I just don't know what it is about 'em but the damn things prefer to be in the spotlight. Maybe they're kinda vain. I guess if you think about it a lot of them ARE made to be pretty aesthetically pleasing. I've seen em with flowers and neon colors and embellished with every sort of cute little creature you could ever want to. . . well no. - Shit WHY DID they start making dildos into the "Rabbit," "Dolphin," "Butterfly," "Cheetah" and the like? 
Has anybody THOUGHT about this? Just what the HELL? I've kind of always wanted to SWIM with a dolphin and I've been known to eat a rabbit or two in my hillbilly life but never have I thought "Hey, I'd like a CHEETAH to give me a blow job. Yeah and then maybe I'll see if I can't talk a butterfly into fucking me." 
Tell you the truth I'm scared of butterflies. I don't give a flying squirrel shit if they have pretty wings people - they. are. a. BUG. Bugs creep me freak me out and I don't want em touchin me. NO I do NOT think it's cute to have a butterfly land on my arm or my hand because insects have one track minds -eat to reproduce- and I don't want no bug mistaking my sweet arm for nectar, (or if I'm exercising) a salt lick, so whatever - stay OFF.Right. Where were we? Ah yes, dildos. Today is "Share your embarrassing sex toy story day," and I'm gonna start us off.
True story. Back when I first kinda half assed moved out of my parents house I pretty much left all my stuff in my room as is and came home every few days to do laundry and get different clothes, toiletries, what have you. I wasn't officially out, just kinda not there much. AND since I was getting some strange pretty regular with that boyfriend of mine I didn't feel the need to take my toy with me. Okay and yeah this was back in the day before I was comfy telling a boy about my toys. SOOO Mr. Good Vibe stayed in my room back at home in his official hiding place. - In between my mattress and the wall. - STEALTHY!
But dag gummit wouldn't you know that being gone so much left me out of the loop as far as family gatherings went AND apparently was quite the opening for my parents to have over-night guests stay with them since they had an extra room and all? Huh. Who knew.
RIiiggghhhhhttt I'm sure you see where this is going, you seem to be smart folks. Unfortunately the first guests to stay would be my very own older BROTHER and his wife. My bed was one of them twin deals - i.e. no room for more than 1 and a 1/2 people - so the chances of one of them not ending up with an arm between the mattress and the wall at some point were kind of nill. Oh yeah and my mom gave them new sheets to put on the bed (which...would require TUCKING THEM IN!)
They had already been and gone by the time I came home for my weekly visit so I never had to see them face to face. The subject has never been brought up, but I know. I just. . . know.
Sorry Bro.
This Post Is Dedicated to:
"Mr. Good Vibe"
His vibe motor finally gave out
but he really gave it a good run.
R.I.P
In the county dump.
13 comments:
LOL!
(scooting... gotta work on studies!)
Dhor, I don't think there's enough room in the comments section for all my embarrassing dildo stories. So, I'll tell you a friend-of-a-friend story.
My friend's friend was hanging out with another friend when her young son (around 4 years old, I think) came wandering into the room. He'd, apparently, been playing in her bedroom and getting into things. He was carrying a life-like dildo, complete with faux-testicles. He made an announcement as he entered the room.
"Look, Mommy! It's a tallywhacker! With FEET!"
Thanx Suki! :)
Oh Ima we can make ROOM for your stories!! AHHAHHAHAH a tallywacker!! GGGAAHHHHHHHH :)
Dunno, butterfly, lady flower... it kinda goes well together.
And I'm sorry your big brother met Mr. Good Vibe. I'm sorry I'M LAUGHING MY ASS OFF!
HAHAHAHA! Love it, love it! Sorry, but HAHAHAHAHA so funny!
And Ima -- too classic! Did you read Darth Sardonic's blog about his little boy finding his wife's toy, and worrying that his dad's THING was broken off? ROFL!
Thanks :o)
BJ
They give them those names so girls won't be scared of them. Some of those things are fucking complicated! ;)
And doesn't "The Dolphin" sound so much better than "larger than life dildo with a dolphin-shaped tickler"?
I don't know..I'm just saying...
HOR! If your parents ever took a black light in your bedroom, they'd probably have heart attacks.
ah hahahah!!! Ah. You see, it was worth the flu and the travelling and the not catching up on blogs just for this time spent alone in a dark room with your blog. I have no embarrassing sex toy stories because I am WAY to hung up to own one. I once had some ball thingies but had to chuck them in case someone magically intuited that they existed on this planet. First though, I had to wrap them in newspaper and then a bag and then throw them in a bin two blocks away.
Not really.
Wow, that's exactly where I kept mine, way back when. Was your mattress on the floor, too?
Never bought a dildo, but I did get one at my bachelorette party before I got married. Hubby and I thought we'd try it for fun, but we felt like such dorks and it ended up on the floor that night. We tossed it out in the trash not long after that.
Sorry, no embarassing dildo stories!
HAhah! Blogget, I can see where a kid would think that. Owwww!
OH Dyck. Eww. And ok so true.
Sparx, RRRiiiiggghhhhttttt ;)
Rosa, oh my we could have been sisters. Ahhhh the matress on the floor. :) Fond memories. Ok so I actually only got a REAL bed like 3 months ago so I'm still adjusting but I think I love it! :)
Jenny - I'm honestly surprised. You crack me up :)
Ima - tru dat!
I'm living with my bf, he buys me this cute dildo. Not knowing I have the Father of vibrators at home. Being comfortable with our sexuality, and not having any company, we figure wh hide the thing? His sister (you see where this is going?) Decides she will surprise us and clean up a bit. I come home and see things picked up and He tells me what happened. I grap my heart in true Sanford style and tell him PLEASE TELL ME SHE DIDNT FIND IT!!!!! Oh yes, not only did she find it, she laid it on the pillow for us to find. And now, when she wants to see my face a nice day glo shade of red, she will ask very politely, do you need the place cleaned? ARGH!!
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