I've never really understood balls. Yep I just don't get what the hell they want me to do with them. And gall dernit every man is different! There's no set rule to nuts and want they want - which kind of reminds me of boobs. Some chicks love to have their boobs squeezed or sucked or manhandled and some don't want a man come near them. I'm sort of an inbetweener but damn it stay away from my nipples! Seriously I am not your mommy get off 'em it feels friggin weird.
It's seems just the same for testes, some guys don't want anything near them some want them salty balls in your mouth, some want 'em tickled, others want them kneaded like dough and one of you out there even wants em pulled on. What. The. Hell. The difference between Nads and Breasts tho is that I think guys are WAY more touchy about the subject.
A chick will a lot of times let the guy do what he wants with her funsacks and humor him for a little bit but if a chick makes one wrong move on a ball it's freaking out time. And damn it now that I think about it at least guys WANT to play with our boobs but I'll tell ya the truth I couldn't really care less about that there sack. Oh the HORROR I know, but does a set of set of bolos really turn ANY chick on?
Like "Ooo00hh baby look at them hairy wrinkly mysterious balls of joy, MMMmmmmmmmm come on daddy." No? No. Not to say that I'm not happy to do stuff with 'em, it's all about give and take and of course I want to please my partner but there's just nothing about gonads that reves up my engine.
Don't get me wrong tho, it's not like I dislike the balls, in fact I find them to be quite entertaining at times. OH!! Like if a guy coughs or moves his schlong and you get close to the balls you can watch them move around all weird and creepy like by themselves. SOMETIMES if you watch em the nuts just move around for no apparent reason at all and in no particular pattern! They're like a friggin lava lamp - I have been known to lay transfixed by the gentle eb and flow of a hairy sack for minutes on end completely entertained until the dude freakes out and gets uncomfortable because I'm studying his nuts. Gals if you've never done it, next time he's on his back go down and look at the ballsack and ask him to cough. Then just watch as they do their thang.
I'm sort of easily entertained but I swear you'll get a kick out of it.
So yeah guys are so touchy about their balls and I can never figure out exactly what to do with the things. Even if a guy LIKES them messed with and gives me explicit instructions I'm still kind of in the dark. I need a meeting people, "Testicle Performance Fear." Anonymous of course. My name is L-Hor and even I am nervous around the sack.
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41 comments:
Personally, I don't like them messed with, but I would generally just say "no, not there" or something like that. The last thing I would want to do is freak out and stop all the other good going on.
As for your viewable entertainment, probably more common. My wife finds fascination from time to time with my ability to move all the apparatus down there. What.. you think its just a dead body parts that just hang there?
I always default to the sage wisdom of N.W.A. -
"What d'you want me to do with it?"
"Don't matter just don't bite it"
Unless, of course, the guy likes that, too... Although he may need a threshing machine rather than a lover at that point.
Nuts are like nature's neato thermostat. Constantly adjusting to the ambient temperature, distancing and closing the gap between the heat of the body.
And impossible to shave well... Holy JESUS, what I wouldn't give for smoother, uniform nuts. Sure, you can bulge 'em to fake shiny, but there's always a wrinkle or two.
I just choked back laughter to keep from explaining to my co-worker why I was so amused.
You are hysterical.
Did you know that you CAN shave balls?
OMG that's hysterical! "Funsacks".... "lava lamp".... Your posts always make me glad I have a private office, so I don't have to explain my laughter!
I have adopted the policy of leave it alone unless told otherwise. The same policy I was more guys would adopt about the whole "backdoor" issue.
But, for God's sake, don't shave 'em. At least not for me. There's something disturbingly juvenile about that. No, I want my men to be as manly as possible...and hairy means testosterone. I love testosterone.... ;o)
Sgt. No darling I'm sorry I didn't mean to imply that your man parts are anything less than alive and manly and virle, FOR SURE alive and not limp or dead. Ew dead? Gross.
Somacow - :) Good advice and thank you for the anatomy lesson, stuff like that is always apreciated and encouraged here. Smoother more uniform nuts? HHHHAAAAAAAA oh lord that's just wrong. SOOOO what's the deal though, one O them buggars hangin quite a bit lower? 'S okay to us gals as long as they can still dance.
IMA - I've experienced shaved balls before but the memory's been blocked out by the INCREDIBLY pissy itchy man that resulted from said shaven man tackle. Very pissy indeed.
Blogget - Ditto on the back door (good luck to you in that respect in the future with new guy;) And YES!! I too enjoy testosterone, I like my men with hair damn it. Not so much for back hair but everywhere else is fine by me, nice. and. fuzzy!
I cannot but to agree with every. single. word. you've written.
You get all those advice about "treating 'em nicely" but what to do exactly? No one's telling.
