Last night we had a scary ass storm heading our way. You know the kind where the weather folks REALLY get hyped up and excited and it seems like their about one tornado warning away from either orgasming or spontaneously combusting right on the air? I'll bet their some kinky folk. "Oh baby, tell daddy he's a category 5, ooh yeah, say flash flood, oooooh almost there, say sand bags say sand bags! Ahhhhhhh DECLAIR DISASTER for daddy!!!" Bastards.
Anyways, they were mentioning 80 mph winds and tornado warnings and taking cover and telling folks living in trailers to EV-A-CU-ATE. Eeeeee!!! I told my jumping bean that we had to GO. The storm was predicted to hit us in like 15 minutes and we needed to get our asses to a basement somewhere.
AHH!! And that leeetle what-ever-nothing-is-going-to-happen-why-are-you-overreacting
PENDEJO-that-I-love wasn't hearing it. He just sat there on the couch with me watching the weathergirl start to convulse and started getting assey. "Eet's fine, Nathings going to kahpayn."
I kept urging and flipping and finally he agreed to go but said he had to take a shower first. OH, well good idea frijole, that way when the coroner finds you cut in half by a flying ROOF at least your assey ass will be clean. Did I mention I was nervous?
Bless his heart he DID manage to take a really quick shower and came out to meet me with my freak-out face on and clothes for him to wear. He started getting pissy and moving slow so I really started to lay it on about how we had to get the shit out of there and he gave me the ole "Just go now and I'll catch up with you." What. Ever. I made it quite clear that I wasn't leaving without his stoopid ass and he better for REAL hurry.
By this point it had dropped from 90 degrees to about 75 (in the time span of like 4 minutes) the sky was black and the wind was showing IT'S ass. Eek! FINLAY Sr. Ass-a-lot got his shit together and was ready to leave.
OH! OH! OH! This is the shit - I kid you not, scouts honor, the SECOND his foot stepped outside on to our steps I heard this weird CCRRRRRRAAAAAKKWHHOOOSHCRACKBOOM! noise. I thought "Holy shit that lighting was close!" But no, as I tried to get out the door where he had gone catatonic, I saw what it really was. Out in front of our house a BIIIIGGG Old tree decided it couldn't take any more and had broken in half and fell out into the road. For real like 20 feet from us.
AHahahahahahha! He turned around and looked at me with his eyes all BIG and said in his I'm scared voice "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, layt's go."
Ah ha ha ha. I remember clearly that when I saw that tree in the road and he said I'm sorry I forgot about being scared and thought "YES!! BOO-YAH-POLLY how freakin COOL was that! I was RIGHT and now you KNOW it beotch!" I allllllllmost shot my finger strait in the air and screamed "THANK YOU!" to the heavens for such a perfectly timed bitch slap to my sweet little bowl of rice and beans.
Ha. ha. ha-haaaaa ha. Nah-nah-nah-nah-booooooo boo!
Luckily for him I'm nothing if I'm not modest, *ahem* and decided against an I-told-you-so happy dance, picked up his balls up off the ground and let him drag ME to the car.
Ok by they way I stole the cbox idea from DYCK!! (in my link list) and created this box you might have noticed to your right. I loved the sharing of the crazy sex places in THIS POST so here is a box to continue with the fun. I get new readers sometimes and I want to keep up the fun! So let it all hang out and have some fun reading, sharing AND getting new ideas for your OWN escapades.
***************************UPDATE*****************************
Ok so maybe Krissie and I will use it to chat! Ah well it'll be what it'll be. :)
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15 comments:
One of my main requirements when I bought my house was that it would have at least an interior room with no windows. My next house will have a basement. Those terrified drives through storms to my mom's house are over. The last time I made the last minute dash, a tornado started forming over my car (my son's friends saw it from about 1/4 mile away) and was throwing so much shit on the windshield I could barely see. One thought made it through the terrified, "OMG-I'm-going-to-die-OMG-I'm-going-to-die-OMG-I'm-going-to-die," loop I had going:
"Convertible? Why the hell did I buy a fucking convertible??"
Glad to read that you and the love bean made it through safely.
Ima - Ahahaha a convertible! Isn't it goofy what will pass through your brain even when your scared as heck??
Glad you made it to somewhere you could post your crowing! Yayyyy! Big trees falling that close are scary. They kill people in cars.
*Love* the convertible bit, ima! HAHAHA! I'm going to hold onto that thought!
Rob - Post my crowing? Forgive me for I am stoopid, I don't get it. Please explain?
I love, Love, LOVE STORMS! I stand out in the garage and watch them whip by until the last possible second. Usually someone comes out and orders me into the basement. :)
So what happened after your triumph?
Where did you go? Who drove? How long did the storm last? Were you thanked for saving Chino's sorry scared ass with sexual favours?
So many questions, so leetle answers...
Nikol - I do too! The cooling down of hot summer air, a strong breeze, the smell of the rain before it even starts and that magical feel in the air as it gets prematurely dark. It's great. BUT when the winds get up over 50-55 mph I snap out of it and go into flip mode. Thanx for commenting, it's nice to have you here :)
Krissie - Hahah well my boss said we could camp out in her basement but Chino's a bit shy so I drove us about 2 miles away to the pool hall. It's a building built entirely of big cement blocks and only has 3 teeeeeny windows. It's like a basement above ground. Plus they have a jute box and corn-dogs and pool. The storm was moving so fast it blew over in like 15 minutes and I'm pretty sure we were driving that 2 miles during the worst of it. Brilliant. Sexual favors? Well we got to break in a new posish on the new bed so that was something.
LMAO @ the frijole's frijoles on the ground.
I trust y'all are okay and no more trees fell over on ya or anything.
It's about time you added me to your list of hors.
BTW, your box is very impressive.
HA! I'm completely out of the hurricane zone, merely having to deal with tsunamis and earthquakes. Which, by the way, we are apparently long overdue for a big
Cruiser - Yep all's good and well. Lot's of trees busted up but none on our house or cars. Righteous.
DYCK! I thought I added you like 3 weeks ago! I wasn't kidding about needing a DYCK for my hor site. I don't know what happened. Maybe I was distracted by the thought of you examining my box. It IS pretty isn't it??
Alan, well that's good now at least we know you won't be getting blown away anytime soon.
How generous of you not to use the I-told-you-so!!
Please tell me this was intentional:
"Maybe I was distracted by the thought of you examining my box. It IS pretty isn't it??"
Also, I had stopped typing mid sentence in a dramatic fashion. I should have stopped halfway through one of the wor
I'm with Alan-- that WAS intentional, right??? Cuz you're SO clever that way, aren't you?? :o)
Glad the big ol tree didn't fall on you guys.. then what would I read every day?? Oh, and I'd miss you, too! (wink!) Love ya!
Lady Latte - Why thank you, but well I've sort of been I told you so-ing him about every 3 hours since the tree fell. BUT I DIDN'T do the happy dance, so yes, quite generous. :)
Alan and Jenny, yeah, and you guys are SO cool for getting it. And the greatest because I still refer to everything and everyone as "cool" and you keep coming back.
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