"Layd me tahch chor bahlly bahdon."
"NO."
"Come Onnnnnn Baahlly Baahhhdon."
"Quit! Ahh, Nooooo, Ssssssss."
"I give eet keeeses."
"No! I'm going to get pissy."
*Insert ridiculous smile with dimples looking up at me from a mischievous mexican*
"Why, WHY do you not let this go?"
"Becaze you don layt me gayt eet."
"YES! FOR A REASON."
"Why?"
*insert me attacking mexican and trying my best to turn him into a blanket burrito*
*insert me getting pissy because that bastard is stronger than me and won't let me win*
AHHHHHHH He drives me INSANE with his obsession with my stomach and more importantly my "Bahlly Bahdon." I HATE having my belly button touched. And I'll be damned if his life goal isn't to be poking something in it every 10 minutes or so. AAHh SHIT HELL he'll even give it a wet willy. ACK PHEWY GROSS!! Jesus what's WRONG with this leetle quesadilla???
EEll GAAAHHHHH it just feeels funny, don't touch it and for God's sake don't go pokin around in it.
The only way I can win that fight is to either "teeekle" him (hahahahah that's one ticklish freakin taco man if I've ever seen one) Or initiate sex. But initiating sex would be a form of positive reinforcement so I'm not sure if that's the smartest thing to do.
Yes, I'm sorry, this isn't normal Hor-Fare-reading material but he drives me up the wall with this. And yeah if this is our biggest problem then of course I don't really have anything to complain about, I know.
But DAMN IT -FUCK SHIT HELL- I really hate having it played with! I just needed to vent a bit. PISS HOR SLUT! GOLLY FUCKIN GEE! GOLLY GEE FUCK!!! Ok good, a little more venting, I'm starting to feel better.
SHIT HELL!!! My best idea would be to put jalepeno juice in there and let him burn himself - BUT NOOOOOOO he IS a Pepper it'd just draw im to it like a fly to shit. GAHHHHH.
I just don't know.
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20 comments:
I refuse to allow Jen to touch my belly button. It feels like someone is fiddling with my intestines... Just a weird, wrong feeling. I am considering having mine soldered shut.
Here's a question: If you are an outie, does it make that awful feeling every time your shirt rubs against it? And how do you clean in the seam between the innie and the belly? Floss?
Outies are genetically superior to innies. Seriously.
This Message was paid for by the Coalition to Keep Your Damned Pokey Fingers to Yourself.
Thank You Geoff- You described the icky feeling quite well.
Eeeewww outies freak me out. I had the same math teacher two years in a row in highscool. Not only did he have a MASSIVE outie on his BIG belly, he wore tight shirts. PLUS he was one of those people that gets that nasty weird white spit build up in the corner of his mouth if he talks too long. AND he sat me in the front row! Honest to GOD I got A's in math before that teacher but in his classes could only pull eyes away from the train wreck of his body long enough to get a D.
Ok! That was a bit much. But thank you Geoff - I NEEDED somebody else to hate how it feels so I don't feel like such a freak.
I once saw a guy on Leno or somewhere who had jars filled with the little pieces of... cotton or something (he claimed they would get there from the towels he was wiping himself with - and some jars had green content, some had red - apparently according to the colour of the towels) he was getting out of his belly button. That was gross!
How does that help you? It doesn't,I just thought I'd share.
*GAG*
That's about what that does for me.
*Hoooaaalllllk*
I love your blog so very much and agree that belly buttons should be off limits.
Ima - YES!!!! *fist punch in air* another button hater! YAY!! (and THANK YOU!!! that always makes my day :)
Lame. To the max.
Yeah, I said it.
You need to lighten up. First the ban on butt sex, and now this? How many holes do you plan on having go out of business?
Well, I guess I better not tell you what happens to your belly button when you get pregnant.
xo
Jenny - For real? I've never heard of anything happening? What the hell happens???!!!
I don't even like having my belly touched, not just the button! I just move his hand somewhere else wink wink then we're both happy. And OMG AAAAAGGHHHH that white spit build up!! hurl!!
Why are you making out with the Taco Bell chihuahua?
Ok. I've been reading your blog for a while and I just had to respond to this one. My hubby would not leave my bbutton the HELL alone for like the first year we were together. He was obsessed... just because he could not go there. It feels disgusting to me. Luckily he just got over it.
And the guy who told you to lighten up and stop refusing entry to your holes can go fuck himself.
The Anus is an EXIT ONLY in my book. Belly button is just creepy, and come to think of it, I don't really want anyone fucking around in my nose either. All other holes are available. =)
By the way, my innie became a HUGE OUTIE when I was pregnant!!!!
hope he doesn't cut you with his switchblade.
Hee hee.. yeah, for real! your belly button gets all stretched out and nearly becomes an outie! I could see the inside bottom of my belly button!!
But yeah, leave the belly button alone, thank goodness Hubby doesn't want to play with it.
Lol! Hilarious!
Hermitgrrl - Ahh I totally try that hand moving trick! But damn it once he gets his mind set he doesn't give up. Honestly he's got the determination of a carpenter ant. Ya know the BIG ants that when they bite something you can tear their body off and they keep biting? Like THAT kind of determined. And eeew mouth stuff, yuck sorry for bringing that up. Ack.
Dyck - What's with the name changing? I'm gonna start calling you B-dickie.
Katm - Hi! Thanks for coming out of the woodwork. :) Your button became an outie??? EEEEEEEEEE!!! God did it go back???
So your hubby just gave up? So maybe the mex'll give up someday too? If not I'm gonna start pokin him in funny places every time he does it to me.
And that commenter guy you spoke to? I can never tell if he hates me or what by the way he comments but he keeps coming back so whatev some folks are just brash. But thank you for the support ;) Hope you come back and comment again sometime :)
Jeremy - Actually I'm the knife collector,(always one in my pocket cuz I'm hillbilly and that's what we do) and I don't think he owns even ONE! Too bad.
Jenny - GAAAHHHH phewww laaaaaccckkkk ack. See? I KNEW I wasn't made for babies. aaaaaaalllkk. :) Thank You for the heads up. (and you suck becuase your hubby leaves yours alone - oh well - XOXO's)
DJ - Thank You :)
Do I have the only man in the world who's never even tried that? I can only wonder what it feels like, lol.
Bel - Brag brag brag. What. Ever.
;)
Bellybutton DID go back in immediately when the kid was born. Phew. =)
katm - Oh well thank gawd. Gahhh
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