More Blow Job Gettin Tips!

All right guys, let's talk etiquette. I'm sorry, manners.
The thing that first comes to my mind - and apparently other gals around here - is that if you want to put your hands in our hair, or feel our heads while we're down there that's fine. BUT! Gall DAMN IT do not go PUSHING our head down and crammin our face on your dick. I understand that you might want some more active blowing, or for us to go further down but SHIT FIRE!- pushing our head down is NOT the fucking way to get it done! It. Pisses. Me. OFF. And turns me off. And that is bad.

If you need something MORE going on just tell us. "Oh baby Mmmmmm that feels so good, oh baby, use your hands, oh yeahhhh baby thank you , oh that feels so good." Or "Ohhh darlin that's feelin so good, oh take me all the way, oh yeah ......" You can come up with your own dirty-talk but polite and encouraging at the same time spiel. But for real, PRAISE us for what we're already doing and THEN ask for what you need.

I respect asking for what you need and DAMN it I appreciate it!! That's another thing, make it clear to us what feels good for you and what doesn't because FUCK I hate scrambling around down there trying to figure out what makes you tick. TELL US! Next time she's in a chatty mood, bring up oral and first ask HER what she likes. Listen to her and for gods sake remember to implement those requests next time your down there.

After she tells you what she likes I'm betting she'll ask you the same. Girls are cool like that. And if she doesn't, well, figure out a way to get your turn in talking. And like I said before don't you DARE start out with "Babe I really hate the way you......" and stuff like that. OH hell that's gonna piss us off and you might end up like BLOGGETS ex who went with out a bj for 5 years. No good. Start off by telling her how good she makes you feel, mention the great things she DOES do and then say "I'd really enjoy it if you would...." And hey if the girl IS doing something terrible like biting or teeth or sucking you like a malt then hey, it's ok to say that certain things hurt you. Be gentle and say they HURT. Don't say you hate it, or it sucks or pisses you off, just say it hurts. She'll react way more to the fact that she's possibly causing you pain than to you saying she does a lame job.

Now. To cum or not to cum and WHERE to cum. You guys that's up to you and your lady but honestly you really need to listen or pay attention to her signals when it comes to this area. It can be a real deal breaker if you want to come on her face and it makes her feel like a dirty porn hor and that you don't respect her. If she's IN to that sort of thing then fire away but if she's not, oh MAN you guys I can't stress nearly enough the need for you to LET. IT. BE.

I had an ex that was always trying to get it on me in places that I didn't appreciate and it truly made me feel disrespected and used. He never listened to me when I told him I didn't like it (and I made it damn clear) and it eventually just turned me off to the whole thing. And HIM for that matter. Bastard.

I understand also that when we get you ready to cum that you really might not want the feeling of her mouth to stop until after you've cum, I get that, but if she's not comfortable with it, guys you've got to just let her be and let her finish you off with her hands. If you insist on cumming in her mouth it's gonna make her feel all sorts of bad feelings about YOU and BLOWING. Be sensitive to what she feels ok with and respect her wishes.

Now that I'm with a guy that DOES respect me and listen? HA! This boy gets more and I go FURTHER than ever before. I go further for him because he makes me feel good about myself and respected and appreciated and it makes me want to do everything I possibly can to make him feel as good as he makes ME feel.

How to Get More Blowjobs! Tips for men.

Guys I'll tell ya, before my current man I was only O. . K. . with giving blow jobs. It wasn't something I really cared to do much or ever thought of in the middle of the day at work to rush home and surprise my beloved with a good ole horn blowin. I gave them out every once in a while because I liked the reciprocation and I know it makes yall so damn happy but I was never HAPPY to do it. And the key gentlemen, the absolute KEY is to give your woman an environment to be HAPPY to do them.

Now days I'm happy to give a good lollypop work out TONS more than I was in the past and I figure there has to be a reason for it. SO! In the name of science and the pleasure of men everywhere I'm gonna try and figure out WHY.

