Oh what fun I've been having lately with all of the trips to sex shops. YAY! What fun to have all of my toys and play with them too!
Oh silly silly girl you should have KNOWN it would come to an end.
Confession - My Mexican isn't as far on the ban-wagon about toys as I am. Well shit at least he WASN'T. In fact he was/is pretty damn intimidated by the whole me having a dildo thing. HAVE YOU SEEEEEEN A RABBIT toy? He hasn't yet, he's only seen my much smaller more vanilla toys and THEY freaked his ass out. He'd never even BEEN to a toy store. Shit!
(confession - I hid my jackrabbit in my lock-box)
I've been talking to him about toys and trying to get him used to the idea gently and telling him that "Why yes darling Man Of Men you satisfy my every womanly need, oh you stud you, blah blah blah." But your ass works 18 hours a day and I get bored with myself. See? It's not you it's me. I bore myself and I want toys.
I thought the subject was dropped until on our way back from Chicago this weekend and we passed the sex store billboard. He mentioned going and of COURSE I was all "Whoo Hooo!!" What a way to get him a little jazzed up right?
He casually glanced at all of the girl toys, outfits, (Bitch why didn't you buy me a dirty outfit??) had a slight heart attack about the gay men stuff, and asked me dead pan if I thought one of the EXTRA SUPER GIANT sized dildos would fit. IN ME!! I told him that they are novelty items but he seemed to think that they must be there for a reason and asked me AGAIN!! I had a hissy and asked him what the fuck HE thought. He started to get it and mumbled something about how women can have a baby come out so....just curious.
I was hoping to get more of a reaction from him out of seeing "The fist" but he really didn't seem fazed. WTF?? Whatever. Any-freakin-way when we got to the man toys he fucking lit UP! He was amazed at all of the different toys for men to jack to their cocks content in. It was like he had lived in a desert for 90 years and was seeing the ocean for the first time. He jokingly said "I'm going to get ME a toy." Haahahaha silly me thought he was making a joke about me having toys, so I said "Hey! Go for it, how fun!"
Turns out he was serious. Well. Hrrmph. Fine. If you think you need one. Whatever. I. Don't. Care.
Tables turned. Guess who DOES care? Guess who actually broke down and said what if it's better than me and you like it more because it's all super tight and ribbed and stuff? (You motherfucker I never would have had a second thought if you wouldn't have asked me if I could fit that giant dildo and made me start second guessing the super wonderfulness of my leeetle va jay jay you bastard)
Long story short (well not really) he ended up giving me the same spiel (that I give him) about how love always makes it better and that no matter what I could never be outdone by a toy.
So I feel a little better. Ok a lot better cuz he bought a cheap toy and I didn't tell him that if you buy a cheap toy it's going to be shitty. Yes that IS how I roll. And lo and behold he didn't really like it. Awww poor baby.
HA!
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21 comments:
OMG! This is a classic, Lindygirl. The title alone had me laughing.
BTW-Jackrabbits are meant to run free...not be locked up in some box.;o)
Hey! I like the pic of you, not the box. Unless we get to see the Jackrabbit in the box, of course! I lead such a sheltered life, I have .. er .. few ideas what a Jackrabbit looks like.
Oh sassy don't worry he's free range when the Mexicans away. I'm very concious of animal rights.
Rob? It's called google. Type two words and you'll be changed forever. I kind of like the other picture too, I think I'll try out a few different ones for a while and see what fits best.
Hi- just found your blog, but I think it's awesome! You need to introduce him to your rabbit pronto, though. A boy and a bunny in bed? It's at least got alliteration going for it.
OH SHIT OH SHIT I just realized that Rob said "Unless we get to see the Jackrabbit in the box..." And I don't think he has AAAANNNNYYYY idea how dirty that could be taken. Get it? Box? Me, my box, rabbit in my box??? BWAAAAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH Rob you are the shit!!!!
Hi Princess!! Thank you for stopping by and THANK YOU for saying you like my place!! But for real he will FLIP his gourd if he sees that toy. It's gonna take a while fo sho.
You are so wonderfully selfish!
And insecure too. So cute.
P.S. Good thing he didn't really like it, but even if he did, something could have happened to it accidentally... Always keep that in mind. ;)
As opposed to, for example, him seeing that you have been secretly keeping it? Yes. That will go over much better.
Upon further ponderance, I'm thinking that Chino should forevermore be known as your Mexican Sex Toy. It has a certain flavor, no?
ROFL oh man Lindystar you rule lol
Can. Not. Stop. Laughing.
Poor Chino. Poor Lindy.
p.s. I'd still keep bunny-"boy" a secret from Chino. Not sure why, but I just would.
p.p.s. Does Chino know you have a blog?
Box. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I fess I didn't see the connection. Bit slow on the uptake. But now you come to mention it...
Krissie - Oh why yes darling he IS always misplacing things. ;)
Alan? *fingers in ears* lalalalalalallalallalallalal canthearyoulalalallalallal
Sassy - you are brilliant and I think THAT would make a great print for a pair of panties too!
Thanx hermit!!!
Cruiser, OH THANK YOU for being on the same page as me about hiding the bunny. It really would freak him out. He's not a bad guy but it would really make him insecure.
And blog? OH why yes he knows I have one. Does he know what I write? No. Is that maybe wrong? Yes. Gonna stop me? No. Actually after highschool I don't think he's touched a computer again except for when filling out job aplications. He's one of those rare breeds left on earth under 25 that don't give a rats about the internet or anything to do with a computer. (and lucky for me his friends are all the same) So for now I'm safe. (oh now aren't those famous last words??)
Rob you dirty dirty boy!
Darlin you are cracking me up! Didn't your mother tell you that you should share your toys? Tell your boy you don't know quite what to do with it and make him the hero for helping you use it right ;-)
M. But EEEEEEEEE have you seen one of these things?? But yes that IS a good idea the whole making him feel like a hero thing. Lord knows that'd make his day. Thanx for stopping by btw. :)
You could call this one Montezuma's Sexy Revenge.
He didn't like it? Awww. I've seen those plastic tubes with the ribs and the studs and the jelly stuff and they looked pretty fun. I kinda wanted one.
Darling don't fret!! Come shopping with me and I'll help you pick out a good one. It's all in the type of material used. Come my friend let me show you the way.
Call me bitch and we'll go the the "STORE"!!!!!
Side note: Mexican Sex Toy Revenge sounds like a new video game from Japan.
I first saw one of the giant dildos of doom when I was 16 and my aunt (Dad's younger sister) took me to the Pleasure Chest in Georgetown. She thought my best friend and I would be freaked out. Instead, we tried to pool our money to see if we could buy one so we could mount it on the front of our car and go chase college boys with it.
As for Chino... e-mail me sometime and I will send you some **very** interesting links for websites that sell lingerie for men. Chino will be all da sex toy you need once you get him dressed up in some of those outfits };)
Alan Hahhaah crazy :) But yeah.
Helen? Oooooo really?? Hee-Heeee!! That's one thing he's not opposed to so consider me on it.
You got it...
http://www.bodyexposed.com/default.asp
Have fun shopping };) And if you buy anything, be careful about drying it in the dryer. A lot of these items are small enough to get lost in the lint trap.
THAT small? Oh shit he'll go freakin nuts. Go, ha I should say come. ew, nasty I know but thought it therfore I had to write it.
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