*****Small update/addition - To the gals who commented here to me about their own "stray" issues I'd just like to say Thank You. Thanx for being cool and calm and brave and helping me to feel like I'm not the only one with these buggars in all the wrong places. It honestly means more than I even thought to have you share. Thank You.*******
My bosses and our salesmen are gone for the week so it's just me and our warehouse guys here to hold down the fort. The guys are outside in the shop doing what they do and I'm finished with my stuff for the day. We don't have too many customers this time of year and I've got a window facing out to where people pull in so I figured I'd be fine.Anyways I got bored with the internet (omg right??) and decided it'd be a good time to fix my face. I'm not sure when the last time I did a good plucking was so I went in the bathroom, washed my face, got out my 5x mirror (what you don't carry one in your purse?? hey at least I save the 10x for home,) grabbed my tweezers and went to town.
I was deep in plucking-mode-thought (do NOT overtweeze your brows do NOT overtweeze your brows.....again) and caught site of one of those terrible little monsters called a "Stray Hair." Those buggars are real assholes, and ESPECIALLY when they're not on your FACE! Let me tell ya, there's nothing like being in the middle of some good and heated up foreplay or even just naked cuddling and having your man stop, cock his head (the big one ;) and say "Hey you've got something here." "Let me brush this off." "It's not brushing off, I'll grab it." "OH." "Uh."
*silence*
*female boner - diminishing*
*going*
*going*
*gone*
Yeah and then for him to mention it - well, mentioning the LACK of it existing any longer, the next time things are heated up - is REALLY not the best of ideas. Take note men: Forget it EVER existed. And really? If you notice it before or during sex? Un-notice it and let us find if for ourselves if you want to continue current activity.
Anyways, on to today. I was in full on pluck mode and noticed a NEW stray, Yay, FUCK. GAWD, I already have a weird one that comes strait out of my forehead and one by the inside of my nose and one on the damn SIDE of my face and now on my CHIN? AAAGgggg My chiny-chin-chin? Fuck you stray hairs. Fuck you and the follicle you grew in on.
Back to it. I got over my initial pissed offtedness and was going in for the kill on my new little friend(s) on my bastard chin when my glass sliding door slid open and I was greeted by none other than my UPS man. Well, by my UPS man and an uncomfortable look that I've yet to see him display until today when he happened on me with a mirror in one hand and tweezers in the other hovering over my CHIN area. Aw Hell. Ya know I probably wouldn't care if he would have busted me plucking my eyebrows. I just sort of don't care about that. But this is different.
And damn it, it was my REGULAR UPS man, the one that comes almost every day. SHHHHIIIIIITTTTTT. From now on he'll pull up to my stop and think, "Okay, just don't look chin-girl in the eye, wait no, don't look at her CHIN, god don't let me look at her chin."
Sorry UPS man, we had a really nice detached "How bought that weather" thing going on and it was great. Sorry I had to ruin that for us. Maybe someday you'll grow some strays in your ears and we'll commiserate. I'll be able to recommend some really good tweezers.
26 comments:
First, stop the slow torture on your brows. I had them (and my upper lip) professionally waxed once, and I never went back to tweezing again, I just learned how to do it myself. It's still torture, it's just over with a lot faster.
Next, you're still young. Give those stray hairs on your chin a few years, Hor. I swear if I didn't spend a little quality time with my mirror and tweezers with alarming regularity, I'd have a better goatee than my Big Guy.
And lastly, years ago I worked in an office with a chick who felt no shame about pulling out her mirror and tweezing at her desk whenever she felt like it. It happened at least twice a week, including when the men who worked with us were present. Seriously, EEEEEWWWW!
Upstate, but if I wax doesn't that mean I have to wait until it's grown out quite a bit? I don't like to let it get very long, but I DO see what you're saying. I WISH I could get lazer removal. MMmmmm that would be lovely.
Ugh I know you're right about more strays coming. It's been slow but they just keep on coming. It seems like for every white hair on my head I get a dark hair on my FACE. That's just wrong.
I can't believe I am going to admit this, but I found an errant hair growing along side my nipple. God damn hormones - it showed up when I was pregnant the first time and never left. I don't mind checking-out the upper lip, chin, and other facial hot spots for hairs, but on my chest?! Thank God my husband is the missing link - the man grows hair in such an assortment of places that I look like I wax on a daily basis.
Ah yes, nothing screams sexy more than sliding your tongue down a woman's chest only to find meet her hairy nipple. Although rather than be grossed out or embarrass her, I might start swirling my tongue around it, curling it up into a little, wet ball before gripping it between my teeth and plucking it out.
Effortlessly - I think I just threw-up a little in my mouth. But I agree! The worst is when it is still short enough to poke the wanderer's tongue . . . which may actually be preferred over the wanderer having to stop to pick the hair out of their teeth.
I'm too disturbed by this post. I can't believe you got bored with the internet....!
HOR!! I'll be happy to come over and pluck anything you want! I'll even pluck you in the ass! Sassy can join in too!
True story-- I have a girlfriend who is hairier than normal and when she was 14 she took a razor to her upper lips. She was forever doomed with a 5 o'clock shadow on her her face. I kid you not! She finally got the laser removal done a few years ago but at the age of 30, it took her awhile to save up for it.
I'm afraid to pluck my eyebrows. I've never done it before and don't want to try and mess up my brows. Some of those bitches out there have some fucked up brows! Knowing me, I would join their ranks of fucked up brows.
I don't know what strength my mirror is but ever since I got it I've been OCD with any and all facial hairs. I bleach my upper lip and tweeze everything else. Hor, be careful with the chin business, when they grow out they itch and/or are sometimes ingrown. I have a couple (ugh) and they're my biggest issue. I hate them.