I think it all began when I got it in my head to use blow-jobs as positive reinforcement for good behavior. I read a book about how men are like dogs (in a good way) and that they too respond much more to positive rather than negative reinforcement. So instead of nagging for bad stuff I made a conscious effort to reward my man when he did something nice or something with out asking or just.... hell, something. So, Tip #1 Men buy your woman the book "How to Make Your Man Behave in 21 Days or Less Using the Secrets of Professional Dog Trainers" (on Amazon.com and it's pretty SHORT!! Win-Win) And READ it WITH her. And, AND very importantly, when you get to the positive reinforcement section of the book slip in somehow (I don't know how, this parts your deal) but somehow let her know that a great positive reinforcement for you would be a b.j. I came up with the idea all on my own but I sort of wouldn't expect all chicks to be like that. AND you guys, the fact that you're reading a relationship book with your chick will SO! - be a mushy-love-turn on for her.

Another difference between my past and present that has led to a wild influx of knob slobbing is a mutual (for the first time in my life a MUTUAL) need for us to want to please one another. HE actually does nice things for me just to be nice, just to be sweet and make me happy and HO boy it's so great that I never want it to stop. SO....... I reciprocate! Give and take guys, and lucky for you I think chicks are a lot of times hard-wired to be good givers, and all you have to do to cache in on some taking is to give. And DAMN IT give with out expecting to receive!! --#2-- That is HUGE! Geez guys if you could at least pretend to not expect to receive right away for something you've done, and just let us enjoy our moment, we will honestly notice and appreciate it. If we think that you've done something wonderful (and I don't mean wonderful as in something HUGE, for gods sake buy a $1 gas station rose and tell her you were thinking about her) and show that you're not immediately expecting us to drop trou, it will make our hearts a pitter patter. And for ME? When the heart goes a pitter patter, later the tongue goes a wiggle waggle.

#3 This might be a difficult one for you guys but it also made a big difference in my frequency of blow-giving. Time. I used to hate giving bj's in the past because the guys would take FOR-EV-VER and my jaw would ache. Ah fuck ache it would HURT! Really guys even a hor with good working mouth muscles can get sore pretty quick and that ruins your chances for a quick turn-over in frequency. I understand that sometimes it's nice to really lean back and relax and enjoy and languish in the experience but it might do you good to keep those super-long sessions to a minimum. Also I understand that for some men it takes a lot longer for you to get-off with a blow job, that's understandable and there's nothing wrong with you but perhaps instead of letting her go on and on and on you could cut it short more often and move on to another activity. If she's not into sex at that moment you might even suggest some lube and a good ole fashioned girl-jackin. And hey you guys if she's jackin you, you might want to consider jackin her back seeming how you've got to have at least one free hand ;)

OK! That's enough for today, I'll post installment #2 tomorrow where we'll cover instruction, etiquette, and some other stuff that I have yet to pull out of my ass.

Horin Politics

There are SO - DANG - FREAKIN - MANY candidates running to plow over the mess that is Bush that it just freaks me out. Okay actually I really don't know all the facts about Bush or how much of a mess he really is but I know the majority of people think he's a big ole screw up. Don't we ALWAYS think that at the end of a term though? I mean really?

Anyways since I am pretty much politically blind - BUT - I do have strong opinions AND I want to be a voter I figured I should do some research. RIIIIGGGHHHHTTTT, wow there's just too much shit out there for me to deal with so I needed a simpler way!

A trip to YAHOO! and thank-you-very-much I found my tool! I found two "Candidate Match-up" Quizzes and took them both. The one HERE and the one at USAtoday both gave me the same results. The one at USA gives a lot of facts about where each of the candidates stand and I actually honestly learned some stuff about everybody. Do I remember any of it? Well no, but it's all there if I WANT to.

