I have one of those nice little chemical imbalances in my brain that if goes untreated dumps my ass right off into the land of depression. For years I was in a steady fog of slump and dump on the inside - but tried my best to appear upbeat and peppy for my friends and family. But I was an unhappy hor and the result left me in a place where I didn't want *gasp* SEX. During those years I was living with a supreme bad-guy and I thought my mood was sort of due to my situation with him. Eventually though, I succumbed to the Zoloft commercials and went to my doctor who quickly threw a bottle of pills at my ass.Zoloft left me with a TEENSY side effect - I COULD NOT ORGASM. OMG right? Not that I was on the sex-train class A as it was but that stuff shut me OFF even when I DID want to work it on out. For real it kind of left my vajayjay. . . not numb, or totally off. . . but I guess with just a limited range of feeling that in NO way could lead to orgasm. So for 6 weeks until I threw my ass at the mercy of the doctor I went without ANY orgasms. Oh my GAWD it was frustrating!!
So back to the doctor I went and she chucked TWO bottles of pills at me, told me to mix them, and asked me to report back if I could O. I still couldn't O. LAAAAMMMEEEE. But I DID feel better in my head and it was sort of a hard decision to go off of them again so that I co
uld have sex with my partner. Luckily though, at the same time as the last set of pills were ending up I had gained enough confidence and heart (truthfully from the help of the pills) to start exercise. I was 100 lbs overweight at the time and the start was painful and hard to keep going but I was determined like never before. I was doing some really fun exercise and my girlfriend was doing it with me and the last of the happy pills got me through the start of the dreaded first 2 weeks of exercise.After I was DONE with THOSE pills my doctor wrote me a prescription for some others but I never got around to filling them, I was just so frustrated ya know? What I didn't realize at the time though was that the exercise that I continued to do even after the pills was keeping my serotonin (that lovely chemical my asshole brain fails to make enough of) AFLOAT!! At the time I was so happy to be losing weight (20 lbs dropped of quick!) and feeling better about myself in general that I didn't even realize that even without the pills I was back to being HAPPY and OK and alright with the world. Why yes I AM rather dense.
The more I exercised the more I lost weight and GAINED confidence and a better view of the situation (the monster) I was living with. I eventually left him and swore to myself that I would never put myself in a place like that again. I would no longer be taking shit ANY KIND OF SHIT from any man.
I moved out, got my own place and started jogging and then running. I of course kept losing weight and I honestly attributed my elevated mood to that and the fact that I was no longer living with the guy - that would lift anyones mood ya know?
But then I got super busy with work and family and my exercise routine was thrown to the side. It didn't take but maybe a week and a half and I was already falling down-in-the-dumps again. I lost my sex drive again and I was right back into depression land, but this time I had no REASON for it. It sucked!! Thank God above though, I remembered reading over and over in magazines and books that exercise is supposedly able to lift the drag of light depression. I had one of those light bulb moments in life and thought back to all of my off and on times with exercise and the correlating moods and holy-shit-sherlock there was a pattern.
SO. From then on I never went back to the pills and totally relied on exercise. AND. IT. WORKS. For me - I'm not saying that this can work for everyone or that I'm against pills - I'm just telling you that for SOME people it does work. Since then I've had my ups and downs, every time I lose track of exercise I'll be down in the dumps in about a week and thinking to myself "Why do I feel so LAME? Why do I not want to have SEX???? What the shit???" And then my brain kicks me in the ASS and reminds me that DUH asshole you've been LAZY. And then I kick myself for going too long without some exercise even though I KNOW what will happen to me. And then I start working out again and all is right with the world. (and I get Horny again!! YAY)It takes every other day of exercise or all week and the weekends off or some sort of combination of that, just not going more than 4 days off for me to keep my mood elevated (and my pants off ;) .) I'm still losing weight so it's important to keep going and I hardly even think about the mood aspect of my jogging. But it's there and it's HUGE and it's changed my life. I hope that when I reach my goal weight I won't go lazy and want to slack off because I'm hot. The doctor told me that the pills I took would be a lifetime deal and the exercise is as well.
