I was telling him the other day about some horror stories of "gift receiving past" from my past suitors.
The guy I was with for 6 years? He forgot my birthday two of those years and on one of them he didn't bother to pick up anything until the day of when he and a friend went to Walmart and he came back with two tubes of mini M&M's. Mini M&M's, yes you read that correctly. I remember thinking it had to be a joke but he said "Well I was AT Walmart for like an HOUR and I just couldn't FIND anything and I know you like chocolate." Asshole. 
Then there was the year he decided to get me tires for my car for Christmas - he announced it in November by telling me that I was too stupid, lazy and poor so he was going to get them for me for my Christmas gift. I still kind of hate him.
I wouldn't have cared so much if it weren't for the fact that I put serious thought and consideration into gift giving to make it as special yet still appreciated as HUMANLY possible.
Once the same guy gave me a remote controlled air-plane (his hobby of that year) and ended up using it himself. There's just no excuse for that.
I don't CARE about cost or worth or size all I've ever wanted was for someone to give. a. shit. That's it! I just want someone to put forth an attempt at thinking about me for a second and what would make me feel good.
When I was telling all that crap to C. he didn't even really seem to respond or get it. Even when I told him the guy forgot. I don't really understand his response but now I'm afraid maybe I just scared the crap out of the guy. Maybe he thinks I'm ungrateful or that he doesn't have a shot in hell of making me happy. Shit.
We DID talk later on and he told me that growing up he never received gifts for Christmas and that they never really celebrated his birthday. I guess it was a mix of being super poor and him being shuffled around to different family members to raise him after his mom split.
So maybe he's clueless as to how to even go about holidays.
This up-coming Sunday I'm not worried about a gift. I'm so very happy just to HAVE him HERE and I know that in itself is a gift. Every DAY we have together is a gift and that fact so very often comes into my mind when we are together. I'm not going to go out and get a present for him for this Sunday, I don't think that he's going to get one for me - not because he doesn't love me but because he doesn't know that's what folks do - and I don't want him to feel yucky if I hand over something and he's empty handed.
The thing about this though is that I just don't CARE about gifts so much anymore. I realize that in the past gift giving with that guy was our way of (if he remembered) of overcompensating for the fact that we didn't really love each other. Until C. I've never been in a relationship where I've been truly loved or felt what real honest to God this-is-NOT-a-test-I'm-gonna be-holding-your-hand-and-kissing-your-yucky-old-person-lips-even-when-you-forget-to-put-in-your-teeth-and-still-liking-it LOVE is. This is uncharted water for me and I think I'm just about as out of my element as he is, just in a different way.
21 comments:
Hor-gal, I'm SO happy for you to have found this kind of love in your life! It's worth more than gold, truly! You're so right to shift the anniversary focus away from the gifts and just appreciate each other. Wonderful!
I had to laugh about the radio-controlled airplane -- my ex was/is into that BIG TIME. I'm so damn sick of those stupid planes. He likes to give them to our kids, but they end up at his house. Go figure.
The worst gift I got was this smock-thing a boyfriend gave me for Christmas. He actually had his mother MAKE it! It for when I eat -- because I have a terribly habit of dripping something on myself. See, I have boobs large enough to be in the way of such things.... You would have thought he'd appreciate that, but nooooo....
Yeah, I kept him around after that. NOT.
Blogget - EEEEK!! Ever since they've come out with the TIDE pen I've went through about 1 a month saving my clothes. I am SUPER clumsy even when it comes to eating. I can't really own anything white but swear those pens have been saving my but. OO ESPECIALY when out to eat! Anyways commercial over, did he always make you go and watch him fly the dang planes for like EV-ER too? Hated that.
YES! He did! In fact, our first DATE, he took me to see the flying field. You know, the more I talk about these things, the more I wonder how I ended up married to him....
Aren't the Tide pens WONDERFUL?!?! I was at a conference luncheon last year and managed to drip something on me. I reached for my purse to get the pen, but I swear everyone at the table was already whipping out one for me to use! Haha! It's an epidemic!
"See, I have boobs large enough to be in the way of such things"
I'd not only appreciate that... I'd make sure all meals included messy desserts...
...for added flavoring
"Here blogget... have some more strawberries and cream"
Blogget - So cool!
And Sgt - FOR REAL.
Sgt: See? You'd have been a much better boyfriend.... ;o)
Lindygirl, gifts aren't important unless they mean something, as you basically said. So...perhaps you guys can celebrate by getting something together that you botn love. That way, you can start introducing him to the idea that on his special day and others, people who love him want to show it in many ways.
I don't know...I only love gifts that are really thoughtful. Otherwise, I really don't need anything. I do, however, love to find neat gifts for others, and so I would hate to feel like I had to stop doing so because the man I'm with doesn't get it. He doesn't have to and should know me well enough to know I don't expect reciprocation all the time.
Whew! Sorry about that soapbox! I've had quite a week...
That's so sweet! I'm so glad you have a guy who is so wonderful it is a gift just to have him around.
