If I didn't love him and I liked to hit people I would KICK C' S ASS.
Bless his little fajita heart but I'm in awe of what he really purchased. I mentioned him buying the new car a couple of weeks ago. You know, the one that is a stick? And he's never drove a stick and asked me, the used to be a TRUCK DRIVER girl if I know HOW to drive a stick??? Yes that one.
Well, I taught him how to drive it and he picked up on it pretty well but I guess he just doesn't feel comfortable with it. No biggie I thought his car was better than mine so I was happy to trade. OH ho ho ho silly silly hor.
First off I figure out the LIGHTS don't work. Fucking lights!?!?! Who goes to buy a car and doesn't check the light's?? What the shit fire hell bean boy??
Ok ok. He fixed the lights. I'm ok now.
So at the grocery store I decide to put my stuff in the trunk, whatever, go to close the trunk lid and BBOOING! It come flying back up at me. The trunk does not close. The people had apparently gunked it up with something so that it would stay closed until opened, but then, free game. So I had to drive around an entire DAY with a boing boing trunk with people honking at me. WWWHHHHOOOOOOOO buys a car without checking the fucking trunk for dead bodies?? Come. ON!! Dead Bodies for rizzle! Thankfully he fixed it (bungee chord free thank god cuz that is SO ghetto.)
Next. I THOUGHT his stereo was better than mine cuz it has a cool CD playa but guess what, the balance was turned all the way to one side of the car because the other side has blown freakin speakers. Hell.
You better buy me some speakers you little frijole fart.
Done yet?? Well good heavens no. Yesterday I took it to get it washed (something I never do but it's black and looks like hell with shit on it) During the first pass of high pressure water I was oh so NOT fucking surprised to be abso-shit-fucking-lutely DRENCHED in water because the seal around the windshield is gone or dead or just not there. And of course this would be the one day that I pay for the 8 dollar wash, therefore having to sit there and be gushed upon over and over and over. Who's the wetback now?? Oh well, at least I can dry off. (ooo might have went too far there but I'm joking and he's my wetback so I'm not erasing it)
Also the seat adjusting handle doesn't have it's nice little rubber handle, just bare metal, and it ripped the ass in my jeans. Yesterday. After the car wash.
NOW this morning as I went to get the dew off my window by rolling it down, the driver side power in the window started cutting out. I got it to go back up and I'm leaving it that way until I forget about it and try it again. I swear if I end up with PLASTIC for a window like I see some people have to do I'll, I'll, I don't know but he better fix it or his ass is driving the ghetto fucker.
He bought it because it "looks really nice." I.E. Pretty. Pretty?? Lindsay Lohan is pretty but that don't mean the ho doesn't have a drug problem and herpes for god sake. YOU CAN'T SEE SYPHILIS YOU LITTLE love of my life BEANER!!
GAAAWW. No more car buying for little love tortilla. Oh no, he's done. Done Done Done like the meat in a fajita, we're talkin done.
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12 comments:
OMG the title of this post alone made me spit out my Pop Tart. Hilarious!
You made me laugh out loud on an otherwise gloomy day. I knew someone who had to drive around for a week with a caravan hitched to their towbar as they couldn't get it off. Grocery shopping, church the lot.
You mean a VAN stuck to thier vehicle???? OMG. GGGAAAAAAAA! :)
I swear, I think Chino does these things just so you'll have fodder for your blog. Or you're just making schit up. I sooooo would've loved a photo of you sitting helpless in the car in the carwash. That's entertainment, hor.
Nope it's all true. I DID have a shirt of his in the car that I tried to drape over the steering wheel, but that just made it pour strait into my lap.
So then I tried to cram it up where the windshield was leaking the worst but it just soaked through and started running down my arm.
Lindy-Solution is to take your car back!! Stick or no stick, he's on his own with that piece o' shit! LOL You poor thing!
Next solution: Are there lemon laws in your state? Is there a 30-day I can take it back kind of thing? I'm just sayin'...they took advantage of poor, sweet Chino. Rat Bastards!
I think there is a lemon law, which is great if you don't buy it out of somebody's front yard.
Mexican.
Get your car back.
Just... get your car back.
"which is great if you don't buy it out of somebody's front yard.
Mexican."
I just snorted.
NO Lindy a van didn't stick to their vehicle. Well; yes you are right, a sort of van did, a caravan. I am not sure if that is the word for them where you live? After all you probably say;facet; I say tap;you say tomAto I say tomahhhto; you say trunk;I say boot. A caravan is really a mobile home albeit a (usually) small one.It is attached for travelling with a towbar;this got stuck so she travelled around for a week towing her mobile home. I am thinking you already knew that and are "having me on". Now is that a term used in Mexico.
Lindy. Yet another snort-inducing, gut-wrenching, laughing-so-loud-the-neighbors-can-hear post. I'm jealous.
Seriously, I need to step up my journalism game. I can't have you out-funnying me. That ain't right :P
All-in-all, a wonderful post. I have no advice, because I pick beauty before substance ALWAYS.
Mary- OH! I get it now, we call it a camper. AAHHHHAHAHA Now that is REALLY funny, especialy to church!
Travis - beauty before substance?? Is that why you're my friend??? My beauty and lack of sub??? Cuz I can totaly deal with that.
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