Killed My Camera

Sonofabitch.

I dropped my nearly 6 month old digi camera. My first! My baby! And broke it all to hell. $250.00? Dead. Fuck.

And when we were robbed like a month ago? They stole it! I think. I tend to loose things pretty regularly or "put them away." When I "put something away" it's never good because I'm kind of hoaky and forget where the hell I put shit away TO. So I THINK they stole it but, well, ya never know. Anyways I'm kicking myself in the ass because if I wouldn't have procrastinated I could have sent it in to Kodak and they would have replaced it for free. Isn't that nice of them? But no. I let it sit on my counter for a good month and turned it on every couple of days or so to see if maybe it had healed yet. It wasn't healing. Bastard, for two-fiddy that beotch should be able to regenerate limbs if necessary. (and give me a blow job once in a while damn it)

Anyways I went this weekend to buy a new one. They had the SAME one I bought last year for 250 now for 150. How nice. Gosh I really liked that camera and it had everything I could possibly need. But I went shopping ASSUMING that I was going to spend 2-fiddy agian. Sooooo. . . . Well since I WAS ok with spending that much ...... and since I could STIIIIIILLLLL spend it and get a few more mega pixels and brand fancy new fangled opitonnnnssss. . .. .... Yeah. Yep. K.

Dear AssCrack Condescending Businessman:

Sorry but it seems that even though you might make a lot of money - you're still stooopid. Bummer. Really.

This morning on my way back from running some errands for work my boss called and asked if I would pick up a bunch of McDonald's stuff for breakfast for everyone at work. I. Am. Glamorous! :)

Anyways, when I was about to enter the McD's a tall salt n pepper I'm-so-businessman like-and-important-and-stiff-mygod-just-look-at-my-perfectly-jelled-hair guy came up and started speaking to me. I didn't immediately run or yell NO HABLO INGLES! (yeah that one throws people off) because he was obviously captain business America and I didn't THINK he was going to ask me for money. Ok plus it was 7a.m. and my brain wasn't moving at it's normal ghetto safety speed yet.

Mr. Business pointed across the street to a sit-down restaurant and asked me if it is the best place around for breakfast. I told him I'd never been there but for SURE to not go to the I-Hop here because it is disgusting. As I walked into McD's he followed me in and felt the need to explain that - "I'm not here for the food, I don't eat in places like this, I'm just here for the premium coffee."

Uh. EeewMKay well that's nice. And INSULTING and condescending and assholeish. I mean REALLY douchebag? You're going to mention how terrible and revolting and BELOW you the clown food is to someone that is OBVIOUSLY going to be eating it in like 40 seconds? (actually I kind of hate McD's breakfast - why can't they be cool like Burger king and sell their lunch foods 24/7? I WOULD eat a hamburger and fries for breakfast - and no I don't need any preaching about how bad that would be for me- but the POINT is that he didn't KNOW that I hate it)

Honest to God I couldn't tell if he was being sarcastic about the "Premium" coffee or if he was being for real. When he went up to order he DID ask for "a large premium coffee." Dork. I'd rather drink the pretend cappuccino from a gas station.

He looked at me a bit goofy when I ordered enough food for 10 people. Ahahaha so I told him that I was there picking up for work. Ok so I'M the dummy there because that opened up the window for him to start small talk. Yuck I didn't want to talk to some asshole stranger about my job - it's too hard to explain to NORMAL people let alone a dildo. Ah well lesson learned.

Lesson Learned: Just because it's well dressed and drives - doesn't mean that I should let down my ghetto guard. NO HABLO INGLES!!

Conversation in bed last night

"Layd me tahch chor bahlly bahdon."

"NO."

"Come Onnnnnn Baahlly Baahhhdon."

"Quit! Ahh, Nooooo, Ssssssss."

"I give eet keeeses."

"No! I'm going to get pissy."

*Insert ridiculous smile with dimples looking up at me from a mischievous mexican*

"Why, WHY do you not let this go?"

"Becaze you don layt me gayt eet."

"YES! FOR A REASON."

"Why?"

*insert me attacking mexican and trying my best to turn him into a blanket burrito*

*insert me getting pissy because that bastard is stronger than me and won't let me win*

AHHHHHHH He drives me INSANE with his obsession with my stomach and more importantly my "Bahlly Bahdon." I HATE having my belly button touched. And I'll be damned if his life goal isn't to be poking something in it every 10 minutes or so. AAHh SHIT HELL he'll even give it a wet willy. ACK PHEWY GROSS!! Jesus what's WRONG with this leetle quesadilla???

