If you've read more than a couple posts here you know that I love Astroglide. No, I'm not a product endorser or any shit like that, it's just that I masturbate a lot and I like to do it in style. That said I HATE KY brand, it's stupid and last all of 7 seconds. I hate store brands they last about 4 seconds. Vaseline is stupid, I don't know what you boys are thinking with that and so is lotion, lotion is dumb.
Astroglide is made out of some synthetic god-knows-what but if my Vagina was a car and it was oil then I could go 10,000 miles between oil changes. (just like my ghetto car, poor car)
ANYWAYS I'm writing today because I used up my last bottle of wonder-lube, when to ye ole Walt-Marks to get another and *GASP* noticed a NEW product made by Astroglide. OOOooooooooo was your hor excited!! I couldn't imagine how they could possibly improve on their product and I just HAD to try the new stuff.
Well fuck fuckity fuck.
Dear Astroglide,
You suck. Your new product sucks.
I'm so very disappointed that you
took your wonderful creation
and made it suck.
Sincerely pissed that this sucks,
-Hor
Astroglide GEL. Don't bother, don't even think about it. It has the consistency of GOOP, that's the only word for it, GOOP. It's Goopey, too thick and lasts all of 8 seconds. Your poor little clit or schlong will dry up in no time flat and you'll be stuck GOOPEY and unsatisfied, having to re-apply and re-apply until the job is done, at which point you will be SO goopey and pissy and sticky that you will immediately want to take a shower and write a blog rant. -Or so I've heard-
Luckily they still carry the regular brand so I won't have to you know, like, freak out or anything. Praise the Lawd.
13 comments:
I'm sure the Lawd is happy you can still masturbate the way you like.
Well, he better be.
He didn't want me to like it he should have made it suck. And never should have made astroglide.
I've never tried astroglide.. After you have a baby and (for me) if you are breastfeeding, all the extra moisture in your body goes straight to the milk factory in your boobs, which means I could be horny as a dog but dry as a bone down there. Sucks, but at least there is KY. If astroglide is better, I'll go get me some cuz I HATE using KY
Jenny the next time you're in the big city at the walmarts you gotta get it!
And then come back and tell me how much you love me and your husband apreciates me and your vagina thinks I'm cool.
And also, bring pictures.
What??! You were all thinking it!
Bring pictures? I'm slow today.
Well if I could make a suggestion, since you're, like, going to get laid well before I am again... how about trying out that stuff I've been seeing advertised so much lately that's "his and hers." It comes in two tubes, one for him (blue) and one for her (yep, pink). From what the ads say, anyway, when the two of those come together it's mindblowing or something. I think we could all use a product evaluation.
I got your product evaluation right here: HOT DAMN! The Big Guy and I tried it last month, and while I wouldn't go for mindblowing, it definitely added something a little extra special. Hor, I know you're not a KY fan, but you might want to give this stuff a try. We refer to it as His & Hers also, but it's actually called Yours & Mine (I guess they didn't want to offend the gays & lesbians). The only downside I can offer is that it runs about $20 for the pair of them.
Upstate...
Damn, are you kidding me? Geez, I need to try it out too. Anyone want to play the role of the girl? Wait... any women want to play the roll of the girl.*
*I almost forgot some of the people who read this blog
I'll pass on taking pictures!! :o) Might be different if we looked like Angelina and brad, but so not.
I saw that at the walmarts, the yours and mine stuff and I was tempted, but the price stopped me. No way am I going to spend that much on sex lube. There was also another kind of his and hers lube, but can't remember what it was, but between buying condoms an lube, that's about all we can afford. Yes, we're buying condoms because we don't want baby #5 to make an appearance!
Effort - Darling you've got to up the optimism a tad or you're not getting in anybody's pants. Maybe a manic depressive one night stand, but nothing worth yer squirt.
But thank you for the idea :) I read over at the - An Oxymoron is not an idiot with zits- site, that she tried it and it did rock her and her husbands socks off.
That coupled with Upstates praise (Thank You Upstate :) ) Makes me curious about it. But DAMN if I don't have KY and I've had cooling and heating lubes before and they just weird me out. Maybe these are different but I'm so leary of same-shit-diff-package.
Jenny - I still don't get Krissie's Picture comment, god I'm dumb some days. Krissie? Some enlightenment please!!
And darling next time just change your lube over, you'll thank me. And Hooray for condoms yes? :) Yes.
The Arrow And The Song
(1)
I shot an arrow in the air,
It fell to earth, I knew not where; ；
For so swiftly it flew, the sight
Could not follow it in its flight.
(2)
I breathed a song into the air,
It fell to earth, I knew not where;
For who has sight so keen and strong,
That it can follow the flight of song?
(3)
Long, long afterward, in an oak
I found the arrow still unbroke;
And the song, from beginning to end, ，
I found again in the heart of a friend. 。
-----by aoc power
leveling
'...or so I've heard...'
BAaaaah hahahahaaa!!!
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