Whenever I slack off on exercise I lose my Sex drive - it's usually the first KICK to my duuhhhhh brian that reminds me to get back to running. And whenever I get back on the wagon I bring my Lady Flower with me. I owe my Vagina's happy orgasmic life to exercise, for without it she would be dormant. And THEN where the hell would I be? What would I do without the urge to use my beloved toys and my MAN and where would I be if I couldn't come here and obsess over all things SEX?? Thank You exercise - your a real bitch sometimes, but thank you.
15 comments:
i wanted to write something inspiring but i forgot. but you do have a point about exercise & depression and how it effects your sex drive. when you exercise you feel better therefore more confidant and threrefore let the sex begin. how did you become so smart? alright gotta go before i write something all mushy and i start to tear up. love ya! oh i had fun at the gym with you yesterday, we'll have to go again soon.
HOR, Ok, you don't mind me calling you that right? Cause it feels a little weird calling someone beside my husband a HOR. Anyways, HOR, congrats on the weight loss and on what seems like a life altering epiphany on your part.
I read in your profile that you like Jennifer Crusie. Me too! I go to Amazon to get referrals on "if you like this, you would like this" do you know what I mean? Ok, they referred me to an author named Susan Dononvan...there is a relavent point to this and I am getting there. Anyways, she wrote this novel called He Loves Lucy that is about this lady who loses 100 pounds by diet and excersise. She is a mess inside before it all started and although it was fictional, that book really inspires me.
You are inspiring me now too. I have a bit of extra poundage, although I like to call mine baby weight, even though my youngest is almost 3 and that should be no excuse.
Jaybird - I had like the best time EVER yesterday! I wish we could do that all the time. I really loved walking in circles and talking shit with you :)
Nicole - :) OOOooooo I am so going to buy that BOOK!!! EEEE!!! I love books like that! :) Have you read all the Jennifer Cruise books? There's one that I LOVE but can't remember the title, but it's the one where a CURVY gal finds a guy that loves her just the way she is and like feeds her donuts or something. Ok crappy description - I think it had shoes on the cover? Aw hell.
Anyways, if you'd like some more inspiration I'd love to see you over at Talk Story where I started a thread about diet and exercise and stuff like that. (there's also a lot of other fun stuff to do there too :) Go to the "TALK SPORTS" main thread and then choose your topic from there. I've started keeping a running update in the "Checkin In" thread of my day to day goings on with diet and exercise. I'd love to see you there, I could use some inspiration myself from time to time :)
Oh yeah, I have read most of her books. I think the one you are talking about it Bet Me. Is it the one where when they finally get into bed in the last chapter, every frickin character from the book shows up? Cause I loved that scene. I just love her writing though. I love that her characters are far from perfect. My all time favorite of her books though was Welcome To Temptation. I swear that scene where he throws the lamp up against the wall to get her sister to walk in on them just cracks me up!! I haven't done it in a while, but I used to review all the books that I read on my blog. I have them tagged though if you ever want to check them out.
I will check out the link that you suggested. Someone needs to tell me how to do that, I mean, put a link in a comment.
Nicole - I'd love to check out your book reviews!!
And damn it I've just tried to type how to do the HTML tag for a website for 20 minutes but it won't let me do it WITHOUT turning it into a link. Like no matter what I do. UGH!! So I'm sorry, I guess just Google it, I'm retarded.
Hey, HOR, am I to understand from the photo you posted that your first chosen exercise was Dance Dance Revolution? I just ask cuz I've been nagging the Big Guy for 2 weeks to get me to Best Buy to get the software & a mat so I could give it a try. I'm really picky about exercise, but I REALLY need some. I get bored too easily, it's got to challenge me mentally as well as physically, so I give up on most things after about a week. I studied karate for about 3 years, but I had to give it up because of back problems. So, was DDR where you started?
Hmmm....seems the most effective exercise for me IS sex. I lost 10 lbs during Christmas break, and that's with eating at a particular restaurant all the time.