EEll GAAAHHHHH it just feeels funny, don't touch it and for God's sake don't go pokin around in it.

The only way I can win that fight is to either "teeekle" him (hahahahah that's one ticklish freakin taco man if I've ever seen one) Or initiate sex. But initiating sex would be a form of positive reinforcement so I'm not sure if that's the smartest thing to do.

Yes, I'm sorry, this isn't normal Hor-Fare-reading material but he drives me up the wall with this. And yeah if this is our biggest problem then of course I don't really have anything to complain about, I know.

But DAMN IT -FUCK SHIT HELL- I really hate having it played with! I just needed to vent a bit. PISS HOR SLUT! GOLLY FUCKIN GEE! GOLLY GEE FUCK!!! Ok good, a little more venting, I'm starting to feel better.

SHIT HELL!!! My best idea would be to put jalepeno juice in there and let him burn himself - BUT NOOOOOOO he IS a Pepper it'd just draw im to it like a fly to shit. GAHHHHH.

I just don't know.

Sometimes I Pre-Ejaculate

Mostly in the grocery store.
It's so embarrassing! The check out lady must think I'm some sort of crazy person freak of nature(and my GAWD and this is Walmart we're talking about!!) Yesterday I did it at old navy but at least the girl was nice enough to pretend like she didn't hear me. Ugh I even did it in the jewelry store when C. and I picked up our rings. Maybe I got excited by all of the shiny-ness? I don't know but the chick gave me that damn look that says "Ew Kayyyyyy"

I guess I should elaborate. You all need details. Thank You. I pre-ejaculate my thank-yous. Were you thinking sex? Good! Yeah sometimes the sex thing happens to girls to but I'll get to that later.

For real though I'll be in the store and I'm so conscientious about trying to be extra polite and nice that sometimes I get ahead of myself and start saying thank you at inappropriate times. Most usually when I hand my money to the clerk. You're not supposed to say Thank You when you GIVE your money to them! *bangs head on desk* Dummy! Dummy! Dummy! And then I get all befuddled and have to say thank you again when they hand me my change back. AAWWW!!! SSSSSSShit! WWWHYYYYYYYYY?????? Why must I do that? It's like a weekly occurrence and it's SOOO embarrasing. Shit!

Or sometimes when I'm flustered I say it when I sort of really don't need to. Example: When I was driving semi I got pulled over for speeding. 61 in a 45 - Whoops! Anyways, when the cop handed me my ticket? I said thank you and told him to "have a good one." I FUCKING TOLD HIM THANKYOU FOR LAMBASTING ME!!! That BASTARD didn't even give me the 5 over deal - he actually wrote me for 16 over! Do you KNOW what that does to your insurance! FUCK! Fucker! And I told him thank you!!! What the HELL is wrong with me???? SHIT

I freaking hate that and I need to figure out a way to make myself stop.

It's WORSE than pre-ejaculating during sex. Yeah, girls can do it too. Well, I don't think I ejaculate but I can come waaaaay to soon if he get's me all super extra crazy riled up before we start the real thing. YAY for being super crazy riled up but so NOT Yay for one.....two... uuhh oohhhhhh OOOHHHH oooooooommmmmmm :) :) :) :). Uh-Oh. Crap. shitshitshitshitshit.

Ah well at least girls can keep going and act like nothing happened. And ya know I think we should get credit for that! Seriously I go strait from the O! nonstop into uh-oh, think-girl-think! And on into the pulling-out-of-all-stops mode to get that boy DONE. NOW. Poor guy never knows what hits im. Of course sometimes that backfires when I start to pull out my special get-im-done-quik-tricks and he's in let's go slow and be lovey dovey mood. Then I have to fess up so we can stop and start the process all over again. Hooray for doubles but only when I'm not dead tired ya know?

Ah well folks. What'cha gonna do. But for real, how am I going to stop this pre-ejaculating of the thank yous? It's got to stop.

A Gay Man, A Celibate Croation woman and A DYCK!

