I was so excited to go for 2 days to a company meeting.
I was so WRONG about being excited.
I was excited because THIS year I was going for 2 days instead of 1 AND I was going to have my own room! YAY lots of free food, no work and a room to myself to take a real bath and do facials and scrubs and peels and be nekkid and watch t.v.
RRRIIIIIIGGGHHHHHTTTT.
Oh my GOD have you ever been to a meeting in a hotel??? Yes I'm sure you have but did you experience the horrid ass smashing/numbing affects of hotel provided meeting chairs? My ass STILL hurts. No amount of free pop can make up for the fact that they made us sit and listen to people drone on and on and on from 8-5 with only 2 10 min breaks and a 45 min lunch. Those bastards!
I was SO happy when it came time for dinner the first night! I was FINALLY going to be able to eat my free food have a cocktail or two and retire to my room to take off a layer of skin. But no.
NO NO NO NO NO. My bosses like to drink. After dinner we went to the hotel bar to hang out for what I thought would be just a little bit but somewhere along the line a company card came out and drinks being free = nobody goin nowhere. When the hotel bar closed I thought OK!! I don't have to stay to look cool anymore and can run back to my facials! YAY!! But no. My OTHER boss showed up and decided we needed to take our sore asses and FIND A BAR!!
UH Oh. Have I ever mentioned that I'm not MUCH of a drinker? I try not to bring it up so I don't loose blog cred but here it is. I was DANDY after the long island I had at the restaurant and the 3 Smirnoff's that magically kept popping up in front of me in the hotel bar.
Yeah I could have said followed "Just Say No" and told my bosses to have a nice night but COME ON how often does this happen? Only a few times a year and dang it I can't resist trying to look like one of the kool kiz with my bosses. Or at least TRY and say something funny around them and not make a fool out of myself.
I was doing OK with my #4 Smirnoff until my #1 boss ordered long islands for the 3 of us. Wha??? Who? For ME? Crap. MMMMmmm but it tasted great! But then #1 boss ALSO decided we needed to do a shot. Shit.
Commence GIGGLE FACTOR X where a certain blogger has crossed the line into permagrin, talking about "dirty" stuff to co-workers (and my bosses but THEY started it!,) giggling uncontrollably and loosing all ability to make coherent sentences. #1 tried to get us all to drink MORE but while he was ok even after his 3 wisemen we were not.
I ended up in my room at 2:30 and set my alarm THAT DIDN'T GO OFF. Somehow I woke up with enough time to pack my things (including ohhhh all of my unused facial/body stuff!) that were scattered everywhere (how the hell did that happen??,) take a 3 minute shower (almost fell down 3 times because of dizziness,) realize how nice my bathtub really was, and get my ass down stairs and into the meeting. No free breakfast for this hor, I was lucky just not to be late.
I'm a jack ass and I need to have a visit with the D.A.R.E bear so he can give me a pamphlet and remind me how to "Just Say No."
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16 comments:
This is HYSTERICAL! While I've not been in the same situation, I've seen it happen. I go to a lot of conferences with co-workers. That's where I discovered my now-former-boss wasn't such a a-hole after a couple of beers. I even smuggled one into a corn maze for him, and had to wait patiently while he found a place to pee in the corn (don't stay off those paths, people!).
Sorry about your facials and bath, though :o( Maybe you'll get a chance soon.
Hey, I'm going to be one of those droning people at a conference next month. Any suggestions how to not drone? I'm thinking of throwing candy.
So was any Karaoke involved?
@Blogget: I always found T-Shirts/hats work great. Oh, and faking a system crash is good for a laugh. Candy is hard to see and your likely to put someone's eye out.
But I'll wake them up if I hit them ;o)
Hmm...shirts and hats....I'll see if we can get any. Maybe pens, but that has the eye-injury issue, too.
Hmmm? Did you say something? I couldn't get much past "be nekkid and watch t.v."
I've been to sooo freaking many of those and they never turn out to be as relaxing as they should. They're also an excuse for people who like each other in the office to bone where their respective spouses won't find out.
Hah. So I was sorta right back in Class 8. That's 8th grade for you.
My teacher mentions cocktail parties, where business deals were usually discussed. I pipe up, "So what's the idea? Get the other party good and drunk so you can fleece them?"
Not bad strategy, no?
yeah. the chair. that's why your ass hurts.
hor.
