Damn Latin Love beotch.

OKAY!! I didn't really know what I was doing today, not sure why I wrote all this down, but hey, when I'm old at least it'll all be here for me to see in case I forget. Aaaaaand you know the intimate details of my hor-history. I guess you even know my "number" now, I hope my Dad doesn't read this anymore. Geesh :P