So who does a hor vote for? Apparently my person is Dennis Kucinich. Who the hell is Dennis Kucinich? Heck if I know but he was a HUGE match-up for me on both sites. Unfortunately I've never heard of him so obviously he won't have a real chance and guessing by my rather liberal views I'm betting he's a tad batty. Or just super cool as hell.

Ah well Dennis, have fun watching Hiliary and McCain and God help us all.

Man Costumes For the Bedroom - I prefer him with a towel.

I've went on and on plenty about how I like to dress up for sex play but I need to cover the other end. Man dress-up.

I've only had a few experiences with it and well? Gee I don't know. I know they've debunked that whole myth about how men are WAY-SUPER-EXTRA-MORE visual than chicks. Google it, I'm too lazy to link it, but the latest study states something about how guys stare at the FACES of nekkid women longer then women do of men. In fact us chikis ended up staring at the man goodies longer than the dudes looked at ours. Man poles are fun to look at what can I say? Ok or maybe they look weird and you just want to stare a while cuz they all look a little different and you just want to stare a bit. But I'm still not sure if costumes are the visual pleasure I seek.

I requested that my EX dress up like a fire-man for me one time and the idiot went to his uncle (a volunteer fire fighter) and actually BORROWED his stuff. AHHHHHH oh my GAWD how embarrassing. He TOLD his uncle and his uncle told the entire family. Plus ew it was all sooty and dirty and had had ANOTHER mans junk lolling around in it before. Gahh talk about a crappy night. He wasn't the brightest bulb in the pack.

The next time I got the itch to dress him up I bought the costume myself. I got a great handy-man tool belt and requested that it be the only thing he wear. He didn't like it and wouldn't wear it. Laaaaammmeee. I ended up keeping it and using it quite often (it's a really nice one dang it) although every time I see it I remember how horrid we were together. Ah well it's neat and has a cool hammer holder and a place for nails and stuff.

C. and I got mexican-wrestler masks to wear (he likes wrestling and I'm claiming he as a dead spot in his brain and can't help it) but they made our faces sweat and we both felt kind of ridiculous. They DO look really phreaky hanging on our bedroom wall and I think it makes us at least FEEL cool.

But really? I just don't think a man dressing up (unless it's a tux!) does it for me. I wonder about other chicks, maybe I'm just going about it wrong. But for now? The most sexy thing I can think of is a freshly showered taquito coming out of the bathroom with just a towel on. MMmmmmm oh my god and to have it slung a bit low? Well I just got the shivers.

Krissie Wins A PRIZE!!!!

Krissie (in my link list, she's private but she has a good reason and all you have to do is ask and she'll probably let you in) also a moderator with Talk Story (the newest hip and cool talk board to come out!) was my 10,000th visitor! Not page view or anything cheater like that but Visitor. I mentioned a bit back that I was gonna have like a contest and give out a prize and all sorts of fun stuff but, well, I forgot. Well, no, I didn't forget I just didn't realize it was gonna come up so quick.


But dang it true to my word as a hor there IS a prize! I am sending Krissie a C.D. with 700+ pictures of Wentworth Miller (like her most favorite sexy man ev-er!)
Kris here's a couple of examples -








Good deal? At first I was going to send a poster but then I ran across this and figured you can put it on rotate on your computer and see a new Wet-Man like all the time. PLUS it's a c.d. so your fan club can burn it and have lots of copies to get wet all over. AND if you really have no shame you can go to a printing or office store and have them print out certain photos and make em into posters of your own. If you have shame just say you're doing it for your sister as a B-day gift.

If I wasn't cheap I'd send you a vibrator along with the C.D. but well, I AM cheap and besides, vibrators are kinda personal and you don't want to be thinking about ME every time you take it out if it's box. Geww. Plus I don't know what style you'd want. Some gals, AHEH HEEH HEEEMMM like the big ole honkin kind with bells and whistles and beads and rotation and vibration and thrust and uhhhh ok I'm gonna stop now before I leave work and get my toy.

If you ever need it I can give you a couple of reputable web-sites that sell toys - them bitches are SPENSIVE so don't buy em from anybody.