***********I'm an Asshole and spelled Croatian wrong but now I can't go back and change it because she busted me out about it on her blog***********************

Anyways, as I read through the short conversation in my Cbox that had taken place while I was gone last night I do believe I was filled with a sense of . . . something that I can't quite place. Found hope? Goodwill? The feeling of being proud? Thankful? I'm not sure.

Do you all remember the part of Dr. Martin Luther Kings speech about how he had a dream that "...little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls as sisters and brothers." ?

That part of the speech has always touched me. I was brought up in a home where I was taught by example not to judge a person by the color of their skin, their wealth or their sexual orientation. I was taught only to show love to people that come my way and only be wary and "judge" if a person is truly dangerous. Sometimes that's hard when I come across a cantankerous person that's intent on being mean, cruel or unjust for no apparent reason. It's those people that I know I need to try my hardest with.

But blah blah blah, I digress. When I scanned the chat box I read the playful words of a Croatian woman, a Gay American man and a Dyck. I'm not sure what the heck Dyck is but I believe him to be American Man of whom is the antitheses of anything gay. Or celibate. Or...........God only knows.

AND all of these interesting yet different folks came together to talk on a blog where a white American gal talks quite a bit about her love affair with a Mexican man. (And dildos.)

The US hasn't quite reached the utopia in Dr. Kings speech but it IS a place where I can safely say that a lot of little black children can and do join hands and play with little white children.

Yes we still have racism in areas of our country and in the hearts of some of our people, yes some still do still carry a certain wariness for persons of foreign origin and yes we have a long way to go toward equal rights for gays and lesbians. But I'll be damned if this is one of those places.

What sets my small blog apart? The only thing I can come up with is Sex. Maybe the orgy hippies of yesteryear had it right. Maybe that's how they coped with the changing times. Sex and dildos and innuendos bring us together here on this blog.

Hooooray! for orgasms. I guess if you think about it, people from all countries, sexual orientation and race have sex. Besides the fact that yes if you prick us we'll bleed and the fact that we have to eat and drink and breath to live, sex maybe one of the only things we have in common worldwide. Ok so maybe not everybody gets to HAVE sex but at least they want it. Sorry RYAN.

I'm not sure where to go here but I feel I'm on to something. Anybody out there a revolutionist? Maybe you could think about using the sex thing. I'm open to suggestions.

I Told You So. (beotch)

Last night we had a scary ass storm heading our way. You know the kind where the weather folks REALLY get hyped up and excited and it seems like their about one tornado warning away from either orgasming or spontaneously combusting right on the air? I'll bet their some kinky folk. "Oh baby, tell daddy he's a category 5, ooh yeah, say flash flood, oooooh almost there, say sand bags say sand bags! Ahhhhhhh DECLAIR DISASTER for daddy!!!" Bastards.

Anyways, they were mentioning 80 mph winds and tornado warnings and taking cover and telling folks living in trailers to EV-A-CU-ATE. Eeeeee!!! I told my jumping bean that we had to GO. The storm was predicted to hit us in like 15 minutes and we needed to get our asses to a basement somewhere.

AHH!! And that leeetle what-ever-nothing-is-going-to-happen-why-are-you-overreacting
PENDEJO-that-I-love wasn't hearing it. He just sat there on the couch with me watching the weathergirl start to convulse and started getting assey. "Eet's fine, Nathings going to kahpayn."

I kept urging and flipping and finally he agreed to go but said he had to take a shower first. OH, well good idea frijole, that way when the coroner finds you cut in half by a flying ROOF at least your assey ass will be clean. Did I mention I was nervous?

Bless his heart he DID manage to take a really quick shower and came out to meet me with my freak-out face on and clothes for him to wear. He started getting pissy and moving slow so I really started to lay it on about how we had to get the shit out of there and he gave me the ole "Just go now and I'll catch up with you." What. Ever. I made it quite clear that I wasn't leaving without his stoopid ass and he better for REAL hurry.

By this point it had dropped from 90 degrees to about 75 (in the time span of like 4 minutes) the sky was black and the wind was showing IT'S ass. Eek! FINLAY Sr. Ass-a-lot got his shit together and was ready to leave.

