I, went-to-the-toy-store, I, went-to-the-toyyyyyyy-store!! (sex toys, what else?)
Damn it my Mexican is working too hard. Two jobs, he gets up at 5:20 a.m. and doesn't return home until 10p.m. Add in a shower and eating after he gets home and he's goll dern tuckered out. And I'm half asleep.
Sex? Where'd you GO??? Come back. I thought we were pals.
A girl like me can't go from everyday to weekends only. SOOOOOO there's always toys. I've got my old toys but I'm a wee bit wretched over the loss of my regular good stuff so I felt the need to get some shiny new pals.
Sassy recommended the Jack Rabbit. I've heard lots and lots about the Rabbit line and wanted to check it out for me-self. (sassys link is at the bottom of this post for your ease of transition after my blog)
I drove my ass 25 miles all happy and full of anticipation, all by myself. No prob. I'm pretty open and you know comfortable with sexuality so no biggie.
Usually???
When I got there the counter helper guy was new. And he was like MY age and gay. You'd think that we would have a great time but for some ass-crazy reason I freaked out and clammed up! I had a list that I had PLANNED on walking up to the first helper I saw and saying "I want this, this and this." But when he looked me in the eyes and said "Can I help you find anything?"
Swear to god I pursed my lips and did the fast no thankyou I'm a virgin head shake. "Are you sure?" Once again, lips pursed, silent, eyes-wide head shake yes.
I couldn't believe it!! What the hell happened to me? Anyways, after I gathered up a few new friends. (jackrabbit you're mine bitch, gracias sassy!) I wandered over to the lube section. Yay!! I got some crappy stuff from walmart and was geeked to get some good stuff from the toy store. Once again the guy walked up to me and asked if he could help me. By this point I talked myself back into being brave again and asked him for the best stuff they carry.
He said he didn't know but he could recommend some popular stuff. AND THEN he asked me "Is this for sexual intercourse? Or just for personal toy use? Or both?" And he asked me with a knowing glance to my new friends. My brain went into lock-down and I stammered out , "Uh, Ub *head shake* both?"
Damn it I could almost HEAR him think, yeah right dildo girl. I couldn't take anymore so I just came out and asked if they had my favorite. (astroglide, the fucking shit beyond anything) And YAAAYYY god they did. There, done, I thought I was safe.
But fuck no we weren't done yet. Oh for the love of vagina, at the check out he asked me if I would like him to put batteries in my new friends to make sure they work before I go. Fuck. I drove like 25 miles and I didn't want to have to make a return so I said ok. He got out my new friend the Jack Rabbit, put in the batteries and turned 'im on. Holy FUCK I did not know it did all that!! I just stared in awe as he took it through the paces. (Jesus dude you didn't have to leave it on for like a full minute, GAWD) And then he tried to hand it to me while it was still running.
Huh-uh. You'd think it was a viper, I backed up a step, threw my hands up and did the head shake thing again. Fuck! What the hell? Ok next. He got out the little guy, put in the batteries turned it on and tried to hand THAT to me!! Geez dude seems like you'd get the message by now. At least this time I managed a "That's ok, *head shake*."
Done? No. Apparently if you're a super perv like me and spend over 50$ you get a free 5$ gift card. He informed me of my fortune and asked if I would like it. Well duh!? Yes! give me my free money! I went through all that!? Give. Me. My. Dildo. Gift. Card.
http://sassyblondie.blogspot.com/
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
17 comments:
You are a pathetic excuse for a hor! LOL
But you amuse me endlessly!
I'm so ashamed. I feel so clean.
Lindygirl-First, thsnks for the nod. Let's be glad my dad is like, a complete computer tard. (He's the one that's called me Blondie forever) Second, I still can't go into those stores! Yes, I know, it's pathetic. In LA, there seems to be one on every corner, and I went into one, but it's sensory overload! LOL
You should email me about how your like your new rabbit though! lol No nasty details...I'm not into the lesbian love fantasy.