Okeedoke! I'll be back today or tomorrow with a new post, all this toy-talk is got me thinkin bout sex so I've got a good idea what I'll be talking about.

CONGRATS KRIS!!! PM me with your address (or an address you feel safe to give me) at Talk Story and we'll get this ball a rollin.

Mexican Driving Stereotype

I'm not sure about you all from different places but around here we've got a stereotype about Mexicans and their driving skillz. Basically the lore goes that if you see someone in the fast lane going 55 or on a back road going 30 it's expected to be a Mexican (or brown skinned mustached person from some country south of us that we lump all together as Mexicans.) I didn't make this up people so don't shoot the messenger, and besides I consider myself exempt from being racist cuz I'm half hitched to a mustache card carrier. So there.

I heard out in CA that that stereotype is pasted on "inese" people, you know like Chinese, Vietnamese, ect. But anyways HERE it goes to the folks from the south.
But you guys? After this weekend and a certain road trip I sort of think that the Latinos KNOW about this stereotype and I think they BELIEVE it. I don't know if they believe it because it's TRUE or because they know about the stereotype and've been convinced, but I've gotta tell ya these folks are covering their bases JUST. IN. CASE.

I was in a vehicle with a family of Mexicans this weekend and couldn't help but notice their interesting interior decorations. Holy Crap. They had TWO pictures of Jesus TAPED to the ceiling of the SUV (suv's are SO the new van) on either side of the driver. Added to that is a picture of the current Pope (sorry J. Paul you've been booted!) also TAPED, up on the ceiling under one of the Jesus pictures.

Add to this 3, yes THREE different beaded cross chains hanging from the rear view mirror, not to be out done by a laminate, green fringed picture of Jesus with a "Prayer for the driver" written on the back.

Add to this a key chain on their key-ring with a picture of the guy they deem as the patron saint to protect drivers AND - OMG ANNNDDD an OPEN bible resting on the dash. Not just a bible but an OPEN bible. Oh man you guys I SO wanted to take a picture of what ever page it was on and translate it but I didn't get the chance. And no, they didn't just come from church, the bible stays.

Here is an artists rendition of the situation to give you a better idea.
I er, the "artist" sort of had a tough time with drawing people so you've been provided with a handy J or P to help you get the full effect of Jesus and the Pope.

On to the real question - Did they live up to the myth?? Well. Actually the guy was a really careful driver. We didn't manage over 49 on back roads or over 59 on the expressway. Yeah, 59 on the expressway kind of makes me want to start chewing on my fingers and banging my head against the seat in front of me but hey at least he was in the slow lane. Granted neither of the front passengers wore a SEAT BELT for shit's sake and DDDAAAMMMNNNNN IIITTT they seemed oblivious to the "ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding," of the warning bell that WOULDN'T GIVE UP in warning them that they were in fact not wearing their seat belts. "Ding DIng DINg DING DDIINNGG!!!!" I considered screaming "FOR JESUS SAKE PUT ON YOUR DAMN BELTS!!!!" at one point but sort of figured it wouldn't go over too well. If you hadn't guessed I've got sort of a weird FREAK out reaction to anything that goes ding ding ding more than twice.

For shit's sake when he got out to get gas the guy left his door ajar and it dinged for a full 5 minutes. While everyone else was apparently oblivious and decided to continued conversation I partook in SERIOUS fantasies of flying over the front seats, grabbing the keys and eating them. Instead I sat, slowly imploding, wishing for an aneurysm to take me out of my misery and remained in place.

Maybe they didn't think they needed seat belts with all of the divine intervention that was clearly planned in case of an accident but gauging by the fact that they had 7 yes SEVEN various rock chips out of the windshield, I'm not thinking that bible is doing them much good.

