Does anybody else think taking a shower with your mate is only KIND of cool? It always sounded awesome when I was younger (and inexperienced.) Honestly though I've never been able to get it into that "awesome" category. Let's review.Kissing - We always want to kiss each other in the shower - really only for foreplay's sake - but it always kind of sucks. Why? Soap and Snot. If one persons hair is lathered up then soap is gonna be running down every ones face burning eyes and tasting horrid. And then snot. Water running off another persons face when you're kissing reminds me of snot. And then I get afraid that it IS his nose running, or that MY nose is running and I just don't know it. I'm really afraid of mucus.
MMMMmmmmm a good part - the soaping up and getting all slippery with each other. :) I love it when both folks get all soapy and then slip and slide all over each other - how fun is that? BUUUUTTTT it seems like whenever both people get all slippery and slidey and yummy that a certain person *ahem* feels that all of a sudden that the OTHER persons body is free range. Oh never mind with the code-talking, the guy all of a sudden thinks it's cool to put his hand in the girls butt-crack. THERE I said it. I KNOW it's the shower and soap is flowing around but I just feel weird with a hand all up in my shitter. Does that happen to anybody else? I try doing it back (with his PERSONAL loofah) to make him see "how it feels." Does it deter him? AHHHAHAHAHAHAHHAAA. no.
Ok and the sex. I'm guessing that anybody this side of the universe knows that when you try and get it on in the shower that the lady-flowers all important slippery nectar's get washed away. Squeeky Clean is wonderful for out-of-bed-lip-service-foreplay but so very much NOT wonderful for getting it on. If the Va-jay-jay's squeaky there'll be no freaky.
So what does any self respecting slicked up horny man do with a squeeky va-jay-jay and a girl that is grossed out by possible snoty kissing? WHY OF COURSE he starts a POKE-IN round with Mr. Boner once again in places that it doesn't belong! Ahhhhh! Leave. My. Ass. Alone!
(yeah that's especially dangerous if I bend over to give my legs a quick shave - yowza)
Last but not least there is of course always one person standing off to the back that doesn't have any warm water spraying on them and is starting to freeze. Lovely.
Ya know, I think I'd LIKE taking a shower with my man if we could leave the sex stuff out. You know like turn it into a sensual let's-wash-each-others-backs -and fronts! hee hee! Sort of thing - and just show love and caring and stuff. Wouldn't that be nice? Maybe I can talk him into it with the promise of getting some AFTER the shower and explaining that the shower will be sensual-I-Love-You-but-don't-want-to-screw-you-YET time.
Anybody? What do you do in these situations? Do you have the same problems? Any solutions?
25 comments:
It gets even worse when one of you is truly big and beautiful. I will leave it at that.
Belle - Have I mentioned that I *heart* you? Yes mam if you're like me and you have certain body-issues that freak you out, you end up arguing that "YES WE CAN take a shower with the lights out!"
And then have to give in to a small votive candle.
(and then accidently blow it out after he gets in) :)
Taking a shower together in the beginning is fun, but at this point, after 10 years together, I want to take a shower ALONE, with no kids (little or BIG) to bug me.
My dad (yes, my father) has solved the one person getting warm water and other person getting cold air dilema. He gutted his bathroom for a re-do and installed an extra large shower with not one but TWO shower heads, one on each side. The first time he did that, 2 showerheads with 1 water control. Well that sucked cuz he liked it hot and she liked it warm. New house, new bathroom re-do, same 2 showerheads, new 2 water controls. Now everyone is happy.
Dad is cool!
Jenny, will you dad adopt me? :)
LOL, Jenny! Your dad rocks!
Hey, if the boys don't have issues with the body, what's the point in us having them? I'm like... okay FINE I'd be healthier if I lost the weeny tyre, and I don't really like having a spare tyre, but he thinks I'm beautiful as I am, so what's the point in being insecure?
I've got to the point where the only thing that makes me embarassed is a fart. :P. No, not even burps.
As for showers, you are SO right about the sex bit! That also applies to fingers down there. It just doesn't work for me. Kissing works only with some very delicate maneuvering, and holding onto each other really really tight to keep warm in the cold water :).