Of course, I drink a glass of water and it's all back....so, I didn't do something right....
So, if exercise increases your sex drive, I'll just want more and more of it and be super skinny in no time :o) Right?? ;o)
Hor, you inspired me to return to the gym with this post. Oh shit, I hate the gym, I got so burned out on it, but it's time for me to go back, on a regular basis. Honestly, when I was going regually, I felt better, had sex more, and was a lot thinner.
What were the pills the doc prescribed? If you have any extra please send them to me. Years ago I took phen-phen (phentermine and phenflourmine) for about 5 months and lost 40 pounds. I lost another 40 without any pills because I felt so great and loved going to the gym. Kept it all off for 7 years, and it's been creeping back on. Oh, if I could only get my hands on some phentermine, I could jump start my dieting. I did lose 30 lbs over the summer, but the momentum has worn off, it's cold out and there's been a lot of chocolate around. Ugh. I get lazy and turn into a slug.
Congrats on your weight loss. Have you gone clothes shopping yet? Are you at your goal weight now?
Upstate - YES!!!!! I LOVE DDR!!! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!! Like for real for real for real! It is so damn fun - and if you're like me and are a tad competitive or like a challenge then this is SO the exercise for you. Because of the fun and the URGE to do good in the game and WIN I forget all about the exercise aspect. OOoo! Make sure you definetly get at least TWO mats to play on. That way you can play with your hubby or a gal-friend or kids. It's really a lot of fun to do it with another person, more competition and you can laugh at each other and urge one another to play more. My BFF Jaybird and I used to play for like 2 hours at a time a couple times for like 4 hours because we were just having a blast. That's a lot of exercise! One thing though, when you FIRST do it, even on the easiest level, you'll probably be thinking oh shit this is hard! But give your brain and feet a few sessions to get into it and I SWEAR you'll have it down. My 54 yr old mom who has NEVER played a video game started doing it with me and it took her a tad but after a few weeks she was kicking ASS! It was so cool. I really hope you get it and enjoy yourself! Come back and ask ANY questions if you do :)
Blogget - It DOES burn calories ;) And hell it's definetly worth trying :P
Rosa - The pills I was on were antidepressents, Zoloft, Celexa and Wellbutrin. They have nothing to do with weight loss but DID lift my depression enough to get of the couch and get moving again. I hope you do sign up for the gym, you know it'll make you feel better :) Maybe if you vary your exercises Treadmill once, then an eliptical trainer then a stationary bike and add in some lifting weight sometimes, you won't get bored as easily. :)
If you're looking for inspiration I'd love to see you at Talk Story in the "Talk Sports" section where I'm keeping a running diary and tips and other stuff on weight loss. There were some other women doing it but the seemed to have dropped out over the holidays - So I'd love to have another gal to get inspired with. Check it out if you like :)
HOR! You got sense, girl.
I get that, absolutely do. Not sure if my brain's fucked or not, psychiatrists say I'm depressive and I say I'm sensitive. But yeah, whenever I'm singing, exercising and generally in good shape, I end up feeling a LOT better about myself. So when I'm feeling down these days, I have some hot chocolate, wait for that to perk me up, and then go for a long walk.
And of course if I'm depressed sex drive goes for a toss and gets completely repressed and sometimes the key to making myself feel better is to sit down and spend some time with myself doing ... whatever, even if it's jilling off, as you put it :D.
Love the post!
I think I'll have to do my post on depression, medicine and holistic therapy soon at this rate. I know I'll sound all didactic, but whaddafuck. Just letting you know I'm dealing with it just the same as the rest of us are.
Suki - :) Thanks for letting me know what's going on with you, and HEY!! I love the idea of having some hot chocolate before going out for a walk - what a great little pick-me-up! :)
Good luck to you keeping up and up and DO THAT POST!! You never know who you might reach :)
Hey, great post! Exercise is brilliant indeed. Congrats on losing the weight and sorting stuff out - go hor!
Thank You Sparx :)
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