All in all it was a good trip, accident free - YAY - and we got to end the day with homemade tortillas so o.k., it's all good. I DO wonder about all of their paraphernalia but thankfully for my grey matter I can easily fall back on the safety in which I was brought up - to each his own, and respect differences. Seat belts? That's a different story but I made sure that C. and I were strapped in, Pope or no Pope I'm not all about going through a windshield. Granted we were only going fast enough to probably be thrown only HALF way through the windshield but whatever.

Exploring Feet and Sex - Toe Sucking and Electric Foot to Foot Contact While Masurbating.

Yeah I said it. Feet and Sex. Actually if you think about it they CAN be closely linked - like say a woman has had one hell of a day and her man takes it upon himself to take her legs up on his lap and give 'er a good ole foot rubbin (no strings attached.) I don't know about other chicks, but for me when a man does something nice like that without expecting or suggesting anything further, it's actually a big ole turn on. It's when they do it and then expect some "repayment" or compensation or well let's just say it - putting out, blow job - that I get turned off.
But man O man if I come home and he's mopped and cooked (and cleaned up after himself after cooking) and is just waiting for me with plate and a hug - the last thing on my mind is eating ;)

Oh well crap that got off subject.
I've only once been with a guy who had a foot (toe) THING when it came to sex. God I can STILL remember - like it's been BURNED into my brain. The first time me kissed me from my mouth on down to my feet (midway down me thinking "Hey! Where you going? You've gone WAY past the mark!! Hey! Where IS he going??? OH shit.) I remember the guy picking up my foot and thinking I could give him better things to do than a foot rub at that point, but them him telling me to "just relax, and watch this." EEEEEEEEE!!!! He took my big TOE up to his mouth and PUT. IT. IN!! GAAHHHH I was part horrified for HIM and part for myself thinking Eeewww this is gonna feel nasty!

Honestly? It really wasn't that bad and I might have even kind of liked it if I could have got past the horror of the situation. I'm sorry but I don't even like touching clean-just-showered feet, I just keep imagining that they've got gross sweat and stuff ground in over time and a showers not gonna get it out. So no, there was no toe-mouth-reciprocation on my part but I DID sort of like what he did to me - as horrifying as my brain was telling me it was.

The thing that makes me wonder about how I got through that (and kind of GASP liked it) is that I've always had a bit of a weird thing with my feet and masturbating. Here me out, it's not as nasty as it sounds.

Since I very first started Jilling off way back before I can even recall how old I was, I remember that if I place my bare feet together - bottom to bottom like you'd put your two palms together - that it for some strange reason INTENSIFIES the feelings I'm having in my body. Honest to goodness when I put them together it's like an electric current flows between my feet and AMPs things up in a big way. I've never really understood it and till now I've never told a soul on earth. It's like with my feet separated, my electricity is grounded, but when I touch them together I get to keep it all inside.

Ok wow KU-KOO I know, I'm so not that hippie or holistic or what-have-you but this really does happen to me and I'm trying to explain it as best I can.

Anyways, I'm not expecting much but if there's anybody else out there that this happens to I'd love to know that I'm not just a freak of nature. And hell gals (and maybe guys?) if you've never tried it maybe next time you jack or jill off go ahead and give 'er a whirl and see what happens. Ya never know!

I'M BACK!! YAYYYYYY!!! And I said the "F" word in bed. OOPS!!

Ok. FINALLY, here we go.

Confession: (yes there really IS more) I’m not the best at talking dirty in bed. GAAASSSPPP I know, but WAIT!! I think I COULD be – lord knows (sorry lord ) that I’ve got plenty of dirty thoughts rolling around in my head – but I’ve never been with a man who really encouraged or participated in dirty talk himself.

Well, there was that ONE guy when I was 20 (and he was 30 Jay-bird what the HELL was I thinking???) who at least managed to bring me out of my shell a bit vocally but I didn't stay with him long enough to really hone the art.