OH! OH! OH! This is the shit - I kid you not, scouts honor, the SECOND his foot stepped outside on to our steps I heard this weird CCRRRRRRAAAAAKKWHHOOOSHCRACKBOOM! noise. I thought "Holy shit that lighting was close!" But no, as I tried to get out the door where he had gone catatonic, I saw what it really was. Out in front of our house a BIIIIGGG Old tree decided it couldn't take any more and had broken in half and fell out into the road. For real like 20 feet from us.

AHahahahahahha! He turned around and looked at me with his eyes all BIG and said in his I'm scared voice "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, layt's go."

Ah ha ha ha. I remember clearly that when I saw that tree in the road and he said I'm sorry I forgot about being scared and thought "YES!! BOO-YAH-POLLY how freakin COOL was that! I was RIGHT and now you KNOW it beotch!" I allllllllmost shot my finger strait in the air and screamed "THANK YOU!" to the heavens for such a perfectly timed bitch slap to my sweet little bowl of rice and beans.

Ha. ha. ha-haaaaa ha. Nah-nah-nah-nah-booooooo boo!

Luckily for him I'm nothing if I'm not modest, *ahem* and decided against an I-told-you-so happy dance, picked up his balls up off the ground and let him drag ME to the car.

Ok by they way I stole the cbox idea from DYCK!! (in my link list) and created this box you might have noticed to your right. I loved the sharing of the crazy sex places in THIS POST so here is a box to continue with the fun. I get new readers sometimes and I want to keep up the fun! So let it all hang out and have some fun reading, sharing AND getting new ideas for your OWN escapades.
***************************UPDATE*****************************
Ok so maybe Krissie and I will use it to chat! Ah well it'll be what it'll be. :)

Poor Google Really Takes It Up The Ass

I've had an abundant flux of google searches leading to my site ever since I did a post about Anal Sex. I feel the need to address a few.

To whom ever searched for: "Sex Ass 15" I'd appreciate it if you would not come back to my site, or any other site - EVER - as a result of you coming to the realization of what a sick bastard you are and doing society a favor by blasting your OWN ass right off the face of the earth. Guns are cheap you shouldn't have a problem.
- One thing though, (just in case) if you are a kid (like say a 15 yr. old boy and gay or curious or something) never mind on the killing yourself thing but for real, just keep jackin it for a while and wait a couple of years. For heavens sake learn to drive before you start having sex. Buy some lube at Wal-Mart but DON'T put it in your sock drawer, your mom is SO going to find it there and embarrass you. Put it behind your PlayStation or Xbox.

To the TWO people that searched - "Why are men so obsessed with anal sex" I'm sorry I couldn't be of more help. Honestly though? It doesn't matter because once they have it in their head it no longer matters how it got there. My condolences. May the force of tight unyielding asses everywhere be with you. Good luck.

To this person - "What does a strap on dildo up the ass feel like" I'd like to share with you that there are plenty of talk forums out there that can answer that question for you. Stop frightening poor Google. In case you're shy I guess I could just tell you. Think back to the last time you took a dump that was a bit too big for your bung and try to imagine it working it's way BACK IN after it came out. And then coming out and going back in over and over. Best of luck to you.

To this guy - "Strapon prostate girlfriend - savage" I'm so very sorry. Perhaps you should consider RUNNING AWAY!!

To searcher - "Fukyu Sex" Krissie? Is that you? It's spelled "Fuck You" darling, how's that abstinence going? Sounds like you're getting a little frustrated. Either that or you didn't have a very good time. (xoxo:)

AND to - "OMG fuck me" Huh. So it must have been that you were frustrated. Glad to have cleared that up.

Ridin' wit a foe-dy: Testement to the kick-ass-tedness of my Dad

I don't mind having cookouts in our little Ghetto yard, we have a nice time and we don't have drive-bys so well ya know, it's ok. The only thing that ever bothers me about it is when my parents come. I don't want them to see the folks in crappy cars (or the super nice pimped out rides that look somehow out of place in a po-folk place like the ghetto. Why yes maybe they work hard like us and choose to put their money into pimped-da-licious vehicles. But really the first thing that comes to any ones mind is "Ooh HE be sellin some drugs" ) all because I don't want them to worry about me. You can see below the favored ride of those special folk round these parts.

Along with the interesting array of vehicles comes the "walkers" - i.e. folks grown enough to drive but walk instead + they are NOT walking for their health. THOSE people. And my personal favorite, the subject of my story today - the bike riders. Remember the Schwinn with the curled around handlebars and the super skinny tires? For some reason they seem to be the bike of choice, hell if I know why but there they are, like the skinny jean they have yet to disappear.

