These bastard little puzzles are cutting into my time spent on realizing one of my goals in life; to finish a crossword puzzle. Since I was about 14 I've bought many a book of crossword junk to once again and again bring me to the realization that I suck.
My two most recent purchases: "101 EASY CROSSWORD PUZZLES!!!" and "Crossword Puzzles for Dummies." Yeah well fuck all of you easy/dumb puzzles I still don't know what the hell I'm supposed to put down for more than HALF of your shit face clues.
Examples:
Gary's st. - Who the fuck is gary? I don't KNOW any G-D fucking GARY'S.
Augusta's locale - I have no clue where Augusta is. Why am I supposed to?
Stratford-upon - WHAHHH????
Bawdy - also Whaahhhh????
Half of a bikini - I'm sorry but I associate bikini with "Oh HELL no" and for some reason that doesn't fit in the puzzle. (ok so yeah I DID get that one cuz that was one of the TARD clues they threw in)
When I got to the clue -image of oneself- near the end of the puzzle I couldn't get 'stooopid' to fit. Or lame, or dumb, or daft. Wtf??
I WILL carry on with my quest. One thing I'm not is a quitter. yay.
Back to Sudoku. They've been alluding me ever since they came out. I tried reading the directions and my brain produced the familiar Whhhaaa??? WTF do they want me to do here? Huh?? On my first plane ride last January I tried to get the hot guy next to me to explain the one he was doing but I ended up not being able to pay attention because he was really hot and nice and all I could think was "Omg he's hot, am I turning read? God he's smart, oh God he's too smart can he tell that I'm dumb?? Oh SHIT! My face is starting to sweat. Damn it! Ooooh he's so cute." "I wish I had a condom and gutz cuz I would SO join the mile high club with this dude." "Fuck, why does he have to be so smart? If he were a bit less smart I bet I could talk him into it." "Ah hell I've got the guts but DAMN it his hot/smart combo is making me nervous and now I'm getting nervous sweat and that is SO not sexy." "Shit!" "Oh well wouldn't the stewardess chicks notice two people going in anyways???" "Damn."
- Hot guy - "So, does it make sense now?"
- Me - "Oh, gosh yeah! :) You made it much clearer for me, gosh thanx" :) :) :) "I'm going to read my porn book now"
- "What?"
- "I'm going to read my new book of poetry" (that I bought so I could look smart on the plane)
Anyways last week at work I got one of my co-workers to explain it to me. He is ALSO hot but I tapped that before I met C. and know what it's all about. Plus I'm with C. now so his super hotness only has minimal effect on me. And ever since this magical understanding??
Addicted. I go to www.Krazydad.com/sudoku and print of free puzzles. He's got like thousands so why the hell should I BUY them???
His rating system goes Easy, Intermediate, and two others I can't remember but they are both even harder.
Level Easy is no challenge at all so I don't want to do them cuz, I don't know I might as well just get out my crayons and color.
Intermediate? Well fuck me with a boat I can't finish one of those bitches to save my life. What the HELL? And there are TWO more levels above it? What the hell hole hair brush shit!?!? DAMN IT!!
So. There we go, yet ANOTHER sad sad life goal added to my list - To finish a Krazydad Intermediate sudoku puzzle.
Climb Mt. Everest? Nah.
Become one with the earth and speak with the Dali Lama? No thanx.
Build a better mouse trap? Find a cure for cancer? Figure out how to turn the brain waves of stoooopid people (i.e. me) into fuel for my car cuz FUCK that shit is getting expensive?
No.
Crossword puzzle.
Sudoku intermediate.
There's some other shit on my list like never EVER letting anyone talk me into sky diving because my chute won't open, going to Ireland, having my own personal trainer business, having more than 3 orgasms in one session with my man (I get sleepy ok?) and having at least 6 all in one session by myself. I get REALLY lazy by myself and by # 3 I'm ready to pass out. I've got to work on that.
15 comments:
Sudoku is a sickness. I used to see it in the paper and pass over it like it was in greek (kinda like the bridge game). Then I tried one once and found out how easy it was.
I guess I'm good with numbers.
Thank God for that. I need something to balance out my shortcomings.
Ooooo I REALLY don't get the bridge game.
So. You've got the addiction as well? Try Krazydads. I figure you'll be able to do the intermediate but when you tell me about it at least pretend that it took you a while so I don't feel like a super loser ok?