Whenever we shower together, it usually ends up with a matter-of-fact shower, some kissing, maybe washing or lotioning each other's backs, and stuff like that.
Have I mentioned that hands in the ass-crack is just WRONG for me? Feeling my ass, kissing it, blowing raspberries on it etc etc is all fine, but the arsehole is meant for shit to come out of and possibly an enema to go into :P. Period.
Without the dual showerheads, showering together to get clean sucks and not in a good way.
Sex in the shower can be awesome but you do sometimes need to supplement your natural lube.
MrWurdi and I stayed at a hotel once where the shower had THREE shower heads, all independently controlled. It was delightful.
Lindy girl, you crack me up! Hee hee, I said crack. Anyway - I'm witcha on most of this stuff. But the total absolute worst part is that I usually end up being the one who freezes to death. Have you seen those showers that have multiple heads, like many heads??? Sorta like a human car wash. Now that might be entertaining!
Jenny - You're some kind of cool chick to talk to your DAD about the intricasies (can't spell sorry) about taking showers - NAKED - with your mom. Geeeeewwww *shudder* more power to ya though. MMMmmmmmm wouldn't one of those big ole fancy showers seriously be the SHIT though??? Ooooo I'd love that.
Oh INDIE!! AHAHAHAHAHAH you for real made me laugh with your theory on the usage of a persons ass "...and possibly an enema to go into." ahahhahahahahhhahah Oh, oh lord, ok, I've got to stop. eeee thanx for the laugh :) I'd love to have the self confidance that you have, maybe one day it will come for me :) And yep, you're right, finger play doesn't do anything either, ah well. :)
Ima - MMmmmmm I WANT one of those! Too cool.
Cruiser - Me too, maybe it's a woman thing, ya know the "sacrifice-er" and all. And yes indeed I need to find some of those shower heads. Oh lord could you imagine if you had too much water pressure and turned into one unexpectedly? My boobs are telling me to BEWARE. Mmmmmmm Wouldn't that be Hella sweet if you could get two of them with the removable heads tho?????? ;)
I am a bit of a fruit so I very much enjoy the whole slippery bit of showering with someone and the whole soaping process, but difficulties to abound.
I had a problem recnetly where I went down to do some suckling of the teat whilst in the shower, and I wound up inhaling 3 quarts of water. I nearly drowned trying to get a mouthful of breast meat which isn't what you want in your obituary.
Ryan - You got laid? With a woman? Kick ass dude, your world is looking up. ;)
like mexicans take showers...
Oh Jeremy, always here to put a smile on my face. :)
"If the Va-jay-jay's squeaky there'll be no freaky." Oh my God I almost wet my pants laughing! Amen sister! (Although, if he insists on getting it on, I recommend children's bubble bath - very little burn or irritation with the appropriate amount of suds-ing.)
When we bought our house we did a remodel of the master bathroom - the new shower has duel heads with temperature controls on both sides - worth every penny! As a result, darling husband's latest fantasy involves using the shower (and the full bench seat) to its 'fullest potential'. I, however, am with Jenny - we have been there and done that, and now I want to shower ALONE.
I agree with you - showering together is grand foreplay, but I would rather play hide the salami after everyone is dry. And yes, yes, yes! Why do men assume that rules set forth on dry land can be dimissed when in the shower?! The ass is off limits, wet or dry.
I haven't watched a great deal of porn, but are there a large number of flicks with shower scenes? That is the only reason I can think of to explain the obsession with gettin' freaky in the bathroom. I was raised to believe the bathroom was to be used for shitin', showerin', and shavin' - there is no sex in the bathroom.
Okay, now I spit up some diet Coke when I read, "If the Va-jay-jay's squeaky there'll be no freaky."
Holy Jesus, Joseph, and Mary! LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL The. Best. Line. Ever.
And I'm with you on the fact that some men feel that the shower means a butt poke. I think not, gentlemen, I think not....
I still like to jump in the shower with the hubby... But like you said its never JUST a shower.. he sees skin and acts like we have never had sex before....