Ok, ok, getting to it, at our last cook out we were all sitting outside, having a good time and I was actually thinking to myself, "Hey this is going pretty good! The pimp down the way isn't having a brawl with his hoes and we haven't had to many cars going past staring and NO walkers and No..." *enter sound of my precious thought process screeching to a halt and my heart sinking* (EEEEEERRRRRshitRRRRcrapRRRRdamnRR crash!!) " .... bike. riders."

Enter Scene Left- Bike rider especial. Oooooo and a dandy he was!! A Schwinn master of balance and speed!


Yes and riding with no hands so he could keep a darn good grip on his brown bag with the "forty" inside.

I don't know if the forty is international so in case you don't know, it's a glass bottle of 40oz of beer, usually lovingly cared for and transported in a signature brown paper bag.

I hate it when I walk to the store near where I work to get a pop (ok and candy) and they put my stuff in one of THOSE bags. Yes I'm THAT shallow that I don't want to walk back to work with my brown bag of candy cuz YES I'm sorry I just don't want to look like one of THOSE people. Yes I do realize the absurdity and shameful nature of my thoughts, forgive me if you can.

Continuing scene - My Dad speaking up to save the day as I start to try and explain or say sorry or SOMETHING to break the silence - "Ah hell he can't be that bad, he took the corner pretty darn fast and never had to take his hands off that bottle!" "I'd say he's got some talent. Or experience. " "Either way as long as he's still ridin with skill like that he can't be all that bad off."

Bless my Dad's heart he might have been a little schnokered himself but I'll be darned if he didn't take the awkward situation and turn it into something funny, all while saving me from not putting my foot but most likely my entire leg in my mouth with some sort of idiot explanation.

We all had a laugh and were able to continue on while my sweet leeetle churro did his own continuing on of cooking the ever living SHIT out of everything on the grill. WHY do Mexicans insist on turning everything into jerky? WHY? My parents prefer their meat barely warmed over -just so long as it's not twitchin- and bless them again for eating with a passion and complimenting aplenty. (they're crackers like me so I think they consider eating with us to be a cultural experience, chalk it up to that, and forget that the meat they're eating COULD have been juicy and tender - God bless the mind of a Hillbilly!)

So that's that.

Thank You Dad for saving the day and being so cool about the local "scenery." I really do appreciate it.

Whorecrafting at the County Fair

Yay!! The fair is here!!! Do you guys have county fairs where you come from?? I figure yall from the states do but what about my omg-so-cool-I've-got-a-few-people-that-come-here-from-other-contries-isn't-that-neato-as-shit folks?? Or maybe you have your own version?



C. has only been to the fair ONCE in his life and he didn't ride any rides or even eat FOOD!!! Eeek! GAWD no food? That's half of what we GO for. (and to see the hoochies come out in daylight) I felt this had to be remedied post haste.

The fair has an awesome power to bring everyone out - FULLY embrassing their chosen nitche in society. The Hoochies get hoochier! The Emos put on thier very best displays, the Flava Flav impersonators bring
out thier best bling, (damn how do they not get maimed by all that gold if they go on a ride???) The rednecks wear their best confederate apparel and the hillbilies - well the hillbillies just act like they normaly do, not too much change for them folk we just keep on keepin on.

I mentioned Whorecraft - (a spoof I found from Alan (over on my link bar) ) because the gals running the arts and craft (68+ and not a day younger) were all in a tizzy about some of the hoochie crafters appearance in their sacred quilting barn. Sorry gramma just because that little ho-philly-J-Lo-Fergelicious-wanna-be MADE a quilt or doily it doesn't mean she's a gonna dress like one. Well actually she MIHGT have been wearing a doily so look at that! It's functional!

We walked through the animal barns where I tried to perfect my sheep, chicken and turkey calls to the dismay of my poor love-burrito companion. I'm sorry but when I hear a sheep "mzBaaaaa" I have an uncontrolable urge to try and mimic it to the best of my ability. I think it's the hillbilly in my blood, it's kind of like male pattern baldness it just can't be helped. And Come ON!! Growing up with chickens really helped me hone my clucking skillzz and damn it I wanted to show off for my true love. Shouldn't he be happy to discover my hidden talents?? I'll give it to him on the turkeys though, I just can't quite do it and end up sounding like a big ole chicken being screwed by a vibrating donkey, or something, it's just not right.

