Whorecrafting at the County Fair

Yay!! The fair is here!!! Do you guys have county fairs where you come from?? I figure yall from the states do but what about my omg-so-cool-I've-got-a-few-people-that-come-here-from-other-contries-isn't-that-neato-as-shit folks?? Or maybe you have your own version?



C. has only been to the fair ONCE in his life and he didn't ride any rides or even eat FOOD!!! Eeek! GAWD no food? That's half of what we GO for. (and to see the hoochies come out in daylight) I felt this had to be remedied post haste.

The fair has an awesome power to bring everyone out - FULLY embrassing their chosen nitche in society. The Hoochies get hoochier! The Emos put on thier very best displays, the Flava Flav impersonators bring
out thier best bling, (damn how do they not get maimed by all that gold if they go on a ride???) The rednecks wear their best confederate apparel and the hillbilies - well the hillbillies just act like they normaly do, not too much change for them folk we just keep on keepin on.

I mentioned Whorecraft - (a spoof I found from Alan (over on my link bar) ) because the gals running the arts and craft (68+ and not a day younger) were all in a tizzy about some of the hoochie crafters appearance in their sacred quilting barn. Sorry gramma just because that little ho-philly-J-Lo-Fergelicious-wanna-be MADE a quilt or doily it doesn't mean she's a gonna dress like one. Well actually she MIHGT have been wearing a doily so look at that! It's functional!

We walked through the animal barns where I tried to perfect my sheep, chicken and turkey calls to the dismay of my poor love-burrito companion. I'm sorry but when I hear a sheep "mzBaaaaa" I have an uncontrolable urge to try and mimic it to the best of my ability. I think it's the hillbilly in my blood, it's kind of like male pattern baldness it just can't be helped. And Come ON!! Growing up with chickens really helped me hone my clucking skillzz and damn it I wanted to show off for my true love. Shouldn't he be happy to discover my hidden talents?? I'll give it to him on the turkeys though, I just can't quite do it and end up sounding like a big ole chicken being screwed by a vibrating donkey, or something, it's just not right.

When we walked through the horse barn I told sweet naive tortilla that the horses with braides in their hair belong to black people.
He just stared at me for a bit and didn't say anything so if we ever take a kid to the fair I might want to clear that one up.

We went on the scariest ride and my poor taco had to close his eyes.
*quietly* - bwwaaaahahahha! shhhhhh.......
It took all I had not to ruin his MAN status by laughing at him. Come on now THAT'S love.

And on to the food. Experienced fair go-er that I am I know what to get (fair-fries, corn-dog, Elepahnt-ear, fresh lemonade, bi-pass surgeon) but silly independent mexican wouldn't listen to me. He chose to get buffalo wings -HOT!!- and of course they turned out to be generic not-hot-at-all soggy chicken wings. They were so gross he couldn't finish and I felt sorry for him and shared my fair fries. He got a little too grabby with em so I sent his ass packin to get a corn dog - that was wonderful, he loved, and ended up getting TWO of. Thank-You very much maybe you'll listen next time pal???

We went to get on the ferris wheel (so we could make out and I could feel him up) and there was NO line. How cool right?? We stood waiting for like two minutes and some parents sent their two leeeeeeetle girls up to ride ALL-BY-OURSELVES!!! Cute kids, whatever we listened to them talk about how they were going to be so brave and ride the ride like big kids.

Little bastards. Just as C. and I got settled in to our seat (and I was figuring out just how to postion myself for maximum dirty play) those little punks rushed our ride and ran into the same Gondola WITH us. Turns out they didn't feel like big kids after all and didn't figure the kind strangers would mind them coming along. ICK, talk about an instant buzz kill. Eww. Ah-well, sweet unknowing chorizo didn't KNOW that he was about to be molested so really I was the only one disappointed.

Good times.