I came awfuly close to an unwelcome body cavity search yesterday. You all know I'm usually all for that sort of thing but for me the desire for it ends at the intersection of a border crossing and my ass.
It's so EASY to get in to Mexico but to get back in the states it seems to be nightmare. I was so nervous at the sight of the M-16's
at the border search going IN to Mexico that I walked right past the clearly marked "Permissions" center. Forgive me Mexico but I was too busy oogle eyeing the boy with the machine gun searching through my underpants. I don't like people touching my underpants damn it.
Okay one funny thing about that though - I've got a cool condom case, some new brand hocking their wares in pretty packaging, and the dude couldn't figure out what it was or how to get it open. I could have shown him but it was much more amusing to watch him fumble around with it for a while trying to puzzle it open. The crazy part? He ended up just giving up - how awesome and insane is that? Too bad, I was really looking forward to his reaction.
Anyhoo, back to the near-probing-incident. Because I blindly went past the permissions center too nervous to remember to purchase my tourist visa, I had to go back and get one later on. I could have went back anytime that day or even the next day and everything would have been fine. But no, I was too happy to BE there the first day, to see C. and such -- *AHEM* -- and the second day it was so friggin shoot-myself-HOT that I wouldn't leave the room. Aaaaaand the next day we were with his family the enitre day. So on and so forth I didn't go back and get my tourist pass untill the day before I left.
Moron. I didn't even think anything of it at the time, I just knew I needed one to get back home and figured all'd be well, I'd just tell the border police I got into mexico the day the visa was stamped, they'd search my bag and on my merry way I'd proceed.
Ha. Hahahahahah stupid girl! IDIOT!! "Here's your sign!" "DEE-DEE-DEEE" - whatever retard slander you'd like to insert here just go right ahead.
GUH.
-
Has anybody figured my mistake out yet? Please tell me at least SOME of you don't get it, I need something here people.
Right, so here's the deal - I'm trying to get back into the states with a suitcase packed for a 5 day trip - I.E. - TEN days worth of clothing and girlie lotions and potions galore. I've got no less than 8 pairs of fancy pants ( btw why do they call one thong "underpants?" it should be an underpant -understring- whatever but it shouldn't be plural damn it) THEN my day-wear lady flower covers and a slew of bras to match of course. Enough skirts and dresses to outfit the ladies of a church revival and of course jeans and capris just in case I felt like not pretending to be a lady for C's family.
Point, I had a point, - ah yes, it was when he was looking into my FOURTH zip-lock bag jammed full of travel shampoos and jerlery and the man was asking me for the FOURTH time how long I'd been in Mexico that it dawned on me.
Shit. Shit shit shit Shhhhiiiiiiiiiiiittttt !
"Why did you come to mexico?"
"For a visit"
"What kind of visit?"
"Oh! Uh, to look for an apartment, I'm moving here next month."
"Really. And you only came for one day? That's not much time to find a place."
"Yeeaaahh, well I would have LIKED to stay longer but I have to get back to work unfortunately"
HA hhahhahah I thought by telling him that I would have LIKED to stay longer I was saving my butt a little bit, kind of like I would have LIKED to wear all 12 pairs of underwear and stay for a week but I'm important or something and must rush from the country and save my workplace.
Right.
"What is it you do for a living agian?"
"I'm a secretary and sometimes a truck driver."
Good one.
So ANYWAYS 10,000 questions later he left me standing there at the search station pissing next to my open suitcase and went off to his office with my passport to look me up on his computer for a while. I could see him searching for shit and started to lose my nerve a little bit.
A tad.
Okay so I was trying to figure out a way not to shit my pants. Meanwhile ANOTHER man came along to search my bag but I didn't take much notice because I was ALSO trying to figure out what I was going to say when the first guy came back and confronted me with the damning evidence of the super secret spy camera that took my picture when I crossed the border - that he was able to find by matching the configurations of my facial sturcture in my passport picture a-la-CSI - PROVING that I had been in Mexico not 2 days but FIVE - and proceeded to haul me off to the fun room and then jail.
Just as I was coming out of it a tad and thinking maybe I could just say that I stayed with his family in Texas a few days before going down to MX and THAT'S why I needed 8 thong underpants - he was walking back tword me, giving me my passport and telling me to have a nice day.
At which point I abruptly fainted.
Ok, so not really but that would have been par for the course that day and I WAS shaky and sweating and light headed.