AN-Y-WAYS I love my C. like crazy insane and I trust him and feel comfortable and all that lovely jive but…. Well.. . . . oh crap.
When we first met he was SUCH a gentlemen and SO polite and sweet and all that stuff that I stayed in sweet-nice-kinda-sorta-pretending-to-be-a-lot-more-innocent-lady like-and stuff than I really am – mode. So sue me but come on who ISN’T on their best behavior in the beginning?

It’s been over a year for us and a LOT has come out of my little closet that he’s never seemed to have much of a problem with. SO maybe I doo swear now and again (and again) and maybe I DID turn out to have quite a lot of tricks up my sleeve in bed “Who ME?? *eyelash batting*??” ;) I think he was a bit surprised by the whole I’m DIR-TAYYYY thang but he IS a man was he REALLY going to complain? In fact we kind of just skimmed over that subject where he basically told me he loves me for who I am and doesn’t care what I did in my past and pretty much let on that if I ever WANTED to elaborate that he would jus run away, hands over ears singing LA LA LA. I wouldn’t ever WANT to do so, so we’re pretty set there.

I slowly integrated my super-sillzz into ye ole bedroom antics over time but I’m really STUCK when it comes to dirty talk. HE isn’t huge into it, not silent but well… never mind. Ahem.
I’ve basically taken my cues from him in this area and haven’t went ALL OUT like I sort of fantasize about doing sometimes. I think he’d be fine if I started off slow and worked my way into this whole thing but I don’t know WHERE to start.

Every time something dirty or raunchy pops in my head I can’t seem to get. It. OUT. I have a verbal block in my brain that screams “NO! He won’t think you’re a Good Girl anymore!!!”
I consciously honestly doubt he’d run screaming never to come back if I busted it out on him but somewhere in the back of my head I’ve got this little NAG telling me that I’ve waited too long in the relationship an it’s gonna make him wonder MORE about my past. I know, I’m insane.
And I KNOW he has to except me for who I am and all that and love me blah blah blah but TELL that to the retarded voice in the back of my head.

Moving on.
The other night? When I When I was REALLY getting into “it?” I sort of lost my mind and blurted out something along the lines of “Keep fucking me” or “Don’t stop fucking me” or something like that I can’t really remember – it was the GOOD shit. I didn't even really MEAN to it just happened – WAY TO GO little miss “ease him into it slowly!” The F word? CRAP. Oh man.

We finished like RIGHT after I said it and I basically went into insane-giggle-mode and he ended u p laughing too and going so far as to mock up my voice and repeat what I said. Of course THAT led me to hide my head under a pillow ostrich style (not too effective btw) and pretended like I wasn’t there any more. He seemed pretty o.k. with it but wanted to know later if I did it on purpose or if it “just came out.”

The thing is tho, that he keeps bringing it up at odd times, i.e. during commercial breaks, where he’ll all of a sudden bust out with his little impression of me for no apparent reason.

There’s something going on about this whole thing in that head of his and he’s not yet worked up the guts to spit it out. I think we’re gonna have to have a sit-down and discuss this whole dirty talk thing so he can say his say and I can shut up the nagging voice in the back of my head.

Yeah.
A sit down about dirty talk. Being an adult is weird.

Is "TAINT" (chode) pleasure REAL or MYTH????

I'm really lost on this one, hor or no there are just some things that I don't understand and the "taint" or "chode" is one of those grey areas that I'm just not sure Cosmopolitan is telling me the truth on.

I don't know about you men out there but I'm betting any chick who's read "10 steamy secrets you HAVE to know!!!" in more than one chick mag has come across them trying to peddle to us the info about taint pleasure.

For anybody who doesn't know what the fiizzzuck I'm referring to, the taint is that patch or area of skin in between a mans balls and ass hole. Or on a chick the area between Vagina and ass hole. Now that I think about it I think it's "taint" for chicks and "chode" for guys?

