Exercise that TWAT!!

There's a new wave of Kegel exercisers (VAGINA TONERS) out on the market, it seems that now days us gals want machines and devices contraptions to work out our lady flowers and plain ole kegels just won't do. I guess it's the same as everything else, why jog in a park or do push ups and sit-ups when you can run like hell on a treadmill, hop off and choose from ten different sit-up or push-up machines? (I'm not knockin it I go to the gym too)

Or hell, why work out at all when you can just stay home and Sit and Spin?? (omgomgomg I've actually tried one of those at a friends house and it IS as retarded as it looks hahahahahahahaha but hey, to each their own and what not) Or shit why move at ALL when you can get on of those deal-e-o's that electrocutes you - wait, no, I mean STIMULATES your muscles, right, riiiiggghhhhttt. How bought those things come with some stimulation for the peoples BRAIN that thinks to buy them, maybe a couple of volts to get things moving and clear out the cobwebs. LOL, not that I guess that's really necessary since I've seen an idiot buy and try one out before and after the first time that thing Zapped the SHIT out of her she sort of got the idea that it wasn't going to be useful.

Anyways, anyways, geezzzz I digress. ON to the twat-squat. Check these bitches out. The first one I think has been around for a while and what you're supposed to do is insert the big end ball and try to hold the bitch in (while standing duh.) As your lady gets stronger you're supposed to switch to the smaller end and try to hold THAT in place. And THEN when you're vagina is to the point where she can crush a coke can you're supposed to instert the wand further and train to hold it by just the skinny stick part and not use the ball for help. (I wonder if I got this and told C. what it is if he'd believe me and then I could just use it as a dildo? Like maybe it wouldn't freak him out??? *writing note* kay.)

The NEW toys look a lot more fun and these bitches I might consider trying out. Check out this one. You put the big end in the twizzle and squeeze with the point being to bring the two ends together. (it even has adjustable tension!) OH MY GAWD - HOW cool would this be at a dinner party? Talk about entertainment! "Time to serve the salad darling, would you mind getting the "tongs?" "Everyone gather round, let me serve your spring greens with my vagina tongs"

This last one? I honestly don't know what the fuck you're supposed to do with it. It looks to me like a flat iron for hair in the shape of a dildo. Maybe it's a two in one and you can exercise the taco and then heat it up and iron out those curlies. Hell if I know but the bitch looks like it would PINCH somehow and I'm really not feelin that. Plus with all of the misshaps and self mutilation by burning I've had with flat irons over the years it would scare me just to look at it. Although it you DID get the hang of it it might be a cool thing if say you were a hair stylist that got your arms cut off. "Hey, no worries, I'll have that hair flat as a rail in just a second, if you could just jam this dildo iron up my schwagg . . . " Well ya never know.

Anyhoo, I like the tongs, that's my fav. pic. Somebody send me one and I'll get right on a review! But I still think I'd pee with my mom, she really cracks me up.