I guess answering the other 9,999 questions truthfuly and not actually HAVING any drugs or mexicans stored in my suit case was enough to get me off the hook. Who were they to prove (without the super secret spy camera (ok grama gotta stop watching so many crime shows)) that I'm not just really high maitanance or a weirdo or like, super over prepared or something. Who are they to assume that I'm not the type to prepare for a world wide thong, lotion or shampoo shortage crisis at all times?
They can't, and luckily my ass lives to see another day - sanz uninvited probe-ing.
I need a drink.
XOXOXO's
- Hor
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20 comments:
you have underpants?
huh.
um... don't blow my image of you... tell me you own more than one pair of thong underwear.
Really what this tells me is you and C could have a new fantasy in the making here. "Innocent American girl...rough Mexican border guard...a little body cavity probing..." Dang, I'd buy that video! heh.
Subscribing to comments...
Two thongs don't make a right.
Jeremy - You know, I went from like 9th grade untill I was 22 or so and then one day I just decided to start wearing again. It was weird you know? I think it was all the new cute stuff, I like to dress up ya know. :P
Effort - Ooo You darling get an A for effort today! I love the fantasy I believe I'll use it tonight. GRACIAS!
Dyck - You're so quick with the wit dyckie poo, I've got no retort but I DO have the "Thong song" stuck in my head.
You would've liked probing, I bet.
I'm a tad confused. Was this US Customs questioning you, or some Mexican authorities? If it was our Customs people, the amount of your luggage was not the first thing that raised their suspicion, it was the apparent length of your visit. Any visit of less than 4 or 5 days to a source country will set them off. And yes, a body cavity search would have been a real possibility. Seriously better just to be straight with them and admit your mistake. Lying only makes you nervous, and they're going to mis-interpret your nervousness in a really dangerous way.
Didn't realize you had a former Customs Inspector amongst your regulars, did you?
Upstate - Well it's a good thing I'm half slightly anon then. :P
But yeah, it was our US folks. So they would have flipped out less if I would have just told them that I'd been there for 5 days but forgot to get my tourist visa until later? I guess that makes sense but I get all scared and flipped out.
The thing that really gets me is that when I FLY in and out of Mexico they don't do ANYTHING hardly. Maybe they go through my bags or have dogs sniff them on the plane where I don't see but I never get asked the 10,000 questions when I fly. But to DRIVE over and back is just a horror. I don't get it, I mean yeah I guess there are more places to smuggle things in a car but STILL, why don't they at least ask me a few questions or SOMETHING besides checking my picture and saying "have a nice day" when I come back to the us after flying.
National Security is weird.
Oh!! OH!! I have a question!!! A friend of mine wanted me to bring him back some mexican amoxacillian or penicilin or what-have-you because it's cheaper down there. I chickened out of course because I don't know if it's legal or not and lord knows I'd have a heart attack as soon as the man asks me the first question. SO - IS it legal to bring back that stuff? I hear about a ton of people doing it but I just don't know.
So, do tell! :)
I don't think it is D. My grandmother used to make an annual trip to Mexico to buy her heart meds because they were about 25% the cost she paid in the U.S. Sometime a couple years ago, though, she had to stop because she was told that unless the prescription was in HER name and can't be more than a "standard" quantity, which I guess means less than a year's supply.
Of course they insisted this was to protect the U.S. population since there's no way to ensure the quality of Mexican originated pharms, but we all know it's to protect the profit margins of the fucking drug companies in the U.S., who rape us on the cost so they can offset selling it so cheap in other countries.
BASTARDS!!!!!! Effort, Bastards!! Poor grammy, is she still around? She can move there with me and become a citizen and get good cheap drugs.
How do you feel on Walmarts new thing about having like 500 prescription drugs for $10 (or is it a dollar?) I thought that was kind of nice - or is it crap?
I'm so uninformed.
Yeah, she's still around and kicking. She'll outlive me I'm sure. heh.
I think the whole WalMart thing is a fine idea if you're a consumer; not so good if you're an employee since it's just another way they can undercut wages. But you can't have it both ways: either you pay more and charge more, or you charge less and pay less to employees. I'll take pay less. lol.
I'm pretty sure they would have been a lot more cool if you had admitted your error immediately. I'd bet next week's paycheck that they've had people coming back who neglected entirely to get a visa stamp at all. There's nothing new under the sun, Sweetie.