I am making sure our next shower has 2 heads to avoid one of us getting cold.. nothing better than being naked and kissing in the shower
My family has always been pretty open-minded about sex. We don't share DETAILS, but we joke about stuff. When visiting Dad and stepmom in Florida, dad said we were welcome to try out the new dual-head shower, *wink wink*. I know there are some people who would be really embarassed, but the simple fact is this, obviously sex happens because how else did 3 little girls get here? (we didn't try out the shower)
Hubby got some chocolate for a birthday gift and I said that they were going to be mine before long. Hubby jokingly started to put them inside his pants telling me to "come and get it!" I pretended that I was smacking my lips and said, "yum! Chocolate flavored with a hint of nuts". My point? Hubby's parents were right there laughing with us! We can't do that around his uptight sister, though.
I'm going to cross-stitch that squeaky va-jay-jay comment on a pillow and toss it on the living room couch. Just kidding, I don't cross-stitch. I might paint it on the garage door though. Great line. Also, about the whole sex-in-the-shower observations....you are SO right. Regarding all of it. Swimming pools also fit into that category of "Sounds fun but isn't." Call me boring but a nice warm bed and a little missionary and I'm usually pretty happy. Usually.
I prefer showering alone. Just me, my rubber ducky, and the shower massager.
Driving - Thank You! And AMEN!! And hey maybe you could do a
"Dry run" on the bench in your shower. (get it? dry run? -no water running just doing it in there because you can? Funny PUN??, ok, ok, I'm done:)
And don't tell anybody this but I haven't seen so much porn myself but aren't they like ALWAYS showing nekkid chicks (no nipple!) in those teen movies in the shower? Their messin up our mens heads.
And REALLY??? With the soap?
Sassy - Oh I love you's gals confirmation that I'm not the "only one" so much I could just flip over and, and, and shit I don't know but it makes me feel so good. :)
Random - "...and acts like we have never had sex before." AHAHAHAHAHAHH you made me laugh! And it's damn early in the morning. :) I'm glad you don't have the kissing freak-out like me! :)
Jenny - EEEEEE!!! I have the best blog commenters EV-VER!! Your chocolate flavored with Nuts story is freaking awesome. AHh ha ha hahahahahhaah oh lord reading these comments are like opening christmas presents. You are SO funny. :)
Jill - I don't cross stitch either but hey it sounded cool. OMLord I'm picturing a chick painting that on a garage door and it's gonna be stuck in my head all day :) You're hilarious :) And POOLS - YES!! (well i mean ack NO!) You're so right! And let us not forget ye ole hot tub. LA-AME
Dyck - AAAWwwwwwww I've got a rubber ducky themed bathroom! (and btw you totally sound like a chick in that comment, or was it meant to be like that? Funny either way) Did you know they have a rubber ducky vibrator? Looks just like the real thing.
"Rubber Ducky, you're the one, You make bathtime lots of fun, Rubber Ducky, I'm awfully fond of you; ... Rubber Ducky, you're my very best friend, it's true!"
To clarify: I wasn't talking about not looking good, but about how small shower stalls are... There's just moves that are not possible when you're big and beautiful... or the tap gets in the way or...
To clarify: I wasn't talking about not looking good, but about how small shower stalls are... There's just moves that are not possible when you're big and beautiful... or the tap gets in the way or...
So funny as usual.
I actually quite like the wet, slippery thing going on, my problem, we don't have a shower cubicle, our shower is over the bath so therefore we have a shower curtain. By the time we unravel ourselves from the shower curtain which clings to us everytime we move, I complain about the cold tiled wall that I am have trouble stablising myself against because of all the soap, the notion has gone, we my notion, I don't think a mans notion ever goes! The only other feasible position would be to touch my toes and we won't even go there! Solution - a private steam room, wet, slippery, steamy (if you're a bit shy) and benches to sit or lie whatever takes your fancy. Nice
Belle- sorry, I got what you meant and then I just went off on a tangent of my own. :)
Self - So WHERE do I get one of these steam rooms?? ;) But are they hot? Will I be sweaty? I don't like sweaty kissing. (geez I'm pretty picky eh?)
I vaguely remember what it's like to shower with someone, and I remember it being just as you described.
That said, reading about it made me want to go out and get me a manwhore just the same. ;)
Faux - Well hell yeah! You've always got to Re-Try everything with a new man, just cuz ;)
Ok well maybe not EVERYTHING, but you get it.
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