There is a girl I work with that comes in with a 5 o'clock shadow often. Sideburns and under her chin are dark. Sometimes she's clean shaven looking, so she must shave or something. I don't think it's due to her shaving it an early age, she's got some hormone issues/pcos and she's only 24. It must have just grown on it's own. I don't dare ask. I really feel bad for her, I only have a couple of hairs there and they drive me crazy, she must be at her wits end with hers.
Driving - Omg, omg omgomgomg Pssst! - I went through some icky horomonal stuff about 2 years ago and I'm now the proud owner of a few of those myself. omgomgomgomgomg I really can't believe I just typed that. But hey if you're gonna put yourself out there I'm not gonna stand back in silence. We should start an awareness site. WWNH.
Effort - Just, ... dont.
Sassy - Well maybe if you would more...... (kidding, kidding ;) :)
Dyck - You're gonna give me guitar lessons???? EEEEEE!! I'm so excited!
Jenny - I've remember seeing your picture on your blog and I don't recall thinking "OMG look at those BROWS!! :) So I think you're good ;)
Rosa - PCOS - yeppers, it's a beotch. Birth control pills have helped mine but "they" still keep breaking through. Little bastards. It's good of you to be kind to your co-worker, no doubt she's self concious of it. Silence really is the best policy no matter HOW much you care, in a situation like that. You're a smart woman for not asking. :)
I'm actually thinking of getting rid of my tweezers and getting a job as a bearded lady. But I don't know where to find a circus.
I'm afraid it's true -- the "stray" hairs become more vicious with age. It's soooo not fair. And yes, avoid the razor.
And about the UPS man....that's so something that would happen to me!! LOL
:o) BJ
Excessive leg hair? Check. Not just the hair that other women shave or wax, I've seen hair like that on all my friends and relatives, but actual black coarse man hair. EWWWW.
Nipple hair? Check.
Bearded lady? Not quite yet, but I have darker sideburn hair and white down hairs on my cheeks and chin, so I am deathly afraid of what will happen when I turn forty.
I don't care much about the hair where it is supposed to be, you know, the pubic area and the armpits, and I wouldn't mind leg hair if it were normal women leg hair that is barely visible from a yard away, but my kind of leg hair or the nipples? I'd do laser removal if I had the money.
Krissie - We could join up together and be our own circus.
Blogget - Yeah I've had a couple of bad experiences with the razor. Talk about ingrown hairs, my gawwwwd.
Belle - Beam me UP! Lazer for sure, man o man. Why is the Nip hair darker than the stuff on my head??? At least it's not curly (guufaawww lol) :)
Yeeaaaaggghhhh!
Thank heaven, I'm still tackling wide eyebrows and a chin hair or two. Am deeply thankful I tried hair removal cream on the moustache once, but never shaved. Phew!
Doesn't matter, though. Just let the UPS man pretend that never happened :D.
Suki - eeek hair removal cream and I don't get along. OOoo! And OMG I had a NEW UPS guy today! He's a hottie which is nice but it makes me wonder if maybe the other guy just couldn't handle the awkwardness and asked to be transferd. OMG
Oh ROFL about the new UPS guy. can't you see that conversation?
"Boss, I know I've been on this route a long time, but...you see, there's this girl...and things a man shouldn't see...."
Oh LOL! Don't feel bad. Enjoy the new hottie!
Don't even get me started on my leg hair!
I'm serious. I sometimes scare my sister's bf with my legs.
(I know that sounds weird but it's our thing. Not that I have a thing with sister's bf. Even if I wanted to (which I don't!), it would never happen. Not after he's seen my leg hair.)
Blogget - Oh gawds, but what IF he asked hot guy to SWITCH with him and had to explain why??? ;)
Krissie - So you don't think your sister deserves her boyfriend and that you would be much more suited to him? ;)
Misbehaving hair is of satan.
I can appreciate all these woes of you womenfolk cause as a guy I've had most of the hair move from the top of my head to other less desirable places. I didn't lose any of it - it now grows on my back, in my nose, along my shoulders, yadda yadda...Not a good thing for trying to look appealing to others.
At least it hasn't moved to my ears where I can see it well enough to deal with it.
Not to worry, my ears have those other isses - men's ears keep growing their whole lives and by the time a guy is 70 his ears are a foot long. There is something to look forward to.
It never fails that anytime the UPS man arrives at my door, I'm in the shower and end up running downstairs in a towel. I'm thinking he must think I'm some kind of freak!
hirsute - For real? Mens ears keep growing? So THAT'S why they always look so long on old dudes? Neato. Well, neato for me to find OUT but sort of not for you. You could bind them like Chinese chicks feet. Maybe it'd help. ;)
Sassy - Yeeeaaahhhh for some reason I'm not sure that your UPS man is thinking anything but "YAY!!!"
JUST five minutes ago, before I sat down at my computer to catch up on my favorite hor, I was in the bathroom plucking stiff little hairs outta my chin. I felt them (3) this morning as I was having my cup of coffee and reading the paper. Yuck! I have a friend whose boyfriend used to give her a hard time about them so she would put them in his TOOTHBRUSH when he was at work. Hahaha!
Reading this makes me feel so much better! Really, I was thinking I was the only one that had the chin hair thing, other than my almost bearded friend at work. I was thinking about going the laser route, but I don't think that's permanent. Anyone know? Electrolysis is as far as I know, I havn't looken into it, I'm still in denial.
Ugh, the hair in the ears! Before he died, I used to cut my father's hair (on his head) and he'd ask me to trim the hair in his ears. Oh, the horror!
Jill - ahahah to awesome! The coincidence AND your friend. Her bf was a douche!
Rosa - The laser is permanant but you have to go for a couple of sessions to nix it in full.
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