Yeah, I'm afraid EA is correct, it is illegal to bring prescription drugs in. As a matter of fact, that was the one and only drug seizure I ever got, for some heart meds (I worked cargo, and only went to do passengers when absolutely FORCED). I know there are some things on which they are pretty lenient, though. Tylenol w/codeine is OTC in Canada, but prescription here. Seniors with arthritis who live anywhere near the border used to go across to get it. But the limit on looking the other way was 99 pills. So they'd buy a bottle of 100, and just take 1 before they crossed.
In any case, given that you get intensely nervous when they look your way, I'd leave that alone.
Effort - so they didn't get a raise last year, ah well at least the door greeters will live a few years longer. :P Glad your gramas still around.
Upstate - Thank You!! My friend told me that his sister and their friends go across in big motor homes with all of their wares. I imagine it's easier to store it away in a motor home than in one lil suitcase, maybe that's how they got away with so much of it.
I really look forward to having my F3 visa and getting used to the back and forth transit. I'm curious about how that will go with me crossing -legally- 5 days a week. Will the gaurds get to know me and not bother me as much? I'd kind of hope so and then kind of not you know? I don't WANT to be hassled every day going to work but at the same time the idea of gaurds becoming lax because they know me is kinda scary too.
I'm such a spaz, what will be will be, I'll get used to it.
Yes, absolutely, they'll get to recognize you eventually. It may take a little while, but they'll get there. My friends who work at JFK and Newark airports even get to recognize the business people who take commuter flights on a regular basis, and that's only once a week or so. Just please be straight with them. Once they catch you in a lie, you've damaged your credibility and they're a LOT more likely to take a closer look at you. I hate to tell you this, but your name is probably flagged in the database now, so you might get a little attention the first few times you cross. What I'd be more concerned about if I were you is whether that flag in the database is going to slow down your visa. I hope not, but it's a possibility. You know all of us out here in cyberspace have our fingers crossed for you and C.
Oh GEEEEEEEZZZ and all of this because I forgot to get a stamp and then freaked out? The worst thing I've ever done is get a speeding ticket. Ah well, hopefully it'll be fine, they didn't actually ever "catch" me in a lie or find anything bad on me, I just looked weird. God I hope looking weird isn't going to mess up my visa.
Oh well at least I can keep getting tourist visas if I have to. When I finaly DID get my tourist visa C. asked them if there would be any problem with me commuting every day and they told us no, that I could even get a 180 day tourist visa and come and go every day for a 180 days if I wanted. (and renew again at the end) So at least there's that, I'll be legal SOMEHOW and that's what's important. Who knows, maybe I'll just have to leave a LOT of time open in the mornings to get to work. I can always do my shopping in the morning if I get a quick-through.
So if you get flagged, can you eventually be un-flagged?
And btw if this is too many questions to be asking that's ok, I understand the concept of "trade secrets."
But thank you for what you've told me :) it's apreciated.
World Wide thong shortage!!! ...and then all this customs information. I used to always get stopped and searched whenever I entered or left the USA (I'm a Canuck) and someone finally told me it was routine for women travelling alone... or maybe I just looked shifty.
Sparx - Shifty, I'm definetly going with shifty :P
Sparx, I'm kinda surprised by that simply because it's Canada. Wasn't considered a big source country when I was in uniform - of course, that was 15 years ago, things may have changed. If you told me you were travelling alone on short hops to most anywhere in South America, hell yeah, I'd walk you to a search room myself.
Hor, when I was out there flags in the system "age out" after a while, especially when they turn out to be fruitless. If they have flagged you, it could be a drag for a while, but on the other hand, it will help the Inspectors get to know you. They'll learn to recognize you BECAUSE of the flag, and once they know you're okay they'll leave you alone. Who knows, it might actually work in your favor in the long run. And I have no problem with questions, just bear in mind that my training is 15 years out of date, although I still have lots of friends in uniform.
Thanx Upstate, you've made me feel a little better. And you're right maybe having them get to know me won't be that bad and will turn out to be good. I just get so nervous - I'll need to take my klonopin regularly - for no reason. But even if I'm a nervous nancy they'll have to leave me be after a WHILE I would hope, for the mere fact that I really don't do drugs or smuggle or anything else retarded. Bring on the dogs and let 'em sniff me! :) Thank You again.
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