Thanx :)
Shortcomings? Right. You're smart as hell AND a good Dad. Don't worry Sgt. you can come here to slum all you want but you don't have to pretend to be anything less than you are for me to like you. ;)
XOXO's It's ok.
Lindygirl-I LOVE crosswords and sudoku! I prefer the crosswords over the other. I don't think it has anything to do with being smart, I think it has more to do with doing well with puzzles.
I'm an incredibly nerdy visual spatial learner. Sue me.
I have a friend who is mad about sudoku, she's a mathematical wiz. Me, I'm more of a crosswords person. Especially the ones with no black fields, where you have to figure where they are on your own.
Fuck you with a boat? Man, you ARE frustrated! You made me totally snort with that line.
Me? I used to be a crossword puzzle addict. Big time. I'd work through one of those books in 2 days. Then I realized I was actually missing meals and that's not cool.
Ladies - I'm quite infatuated with all of you - XOXOXO's - but you can all suck my balls with your damn cross wording skillz. I swear to GOD it HAS to have something to do with how the brain works and that mine is dysfunctional.
I have a friend, bless her heart but she's got all the common sense and book smarts of a box of rocks. But I'll be damned if she can't work her way through a book of those bitches in a week. My Grama? GOOD WOMAN, not educated, homemaker for 5 kids (no offense to homemakers cuz THAT IS one hell of an occupation) book after book she could just fill on up.
And here I am. A somewhat college educated, pretty well traveled indivdual and I can't finish half a damn DUMMY puzzle???
I just can't COME UP with adjectives or descriptions. I'll sit there and think about it and go BA-LANK.
-Try to ryhyme a word with "orange," you can't do it but try anyways. That's what I feel like when I try to come up with the words. It's the same way when I write a paper I get stuck using the same paragraph openers over and over or the same adjectives or same verbs. That's why I own THREE thesauruses.
Ok, my bad a bit of a rant there. It's just frustrating that's all.
But!!
I've got one going right now with only 10 words left to go. This could be the one!!
I LO-OVE crossword puzzles. Sudoku, not so much.. I'm sure if I worked at it, I could figure it out, but it's bad enough I am addicted to crosswords. I don't need to add another addiction.
Before I go to sleep at night, I need something to shut down the voices in my head-- you know, "tomorrow I am going to go to the store and pick up some milk and fruit snacks... oh yeah, don't forget to add chili powder to my food list...man! I forgot to call my sister today, I wonder how her pregnancy is coming along?.." and on and on... So I either read or do crosswords until my mind quiets and my eyes get heavy and then I can finally go to sleep. Unless of course Hubby wants something...
I'm with you girl! I prefer the ones in the back of TV Guide or People....I suck ass at the regular ones for smart ass people! At least I have a fighting chance with the entertainment gossip crosswords.
Sudoku is a female disease, like babies.
Jenny - Ooo I understand you on the whole shuting the brain down thing. Except if I start a really good book or puzzle I have a hard time putting it down and end up staying up half the night.
I'm kind of 5 like that. :)
YAY!!!! FIRECRACKER!!! I'm not the only female on earth without the cross-word ability! Thank You. ;)
Alan? You're one off the wall dude but I enjoy having you here. You're my black sheep. Why the HELL can't they make a singular for sheep? That really pisses me off.
Why the HELL can't they make a singular for sheep? That really pisses me off.
See? It's really your screwed up language (that I love so much) that makes it so difficult for you to solve crossword puzzles.
Krissie my I say I love you? Ya know like all platonically and shit???
You tried very hard to help me fell better so bless your heart. Unfortunately all of the other commenting folk here do their crosswords in English as well so it doesn't pan out too well. But I do love you anyways.
For some words, like sheep, one word is good enough. Many other words are like this too, such as 'A mighty herd of cartoonist roamed accross the praries of Manitoba'.
I don't want to piss you off with my love of crosswords and infatuation with sudoku. So, instead, I'll help you with something else.
Pick up Delta of Venus by Anais Nin. It's literary pornography. It is wonderful. People see you reading it and it looks so refined and proper (kind of). It is H.O.T.
It's also more acceptable in public than BDSM for Beginners.
IMA - I got it a few years ago and I've read I think 5?? of her books since. Shit, I wish I could remember the name of the one with all of the short stories compiled together. Super HOT. I started reading her because I heard her name in a Jewel song and I just wanted to see who the hell this Anias Nin was. Who-WHO!! Did I get a cool surprise.
But thank you, stuff like that is ALWAYAS apreciated.
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