Thank goodness I'm frightened to quickly enter the bathroom when it's only opened a crack. Why? Because all of our guys here take their daily dump at work and it can get pretty fierce in there. After a scary dump some of them (instead of god forbid CLOSING the door and running the fan) they just leave the door open a crack to keep MOST of the horror inside and just let it sllooowwly seep out and torture me at my desk.
Anyways I saw the tell tale napalm dump/door crack and went forth with extreme caution.
AHHHHH!!!! As I slowly opened the door I heard tinkling noises that my ears immediately identified as NOT hand washing. I stopped just in time to see only the back side of my sideways turned co-worker. Listen, he's a nice guy but holy damn to hell and BACK I do not want to see this guys wiggle worm. To get an idea check the guy to the right. Sans Dirty logo on T-shirt and add a few holes. Oh, oh my my my my my, deep breath, I'm ok, breath.... breath. Ok. I'm ok.And what did he DO when I said "EEEKK!" and backed out as fast as possible? "Oh! he-hulk" Threw his dippy-do back in his sweat pants and came directly out.
Hand washing? Please? No? Oh. ok.
"Hee haw I thought the door was closed."
Really? Because we REALLY have to yank on that bitch to get it to closed. What. Ever.
He didn't wash his hands and he TOUCHED the door knob. And the Toilet seat. I'm not exactly miss priss or anything but COME ON!!!
*Full body shudder* EEeaahhhuuuuaahhhhLkk
16 comments:
Hello again, I had to go through a similar horrifying experience last week. My office is in an old building with high ceiling and we also have other business that rent space in our office. Well, it is vacation so it was only me and the tall man of German decent. He went to the bathroom and did not even bother to close the door. I do not know if it because he is so tall, or because of the acustics of our office but that spray was SOOO loud! I just could not believe it. I did not hear the water running from the tap but then that is a much shorter distance, I may not have heard it...
I am also reminded that the first time I saw a wiggly (exept my baby brother and my exhibitionistic dad) was in England when I was eleven or twelve. He came out of a public bathroom with his wiggly hanging out and he just pulled the zipper up and it wiggled inside. I have questioned myself over the years how he managed without getting pinched by the zipper.
Umm...I did actually walk in on a coworker once. He peed all over the wall trying to get turned around! LOL Whatever, I wasn't in there with a freakin magnifying glass...I just walked in because he didn't lock the door, so I didn't know! LOLOL
Lady - May not have heard it? Riiiiggghhtt. Silly boys.
Sassy - Knock! :) You crack me up :)
Seriously. This is why I avoid touching anything in the bathroom I don't need to. Things I must, I use a paper towel.
I'm not anti-social, but I do not want to share your body fluids because you couldn't control your lil'wiggly (as lady Latte says)
We just found out that one of our bathrooms is often used for fornication. Two of the people are just...ew. I'm afraid to touch ANYTHING in there. Come on, people. Get a room.
This is why I always walk with a limp and use the handicap bathroom. One time I was on the ferry coming home from work and some dude was taking a leak standing 2 dft away from the urinal like he was trying tp aim in a clowns mouth to make the balloon pop. I got an eyeful.
I don't mean he peed in my eye.
How about the time I went to the bathroom at the store and there was a line (women's bathroom of course!) so I had to wait a little for my turn. A 40ish lady came out and then I went in and quickly popped back out and hollered after her, "Flush the toilet next time, would ya?" I hope she was embarrassed enough to flush from now on, because puh-leeze, I dont want to see your turd floating in the toilet bowl!
I'd rather see a wiggly willie over someone else's turd!
And yeah, wash your hands people!! PLEASE! Ew!
I had an Accidental Viewing the other day. I went to a new friend's house to visit and her husband didn't hear the doorbell. He comes boppin' into the living room, in all his glory. Well, maybe "glory" is an overstatement...but his wiggly was free and loose, and maybe cold.
He covered the essentials and ran, hollering at his wife the whole way. Like it's her fault he's running around naked as a molerat!
May I be the first one here to say the word 'penis'? Thank you. And please enjoy your tour of duty in the second grade.
Sgt. - Yes paper towel please. And I friggin hate those hand blower things. What a jip.
KP - Sorry bout that, we just get carried away sometimes.
Ryan, LOL I love your crazy description. Walk with a limp to the handicap? hahahahahahah you're just not right ;)
Jenny? O. M. G. I am really in awe of that one. You ACTUALLY did that? You are now on my hero list.
Blogget - Oh that sux, I hope your friend didn't see the pity in your eyes for her now that you know her (his tiny little) secret. What fun. :)
Alan - Ok that was funny about the penis, lol. Are you a little bit pissy today though???
Hor - What's the matter with you? You should have barged in and given the guy a reach around.
Oh yes! I ACTUALLY said that! I was quite pissed and I had to PEEEEEEEEEEE quite badly and now I have to wait for your stinky turd to flush before I can sit and pee. Aghh! Bad enough I have to smell a poop fog, I dont want to SEE it too!
Being deaf, I don't know if the other ladies in line said anything, but I hope she flushes from now on.
Ew!!! With a boy that big you KNOW it's just a cocktail weenie...
It's a good thing I've already digested dinner before reading this. Ew. Just ew.
Dyck, once again - he's a nice guy, but I don't think I could reach. How sad.
Jenny, "Poop Fog" Ahhhahahahhaha that's a good one. Since you're deaf I'll fill you in on what happened when you yelled at that lady.
1. Stunned silence
2. Awkward silence
3. Someone breaking the ice and then everyone in line talking to each other about how right you are, and telling their own horror stories.
UNLESS their was a cool black woman in line and then she would immediately after you spoke out bust out all loud with "MMMMMmHMMM NASTY folk always be doin shit like that, got no respect, dirty bitches, . . . ." and on and on and all white women would stand and listen and REALLY want to laugh but would be too afraid to.
THAT is why I think it would be cool to be a black lady, I wish I could be that cool.
Sparx (omg I'm SO not going to be able to look at him the same) ew.
Cruiser - I think that should be sort of a rule for folks before they come here. Finish eating. :)
Lindy - can you go back and re-read my last post?!
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