Hello? Hi. It's me, it's yourself. How are you? Right, right, I know I'm sorry ok? Oh, ok ok calm down I didn't mean to be sarcastic, breathe, my bad, let's be peaceful. Let's be peaceful and discuss this ok?
Remember the good times? You know like last summer and fall when we were running a couple miles a day and eating real healthy? Waaaiitt wait wait, yes I know it kind of sucked. I know you hated me for making you sweat in 85% piss shit weather, I know I hated it to. But remember what happened ?? Remember how we lost 70 pounds? Wasn't that great? Come aawwwwnn remember buying those jeans that were so skinny you weren't even ashamed to hold them up in front of people at the ghetto wash to fold them correctly? You know instead of kind of trying to shield them from people seeing their massive width like before??
Well. Here's the thing. I've been a bastard. AAH! Ok yes I know, I know god you'd think you'd be a bit nicer about it at LEAST I'm admitting it ok? Gaarsh! Geez, calm down. Ok so you're pissed at me I get it. I decided to eat tater tots and chips and ice cream. And maybe some snack cakes. Ok a LOT of chips. I love chips.
And maybe I got hooked up with a Mexican that taught me how to cook like a real Mexican and Mexican just happens to be my favorite food. And this whole I can cook like we would get in the Mexi-raunt hasn't really worked out to well for us.
Let's access the damage. Yes. No more happy jeans, we've, ok I've gained us back like 15-18 or 19 lbs. Whoops? But HEY!! don't turn away! We've lost 3 of it again! 3. Ah shit, 3 that we've now paid the price for twice. Jesus it's like going to a store, buying something and then when you go and return it you have to pay for it again. I'm cheap and I HATE standing in that GOD be Damned walmart customer service line for like a fucking hour just to return some stupid ass shit that doesn't fucking work. REALLY hate that!
But listen, on Monday I spent an hour doing equations and working the math and figuring up potions and plans. And look! We've lost 3 lbs. 1 1/2 of which I'm sure is water weight so don't get too excited about that but hey it still looks good in the numbers right? Right? COOOME on, you know you feel better after exercising last night. What? Your sore? Oh silly, remember that in pretend land that sore=feel good? And in pretend land the fact that you feel like you're jesus christ starving even though you're getting plenty of calories for your weight and exercise level? (well I guess not Jesus cuz he would at least give us some SHIT FUCKING bread and fish.!!!)
Buy heeeey we can have fish right? See not so bad after all. Yes ok so I know 4 shitty ounces is kind of like NOTHING FUCKING AT all, but that's ok. Remember the skinny pants? Yes darling remember the skinny pants and try your best to stay in pretend land.
AND try your best to stay away from that spic when his ass is eating. My god that skinny bastard can down a half a cow, a bushel of fucking corn tortillas and a half gallon of coke!! All he has to do is smile shrug his shoulders and say 3 times, "I don't get it, I WISH I could gain weight." Sorry that magic spell only works for people like him. You know the Evil people. It's an Evil spell really, you know the whole "I have a great metabolism thing." Well buck up darling you're not evil at all. In fact you have NO shit-be-damned metabolism at all it seems. See? You like pure... and shit.
Ok!! So that's the game plan. Back on track!! You with me?!?!?! Hey!!! Fucker!? Come back here, HEY!!!! I was fucking talking to you. Well - at least I'm running. Ha. Bitch.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
11 comments:
You have a beautiful mind.
I'm so happy I don't live in it. ;)
See? If you ever need to feel better about yourself just come here. Free of charge and everything!!
lol, thanks. It's actually what I do already...
I'm not sure if that was a compliment but I'm gonna have to take it as one so I don't cry.
Lindygirl-We are of one mind again,darling. I too had this conversation with my traitorous body, and we've hit the treadmill hard as of late. Top hint: DO NOT weigh on the scale. Measure inches. It will keep you more motivated. ;o)
I'll join ya, but only after I grab some Tex-Mex tonight. Sorry.
Want to lose some weight? I have a food post that I just posted that might help you with that.
And, hor, you look great. I was sooooo happy to be able to chill with you on Tuesday. You look amazing. I would kill people for your skin. For realz, just let me know and I'll ditch Matt and we can hook up. Matt who? That's right.
I actually DO have a really high metabolism, but I don't bitch at people about it. Combine that with a height of 6'2", and you get something like a stick insect on a trampoline.
By the way, you just passed the 'shot coke out my nose' test. Do you mind if I link to you?
OH I love you all so much. Nobody commented before I left work yesterday and I was like "damn what a flop that one was."
But any-ways
Sassy- inches you're right and last night I even found my tape measure digging through some stuff. I was looking for my damn "Cher step aerobics" tape from like 1989. It's so funny to watch her in all of her Cher glory that it's fun to do. But HEY!! Cool so you do the mill? I LOVE treadmills. I'm trying to mix it up between DDR, running, and step areobics. We can do this shit. We can loose inches and be positive. (and bitch about it every g.d. step) Damn it.
Cruiser you hor and your beautiful tex-mex. I'll just have to settle for the Mex.
Travis, food post? I'm going right after this. My skin? AHAHAHAHA what's funny is that you got me on one of my like 4 days a month of mostly clear skin. And honest to God on the drive to see you I was all like "this is so kick ass my face isn't exploded!!" YAY!!
Maybe Matt and my Mex can hook up and we can run away together and eat bennigans dessert every day. God knows the spic is metro enough to pass.
And Alan???? OH OH my you crazy man of course you can link me. I would have done you already but I'm just kind of lazy like that. Is it proper etiquette to ask before we link? Cuz I've just sort of hauled off all helter skelter and linked to anybody that I like. I never thought that they might not want to be associated with me and to ask. Too bad, it's easier for me to get through everybody that way.
BTW stick insect on a trampoline? My bad but BWWAAAAHAHAHAHHAHAH. Too much.
That's cool with me. Between intestine stew and raw hamburger, I'm sure Matt and Mex wouldn't last more than a week.
And don't pretend like the perfect skin was a one-time thing. I've always been jealous of your porcelain (I almost typed porcine haha) skin.
Porcelain? AHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHHAHAHAAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHA
You mean exremely fucking PAAAAALE. And unable to tan. Burn. Only fucking burn.
Oh Ok so sometimes my freckles will come out of the pale for a bit.
You'd think I was a red-head.
You're a red right?? So you get the whole burn thing I imagine?
Porcelain. OH, I'm gonna be laughin all day.
Post a Comment