T-bagging? You know what? I don't think so.
Krissie - That's what you have to ask the guy but even then it's still kind of hard because you don't know how soft or hard or how long they want you to fiddle with em.
Teabagging -gggaaaaaaahhhhhhh hahahahahah seems like they're really too big for that but somebody made it up and now it's a big urban ledgend and chicks think they're supposed to do it. At least that's my stance on it. :)
I like to dip my balls in honey and have my woman lick it off of me. Then I like my woman to roll my nuts between her thumb and forefingers whilst blowing on them gently. Finally, I like my woman to serenade my sack with a 70's love ballad.
Balls. What's the big deal?
Dyck,do you have a special dippin' jar, or do you just use one of those squeezy bears?
They are not a lot like breasts. If you flick a breast will you get a giant stab of pain from your crotch to the top of your head? No. You will not.
@Steve: Seconded.
How do you know, Steve? Do you have breasts AND balls? ;o)
I like to trim my balls and shaft(no flossing) every 2 or 3 days. Balls are fun, Hor.They make a great addition to just about every home.Except for homes belonging to muff divers, of course.'goes without saying.
Gentle kneading is good becasue the brass makes a nifty clanky sound.
Ahhh, balls-I can take 'em or leave 'em, they're just something I like to hold onto while I'm working above ;) They're not the icing on the cake, IMO.
And WHAT is the deal with guys shaving their stuff? Is that a new trend or something? I recently saw some...uh, sexually explicit pictures and all the guys were bare, what a turn-OFF. Not that I like them hairy, but in order to ride this ride you must have pubic hair.
@SB: So, yours reach your crotch, then? AND go up to your head. Wow. Do you have silly putty implants or something?
I agree, very interesting to watch on occasion.
In 9th grade, in health class, we got to talking about the human anatomy: Male vs Female. The teacher brought up about how Female breasts are never the same size and then I asked about the boys: Are their testicles the same size or different? Teacher didn't know as she was a female. So I took it upon myself to survey all my classmates and then the rest of the school. Yes, I actually walked up to people and with a straight face, asked, "Are your balls the same size? Which side is larger, the left or right?" I also asked girls about their boobs and the next day at class I was able to say that guys are like girls with uneven balls and boobs and the majority of us have a left boob or ball that is larger than the right. The "expert" has spoken!
(This was a deaf school I went to and there were about 350 students total, so it was easy to ask everybody. I was NOT a shy one then!!)
There's nothing to understand. Lick 'em, suck 'em, tickle 'em, worship 'em. Just go for it and I'll tell you if/when it hurts. Oh, and while you're doing it, make sure you make eye contact. That's just too hot.
Dyck - See? That's what a girl needs, specific directions! Now if you'll excuse me, AHEM "...Love will keep us alive..."
Steve - it's more of an all over body icky feeling if the nip gets hurt.
Sassy - You tell 'em girl ;)
Stan - You have hair on your shaft?? Do tell.
Tfg - Yeah but make sure to warm that stuff up first, brrrrrrrr
Rosa- AMEN SISTA to some hair and testosterone!
Alan - dearie I loves ya but have you been on the pipe agian?
DJ- Glad to know I'm not alone, but I should have figured a fellow hippie child would have to understand ;)
Jenny - I'm sorry did I miss the period where you WERE shy?? I'm lost. (GAWWWD you are great!! I LOVE the survey! And for the record my right is bigger.
E.A.- Can do except for the worship thing, I tend to praise the shaft a bit higher ;)
"E.A.- Can do except for the worship thing, I tend to praise the shaft a bit higher ;)"
Yeah, yeah, suuure you do. You woman are all about shaft worship until you get married and own the meatcicle. Then it's all "oh my jaw hurts" or "Not tonight, Desperate Housewives is on."
you just haven't seen my hairy wrinkly mysterious balls of joy.
Oh Alan, I know virginity is difficult. I'll let that one slide...
Gurrrrrl, you simply crack me up. Your brain works in mysterious ways. So funny!
I was wondering why you weren't posting much anymore, then I found out that you went halfway accross a continent. GTFO my library, you're making it a non child-friendly learning environment!
Effort - Sorry but that's not par for all us chicks ;) My man is quite satisfied with my oral performance, regularity and often-ness but that's because I, I am satisfied with his performance and reciprocation as well. Give and take and a lot of love :)
Jeremy - Well then send me a pic darlin!!
Sassy - once again your wisdom reigns supreme. Where I mistaked alan's Krazy for crack pipe you came through with the much more sage answer of virgin syndrome.
Thank You Cruiser :) always apreciate non solicited praise. MMMMMMMM mMMMMMM gooooodddd :)
Alan what the heck are you talking about?? I'm coming.
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