:o)
Er -- having said that, I once dated a guy who rarely if ever got presents, and that is kind of a big deal. Especially if he KNEW other kids (like kids at school or even kids on tv) were getting gifts and he wasn't.
Since you gave him the talk about gifts I would suspect that he might end up making the effort to get you something, which might be hard for him. If I were you, I'd get him something, just in case, and hide it. That way you could just keep it till Christmas or return it if he doesn't get you anything, but you could pull it out and have it for him if he does get you something.
But the main thing is to have a happy anniversary together! Yay!! :o)
Ungrateful HOR!!! I'd kill for a new set of steel belted radials!
Awwwwww!
Well, you have more to teach him...You can show him how to do Christmas and birthdays boondocks style! Might talk to him about it ahead of time so he's not empty handed and feeling like a jerk. I just think that would be really fun. I had to do a bit of that with my hubby - let him know that stuff if important to me and how I like to celebrate and put thought into gifts, etc. He learned well. =)
What a hilarious (and sweet) post. He already gave you the most amazing gift ever, his love and the 2nd most amazing gift ever, the ring.
Awwww! The hor-ness is remarkably low in this post. Is this hor-gal losing her touch?
Doesn't matter though. She's so very cute in love... awwww!
(Really happy for you, gal!)
I believe I'm going to cry, Lindy. You are so sweet on Chino. It's adorable.
So - it's Sunday night now - did he or didn't he?
Sassy - You really brought up an important point!! And I honestly apreciate it. I don't want to give up gift giving and you're right I shouldn't have to, but I just need to find a way to work it in gradual so he can see how this whole thing works. AND wonderful provider that you are you gave me a good example, the getting something together idea. Thanx Sassy, you kind of cleared up the fog in my head about this all with one little "soap box" session. ;) Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever be as wise as you but I'm thinking I'll need to be like 90 - MAYBE.
Ellen, I thought about that but I was pretty sure, and this being Monday (I finaly got a chance to get on a comp!!!) It turns out I was right. But we DID have a really nice lunch and then went and saw a movie and enjoyed ourselves so it was all good. :)
Dyck - I can give you his # if you like. But I sort of wouldn't wish that guy on anybody.
Katm - I'm glad to hear you've got a teachable one!! :) (god if a guy ever said that about a chick she'd be SOOO pissed right? Ah well I guess women have double standards too!:)
DJ - AAAWWW and yes you're right not only about the love but yeah the ring as well, not only for what it means but damn it the guy worked some HOURS for that beotch.
Suki - I know sometimes even a hor can get all mushed out of shape, no worries I'll be back to it soon. ;) And thank you :)
Cruiser - Nope! I was right but I'm not unhappy or surprised and we ended up having a great day. Now when our WEDDING anniversary comes that boy's gonna be on the ban wagon tho, let. me. tell. you! And he's hip to Christmas! He even mentioned something about object for my parents for Christmas so at least he's got that much going on :)
Oh good, I'm glad things turned out so well. :o)
By the way, I told my husband your tire story, and he said he would LOVE it if I bought him tires! He does understand that I do not feel that way, ha.
Ellen, yeah I think tires are a different story for guys.
GAWD it makes me remember when I was a kid and I ALWAYS used to buy my mom new spatulas or pots and pans or ect. concerning kitchen food cooking stuff. Now that I think about it? UUuggghh.
IIII apreciate kitchen stuff because I'm just starting out and don't have a lot of stuff so if someone buys me some cool kitchen thing or a pot or pan that doesn't come from the dollar store it's a total SCORE! But my Mom? Who already HAD way more than enough stuff receiving MORE stuff from her child and HUSBAND that says "I love you, now go cook somethin for me." GGAAAhhhhhhh!
What was my dad thinking?? Of course my Dad usually buys me a pack of Mens hanes tube socks for christmas because he can't think of anything else and he knows that I lose my socks a lot and walk outside with no shoes and I have big feet so he thinks he has to buy mens socks. It's socks but if I think about it, it IS thoughtfull of the old man. Ok and I use them because he's right about the losing and dirtyness.
OK! I tend to blabber if I haven't got to post in a while but you'll never have to ask me about my socks.
My darling must have had a traumatic experience connected to his birthday. It never really works with him and birthdays. Then it did not help when my mother (his mother in law) bought him spatulas, pans etc...
I guess something new in bed is probably the best way of surprising him... and making him really happy!
Wow. I actually posted before you did. You have been neglecting your blogging duties. This will be recorded, and filed for later reference.
Or maybe we just need more dildo jokes.
(This would be time #3 that I have nearly discontinued my own blog. It seems to have a direct correlation to masturbatory hilarity. More dildo jokes please.)
Lady - Poor hubby, but I like the way you think! ;)
Alan, I've been a bit out of the loop trying to work two jobs isn't working too well for me.
Aw, Lindy! If I hadn't just read your latest post I'da thought you'd gone all soft on us!
Sparx, it happens, no worries. ;)
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