So anyways in all the chick mags it tells us that it drives men "wild" to have their chode "tickled" or stroked or even pushed on during sex. How the HELL I'm supposed to get to it during sex I'm not sure, seeing that my arm isn't 5 feet long and he sort of doesn't have a giant HOLE in his midsection but what ever. A SMALL redeemer for them is that they mention I can also do this during oral. Well ok THAT'S at least anatomically possible - thank you. If a magazine is flouting "10 DIRTY secrets you HAVE to know" then it will tell us chicks to lick or flick the man chode with our tongue during oral.

I'm not gonna DO it but I'd almost call shenanigans on this and label it MYTH but I haven't slept with EVERY man on earth so I just don't know. But dang it I've never had any success with this chode fondling. In my experience with blow jobs a man stays pretty damn happy if you're focusing all available talents on the cock and balls. When I've STOPPED that attention and turned to the chode it pretty much just stalls things. I've not once had a "super orgasmic response" or driven a man "crazy" or "wild" with this sort of attention.

And on myself? Nada. Nothing. Just stay away from there dang it because if you're a pokin around there I think you're gonna be headin farther south any minute and that just freezes me up. Put those fingers back where they belong and stop reading my cosmo.

Hor goes a meetin'

I was so excited to go for 2 days to a company meeting.

I was so WRONG about being excited.

I was excited because THIS year I was going for 2 days instead of 1 AND I was going to have my own room! YAY lots of free food, no work and a room to myself to take a real bath and do facials and scrubs and peels and be nekkid and watch t.v.

RRRIIIIIIGGGHHHHHTTTT.

Oh my GOD have you ever been to a meeting in a hotel??? Yes I'm sure you have but did you experience the horrid ass smashing/numbing affects of hotel provided meeting chairs? My ass STILL hurts. No amount of free pop can make up for the fact that they made us sit and listen to people drone on and on and on from 8-5 with only 2 10 min breaks and a 45 min lunch. Those bastards!

I was SO happy when it came time for dinner the first night! I was FINALLY going to be able to eat my free food have a cocktail or two and retire to my room to take off a layer of skin. But no.

NO NO NO NO NO. My bosses like to drink. After dinner we went to the hotel bar to hang out for what I thought would be just a little bit but somewhere along the line a company card came out and drinks being free = nobody goin nowhere. When the hotel bar closed I thought OK!! I don't have to stay to look cool anymore and can run back to my facials! YAY!! But no. My OTHER boss showed up and decided we needed to take our sore asses and FIND A BAR!!

UH Oh. Have I ever mentioned that I'm not MUCH of a drinker? I try not to bring it up so I don't loose blog cred but here it is. I was DANDY after the long island I had at the restaurant and the 3 Smirnoff's that magically kept popping up in front of me in the hotel bar.

Yeah I could have said followed "Just Say No" and told my bosses to have a nice night but COME ON how often does this happen? Only a few times a year and dang it I can't resist trying to look like one of the kool kiz with my bosses. Or at least TRY and say something funny around them and not make a fool out of myself.

I was doing OK with my #4 Smirnoff until my #1 boss ordered long islands for the 3 of us. Wha??? Who? For ME? Crap. MMMMmmm but it tasted great! But then #1 boss ALSO decided we needed to do a shot. Shit.

Commence GIGGLE FACTOR X where a certain blogger has crossed the line into permagrin, talking about "dirty" stuff to co-workers (and my bosses but THEY started it!,) giggling uncontrollably and loosing all ability to make coherent sentences. #1 tried to get us all to drink MORE but while he was ok even after his 3 wisemen we were not.

I ended up in my room at 2:30 and set my alarm THAT DIDN'T GO OFF. Somehow I woke up with enough time to pack my things (including ohhhh all of my unused facial/body stuff!) that were scattered everywhere (how the hell did that happen??,) take a 3 minute shower (almost fell down 3 times because of dizziness,) realize how nice my bathtub really was, and get my ass down stairs and into the meeting. No free breakfast for this hor, I was lucky just not to be late.

I'm a jack ass and I need to have a visit with the D.A.R.E bear so he can give me a pamphlet and remind me how to "Just Say No."