Why don't you come stay at Hotel Dyckerson? I'll be happy to give you a "facial"...
conference chairs are ass
i have been to too many to count and at first always had to stay till the party was over, but have learned that saying no is almost always the way to go, let every one else look hung over and stupid in the morning
Well, you know where I stand on the drinking issue.
Did I say stand? I meant lie.
Blogget - I'm going do freak, were you there???? Our main presenting guy thought it would live-in us up if he offered prizes (candy) for us participating by answering and asking questions. He was met with all the enthusiasm of insulted teenagers. It DID make me want to answer questions - because I wanted some candy - but as for the drone factor? No dice. The best thing to do I think is to give a pause and say something that a regular person might say once in a while and not just going ON and ON from point to point with no break. I don't mean like a long story or horribly planned out joke just a comment or something small that brings you back to earth in our eyes. I'm making no sense but I know what I mean. My bad but good luck Blogget :) Oh and please don't throw it like a sissy (or throw at all really) and hit people in the head and land stuff in old ladys water glasses like our guy did.
Sgt. - no, thank god it was a sports bar.
Effort - That's what my boss says!! (about the massive amount of cheating/boning going on) but CRAP I can't imaging ANY of these people getting it on. AAAACK just yuck I'm pretending it doesn't happen.
Suki - Oh my gosh how did you come up with that being so young at the time?? I wonder how hard it was for your teacher not to laugh her ass off at that :)
You wish Jeremy. And besides that would have been some pretty bad aim on his part because it's my ass CHEAKS that hurt not the hole. Hell I would have shared that story.
Oh Dyck, that's kind of you but I broke down and just did it all at my house last night. Not the same but at least my skin is nicer.
John - At least they didn't smell like it.
CT - Hung over and stupid looking in the morning? MUUUAAHHH???? I was trying so hard to look fresh and chipper and not like a garbage bin but damn it they were still looking at me like a freak. Damn it.
Krissie - yeah at least you can comiserate with me on the "drunk girl" thing ;)
He landed stuff in old ladies' water glasses? That's FUNNY!
No, I wasn't there! My conference starts on Halloween. I can't wait! It's the fifth year I've been, and fifth year to present. Last year's was a little droney because it was about research. That's just dry....
The year before I threw in fun words, like "iambic pentameter" and "Antonio Banderas," and peopel were still asking me about it the next year. So, I know exactly what you mean. I thought about making it a Star Wars-themed presentation, but I'm not sure my co-presenter will go for it! ;o)
Thanks!
First, I think I pulled a muscle laughing at this because I can totally hear you talking about your Rabbit with the "gang" at the bar. LOLOLOL Second, with age comes the attitude of "I don't give a damn what anyone thinks."
Seriously, I don't care if I don't know them.
And what's with the menage a trois with you and Bloggett and Redline? You guys are BFF now, and I'm all standing on the outside of the circle looking all scraggly....;o)
You almost fell over in the shower because of being dizzy? Sheesh, I would've slipped in the puke I'd just hurled if I'd had all that to drink. You're a hard-core hor, Lindy, even if you did have the hangover from hell.
On a serious (well, at least not flippant) note: I love staying at hotels, too, so I can do those facial masks and exfoliate til my skin bleeds. I don't know why I can't do those things properly at home, since I live alone, but I just can't. It just seems more indulgent at a hotel. And add in one of those fluffy hotel robes? Awwww, heaven.
Blogget -AHHHHH hahahahahaha I'm sorry, ahahahhahha Star aaahhhh Wars ahhh presentation!! ahahhah you are the BEST!! Oh crap, hell that WOULD be unforgetable and you WOULD have all the decorations. Ya know actually if I think about it that's not half bad considering your subject matter, sort of a futaristic theme. Smart Gal!
Sassy - Thank You, and you DORK why are you standing out there when all you have to do is jump in the box with us?? You KNOW you were my first BFF and lord knows Sgt loves you. I've been wondering why YOU haven't joined in so there! (I figured you might feel weird doing it at work and I'm always on during business hours so at least there's that)
You're one of the origianl kool kidz so stop hanging out under the bleachers and come on in! :)
Cruiser - I feel so proud to have you tell me that I'm a "hard core" drinker. Can I put that up as a blog award? It feels like one coming from a super-party-gal like you! ( I mean that in the nicest non-insulting way possible it just SOUNDS bad)
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