First off I need to tell you people - SHIT it's hard to take pictures at a gas station without looking like a major weirdo. For real I was pumping gas and figured I'd just snap it real quick but GGGGAAWWWDD people wouldn't stop looking at me! Ok so maybe it was because I was originally TRYING to take a picture of a new Hummer with a Soccer Mom soccer ball sticker pasted on the back. I thought it was funny and I wanted to show you, my internet pals so you could laugh when I told you that holy shit and damn if THAT'S what stressed out crazy I-have-no-time-I-must-drive-like-a-maniac-to-get-this-brat-to-it's-extracurriculars ass soccer moms are driving these days then I think I need to get off the road. Cuz damn.
So anyways I think the owner of said Hummer felt strange that I was ogling her waiting for her to turn around so I could snap a pic without her seeing. (ok ok so I'm not exactly private eye material here ok?) So much so that when she went in the store she kept an eye on me. I actually gave up and went to move on to the gas station sign above but I think the beotch said something because then the store clerk came outside and stood out there in front of the damn sign watching me. FUCK! I had to drive around the block and then come back and do a drive-by.
N. E. Ways. A couple of things about that sign.
1. Who in hillbilly nowhere is buying organic milk and why the CRAP would they buy it at a gas station? Seriously?!?
2. Christ on a cracker who was the genius that thought to advertise organic milk along with quite possibly one of the most UN-organic products sold as "food?" Hell maybe they're trying for a wide demographic reach, what do I know.
3. And the following diddy between an imaginary hillbilly mom and dad went through my head as I was driving away -
*Set Scene*
*Glenda, pick me up a pack of pall malls when you go in to pay." "Huh, lookie ther, they got org-gan-ik milk, this must be one them fancy places like they got in Californyuh."
"Red I'ma goan git some that milk for the baybies, that'n way they ain't goan be gettin no mad cow er nothin."
"Glenda you might be a cow an you might be mad but I don't think yer milks gone sour yet."
"I'm fer serious Red I saw it on the Tee Vee."
"Ok well fine. An while yer at it pick up a couple packs of them there hot dogs. That way if'n the propane runs out agyn the kids'll have some meat to eat an we aint got to worry bout cookin it."
"Aw Red yer one smart thinkin fella, I knew my daddy was wrong about you."
As I was driving and thinking about posting this I actually thought about DYCK!. Strange I know but I imagined him posting a comment in response somewhere along the lines of "I've got some organic milk AND some sausage right here hor." At that point I started to question my sanity a bit considering Dyck isn't "real" and I haven't even posted yet. Ah well, a glimpse into a hors mind for yuh.
14 comments:
99 each? 99 dollars? cents? pesos?
Don't forget to peruse the $9.99 DVDs. Organic milk and hot dogs were made for movie night!
99 crushed beer cans?
Sgt. Indeed nothing like a picked over B-rated movie selection only there as a ruse to cover up the girlie mags. I guess I missed out.
Blogget - Wha? Like they paid for their hotdogs with can returns?
Christ on a cracker....I've got to introduce that phrase more frequently into conversation. Thanks for the glimpse into a hors mind BTW. I'm looking forward to the uncut, full-frontal version. As for the "Dyck's not real" thing, well, Christ on a cracker, who do ya think writes that goddamned blog? The voices inside my head?Dick Cheney? L. Ron Hubbard, perhaps?
Let me say this, Hor.I've frequented many truck stops in the USofA. Perhaps even more than you have. Now I am particular about bathrooms and toilets and the conditions under which I will empty my bladder. I like clean bathrooms, bright bathrooms, and I hate loud toilets, loud sinks, loud anything in the realm of the commode. I don't like TTDs (toilet transmitted disease) such as crabs or anal warts. And if any of the fellas start up with that foot tapping business ....well, that puts me right off.
Do I make myself clear?
...uhm...yeah. The beer can thing is a joke in a particularly redneck community not far from where I live....I guess it didn't translate well! LOL
btw - the thing about the clerk standing out there, watching you, was hysterical! Can't you just imagine the conversation that took place inside the store, to make him do that? :o)
Wow, you must be way more intimidating in person that you look in your picture. :)
Stan? What in the hell are you talking about? You write Dycks blog? Did I miss something here?
And how the hell did you get on the subj. of truck stop etiquette?
More truck stops than ME? Are you a former trucker as well? Nobody taps their foot next to me, I feel left out.
Blogget - You're slammin my hillbilly street cred here girlie, I'm so ashamed I haven't heard that one.
Ellen - Intimidating? I really am a badass. Well no but staring at someone for 3 minutes with a camera in hand miiiiiiight be a little bit of a red light. Ah well I'll do better next time.
I've got some organic milk AND some sausage right here hor.
You are one funny hor.
And that is hilarious that the hummer lady got all nervous.
LOL I thought you said GESTATION fare. That's a whole other topic.
What the hell is organic milk? For that matter, what exactly is non-organic milk?
Buying food at a gasstation is kind of creapy! Travelling in Europe the gasstation look more like liquor stores!
Dyck - I feel deja vu or something here.
Katm - Why Thank You. And yes, I mean when did it become a crime to stare at strangers with a camera in hand at a gas station. She had no reason to fear. Hell I would have posed for someone if'd been me.
Cruiser - AHHHAHA yeah slightly. And not there yet thankfully ;)
Alan - Hell you've got me. Let's see if we've got regular milk and organic milk maybe the regular milk comes from cows that eat a lot of laxatives. And the organic comes from cows that eat organs. There we go, mystery solved.
Lady - A lot of our gas stations are like that too. We then label them "convenience stores." Although it's not exactly convenient to my wallet to spend another 50 percent mark-up.
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