Sassy said: You should email me about how your like your new rabbit though! lol No nasty details...I'm not into the lesbian love fantasy.
Lies! Oh wait.. nm.. that was me.
Sorry for the accusations Sassy.
Aww Sassy, it's ok about not going in those stores. That's why they have online ordering.
Your dads a Tard? Oh. WHoops! Did I make a comment about it on your site? Ew. That would be bad.
E-mail? Hell I'll just post about it.
Sgt? You silly dirty boy.
Ak that just sounded wrong. My bad. LOOK!!! My hor powers are diminishing by the minute.
Sgt-Thanks for clearing that up! lol
Lindygirl-Yes, my poor Daddy can't work the computer...it's very sad. Send donations to help this individual to: http://sassyblondie.blogspot.com/
Every bit helps...
Hey dildo girl, when your posts stop coming (hee, I said coming) so regularly, we'll know if you like the rabbit or not.
I know nobody else that would both talk like this on the internet, AND post a picture of themselves.
Picture yourself walking down the street, maybe coming out of a cafe..
"Hey, isn't that the dildo girl?"
Just from someone walking by, you couldn't see who, but you could hear it nonetheless...
Nah Cruiser, I can multitask.
Alan? What's the big deal? Everybody gets off, either by their self or with someone. And most chicks have at least ONE toy.
AND I make sure and let it be known that my Mexican is very good at what he does, but he's just working a lot. I have a healthy sex drive, I'm not ashamed and I like to make jokes.
Dildo girl it is. :)
Put those toys to good use, Lindy! Use them now and use them a lot, 'cause once your man convinces you to have a baby, one of two things is going to happen. You're either a) gonna be too tired to pull out ol' Mr. Rabbit and play, or b) you're gonna wake the baby up with all that buzzing noise, and a screaming kid really does ruin the mood. Just a friendly warning for you ;)
Ah, I miss the days of having a full toy box to play with...
Babies? Akk *hisssssssss*
I'm calling it right now; I can't compete with this.
Maybe I'm too uptight or something, but when it comes to my sexual proclivities I clam up like a vagina in an Amish high school.
On a side note, where did you go?! 25 miles to a "toy store"? Was it in the big Kazoo? I've never been to Velvet Touch, so if that's the place you'll have to fill me in. I've been dying to go to a porn store since I turned 18 (omg that was six years ago!) but I only ever went into one. Oh oh! That'll be my next post.
Anyway, call me, hor. Let's get together and see a movie or something. And this time I'll drive to you :P
Crazy Lindy.. Please pop over to my blog, I have a surprise for you... Probably not as good as your rabbit, but I think it'll make you feel good!
Travis - The lions Den. Eww don't go to the velvet touch. It's icky and dingy and small and they have a prostitute.
Hey if you want to meet me here in the ghetto I'll drive us to the toy store! I didn't get to spend as much time as I would like and it's WAY more fun going with a friend. COME ON it'll be fun.
Amish Vagina? (gafaw) You don't seem like that to me? Or maybe you just feel more comfy with me cuz I'm a hor. N-E-ways. Come with me, I'll show you the way. (and the best lube ever) and you can practice your dirty talking and we can gab and share stories.
Jenny, a surprise??? Oooo I LOVE surprises. Like A LOT. NO for real surprises are like the best thing ever. I'm coming over right now.
Gift cards at the dildo shop? You are the luckiest girl ever!
SIGN MY ASS UP!
Well, not my ass. Not only my ass. What I mean is...
Never mind.
{slinks away}
F*%@ me Lindy, you just made me hiccup my toast into that soft bit at the back of the throat that makes you cough. You make me feel like SUCH a prude!!!!
Dangerdoll, hahahhaahha, AHEM. Yes. Well no, I mean. . . hell.
Wait, who am I? Ahhh yes.
I may not be shy but my ass is a diff. story. My ass is very shy and likes to keep to itself. ALLLLL by itself.
Sparx? You just said "Fuck Me" See? You're not a prude at all. :)
Post a Comment