When we walked through the horse barn I told sweet naive tortilla that the horses with braides in their hair belong to black people.
He just stared at me for a bit and didn't say anything so if we ever take a kid to the fair I might want to clear that one up.

We went on the scariest ride and my poor taco had to close his eyes.
*quietly* - bwwaaaahahahha! shhhhhh.......
It took all I had not to ruin his MAN status by laughing at him. Come on now THAT'S love.

And on to the food. Experienced fair go-er that I am I know what to get (fair-fries, corn-dog, Elepahnt-ear, fresh lemonade, bi-pass surgeon) but silly independent mexican wouldn't listen to me. He chose to get buffalo wings -HOT!!- and of course they turned out to be generic not-hot-at-all soggy chicken wings. They were so gross he couldn't finish and I felt sorry for him and shared my fair fries. He got a little too grabby with em so I sent his ass packin to get a corn dog - that was wonderful, he loved, and ended up getting TWO of. Thank-You very much maybe you'll listen next time pal???

We went to get on the ferris wheel (so we could make out and I could feel him up) and there was NO line. How cool right?? We stood waiting for like two minutes and some parents sent their two leeeeeeetle girls up to ride ALL-BY-OURSELVES!!! Cute kids, whatever we listened to them talk about how they were going to be so brave and ride the ride like big kids.

Little bastards. Just as C. and I got settled in to our seat (and I was figuring out just how to postion myself for maximum dirty play) those little punks rushed our ride and ran into the same Gondola WITH us. Turns out they didn't feel like big kids after all and didn't figure the kind strangers would mind them coming along. ICK, talk about an instant buzz kill. Eww. Ah-well, sweet unknowing chorizo didn't KNOW that he was about to be molested so really I was the only one disappointed.

Good times.

100th POST! Anal Sex? Crap.

I was gonna throw a little blog party on my 100th blog post and try to have some fun and give something away (something small, I'm CHEAP!!) just for the fun of it all. Why yes and to shamelessly promote myself AND not have to come up with a decent topic. Too honest? I wonder sometimes.

I'd been thinking about it for a week or two and then - Forgot. This is post 108. It took me SEVEN craping posts to remember? Maybe I play with my little brothers lead toys too much, I don't know, but I fer-git-ed. There's no lead in my "Toys" right? I don't imagine latex or silicone has it so neva mind/.

God would you LOOK at that CLOWN? EEEEEEK!! I was searching for party images and came across his scary ass. I HATE freaking clowns (it's my moms fault she's scared of them and made me scared of them too, thanx ma) but this one doesn't scare me as bad cuz he looks like he comes from the Ghetto and I can deal with Ghetto folk. -No eye contact, knife in pocket, cell phone with 911 speed dial - S'all good.

I guess having the Anal Sex post be my 100th was rather fitting but (ok so it was REALLY fitting) I had something else in mind. Ah well, no biggie I'll be passing up my 10,000th visitor (not page view cuz that doesn't count) before toooo long and I'll have the free give-a-way then. I can't believe that 7 months ago I didn't even know what a blog was. (at all for real, no idea, I KNOW crazy-kuc-koo right?)

Ah well moving on. I'm a useless piece of crap today because I've discovered this new website -
http://trueofficeconfessions.com/ omg you guys. I'll bet a lot of you will like this cuz yer some beotches like me and do a bunch of surfing right from your office job. I almost didn't even POST it because you might all go over there and never come back HERE!! :) There is also a TrueMomconfession site (the one that started them all) a Dad confession site and a Bride confession site (all linked to each other) Basically you go there and anon confess something and there is a button for people to click "Me Too" if they've ever been through the same thing.

I think I confessed about 8 times yesterday on the office site because I finlay found a safe place to do it! I'm a little too um... well, something or other involving off the hook K-raz-ee to blog about my job and all of the BULLSHIT that goes on here. I sort of don't want to be fired so I just don't go there. Anyways it's one of my new fav. places to go and I just HAD to share it with you's pals.

K- gotta run and see if I've been "Mee too'd" I'll be back with hor-stuff later. 10 bucks to anybody who can guess my confessions.